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Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

4,748 Replies 4,748

MarkJT
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Baby_Steps, you say that you cannot wait until hard rubbish collect to get rid of all the stuff that is cluttering your house....is there any reason why we can't try and remove all the clutter in your mind?

For starters, I would suggest that any single mother who is enrolling her son into a new school and a daughter who did not get all of her books whilst caring for another is going to be a bit worn out and frustrated. I would suggest that any mother who has a partner would still feel like this. You need to stop bashing yourself over this. You are doing an incredible job and to top it off, you have an unsupportive father of your son. Come on mate, you are doing just fine!

I remember when the local tuck shop near work changed hands, shattered!! They served up the best meals and a really good price but then the new owners upped the price and lowered the quantity and standard of the food so yes a changing of owners at your local fave store is unsettling but you will adapt. Either the new owners will be just as good or you will find another coffee shop, not ideal but you will be okay.

We all have a fear of doing the wrong thing, or at least the majority of us. That is okay as it drives us to have good work ethics and practices, not just at work but in life. The key here is make sure that it does not rule your life. I used to be a perfectionist and expected far to much of myself but i have tamed that beast so you can to. If you make a mistake, so be it, you are human not a robot! Learn from it and move on.

When we have PTSD, depression or whatever, our minds just focus on the negatives because everything is so dark and gloomy. The happy good part of your brain is still there, you just have to find it. I firmly believe that for every negative there is an equal positive. You just have to learn to flip the negative into the positive and then gain some valuable insight or knowledge out of.

A task for you, the next time something you perceive as being negative happens, think of a way to turn that into a positive. It can be done, you just need to work it out.

Good luck with the app - i really enjoyed it and still use it from time to time. Really taught me a lot.

Mark.

BballJ
Community Member

Hi Baby_Steps,

Indeed writing down good things should be done more by all of us... you know once when I wanted to lose weight.. I wrote down how I felt at times when I felt big, like not fitting into clothes, feeling insecure, bad skin etc.. I wrote them down and from memory I put them in my wallet so when i went to order fast food or eat junk I would see those feelings and use it to stop me from eating junk, so I am just thinking if you write down when you feel good and how you feel it may help in those times where the negativity takes over and seems to control everything.

I think the best thing is be positive about you son changing schools, we have this weird indirect way when we feel nervous or slightly negative about something.. we can spread that subliminally to that person... so if you son sees you super excited about it and how positive it is that he changed schools, it may bounce off on him and he may subliminally start to like it all on his, sounds a little farfetched but all about the power of positivity.

My best,

Jay

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Thanks Mark and Jay,

Mark, I do believe in turning a negative into a positive and will endeavour to do so. If i don't the feel of the coffee shop with the new owners i can find a new one, hey i might meet new people too.

Jay, agree with the power of positivity. I think i was feeling nervous about the school move because he was and vice versa. Yesterday he was up beat and i feel better too. When he had his wisdom teeth out he was so nervous and i had anxiety for weeks starting a few days before as i got a call to say they could do it earlier than planned so i wasn't 'psyched up' for it. It does definitely rub off.

I had heart palpitations yesterday and was so tired. I googled it and found that anaemia can also be a cause of palpitations and guess what. I have been anaemic for about 25 years and of late have not been eating well so i have resumed my iron supplements and today i feel great!

My day was:

Get kids ready for school/kinder. Get the older kids off to school, come home, tidy up and make the beds put on load of washing. Take little miss to kinder and go to my local coffee shop for a breather. Whilst there chatted with another regular and made phone calls to chase up things for my son's new school.. Went to the supermarket to get a few things and organise dinner. Off to bunnings to return unopened items my son will no longer require, get a credit (thank god) and then to officeworks for school stationery. Take shopping home, have a few bites of something to eat and then off to get school books. Parked in the wrong st so walked a block which was great as i did want to do more walking this year. Bonus! Got books went home, marked off the books and stationery to see what was left to buy. Ordered the online copies of text books and cleaned out his cupboard of old school uniform. had 1 hour left before kinder pick up, went back to supermarket as forgot something and then just went to the coffee shop again to kill 1/2 hour and chill. Chatted to the owner about new owners and it sounded positive.

Overall a great day, my anxiety decided to take a break which was great. I love being busy and accomplishing things which i did today. I messaged my ex to ask if he would be contributing to our son's school expenses. Told just a yes or no, no questions asked. He said no, as expected. Oh well. It's a big initial expense ie laptop, uniform but still cheaper than the private school and better off in the long run.

Haven't hung out that washing yet - hehehe.

BS

BballJ
Community Member

Hi Baby_Steps,

It sounds like you have had a very productive and busy day... it's great that you had time to relax and go to the coffee shop and unwind per say. It's amazing how much our anxiety or any mental health tails off when we are busy. I am an avid phone caller in the sense if I have anxiety I make a phone call just to distract me enough where I don't feel like my anxiety is going to take over my day.

I like how you are also being positive about the fact your ex is not paying for the school fee's but you are seeing the positive of the long term for you son and how it will save you. That's a great outlook so please try and keep it up.

My best,

Jay

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Jay,

had a bit of anxiety over the lap top purchase which is really going to set me back big time but yes, I need to focus on the bigger picture.

I'm glad I was one step ahead of the ex. I'm sure he was thinking I was expecting him to contribute but I know him too well. I wasn't really happy with my son going to a private school for 3 years but I still contributed my share. I paid for his myki, to go to a school I wasn't happy with, when his dad told him to get a part time job and pay himself.

I feel a little angry now at his pathetic behaviour. He is a sad excuse for a parent. I hope karma pays him a visit. I'm still waiting for that. Things always seem to go his way. At least I have my pride.

BS x

MarkJT
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Baby_Steps, I understand that you are (and justifiably so) annoyed at your sons father but I would love for you to put that behind you. You are doing one hell of an amazing job and have so much on, I want you to focus your energies on you.

You have the moral high ground, you have the knowledge that you are doing it right, you have the power to influence your children the best and this will all be repaid when the kids are older when they realise just how good of a mother you are and were back then.

When we are dealing with mental health issues it is enormously draining on mental energy, which i call brain juice. You need to spend your brain juice in the right directions and I want you to stop spending your brain juice on your sons father. Put that to better use and use it for you.

Mark.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Thanks mark,

I will try to do that. I'm a little anxious today as i have now ordered his laptop. i need to remember that in the long run i will be better off. I know i have the higher ground. i don't know how he sleeps at night, not supporting his own son but playing dad to someone else's. I wish he would just move interstate. If i have to do everything on mu own that's fine but i would feel better if he were not around. It would be less frustrating.

I'm nervous for my son starting tomorrow. Have i bought the right books, does he have all he needs, will he settle in ok? I feel sick to the stomach actually. Once he is settled i should feel better,but then i need to deal with my little one's school enrolment which means contacting her dad. i am dreading that. i don't want to see him and seeing as we haven't heard from him for 2 months I guess the feeling's mutual. I will contact him as i will not give him any reason to try and blame me for excluding him as his mum has done in the past.

Feeling quite sick right now. It is 1pm, an hour till i leave to pick up little miss and it's been a hectic morning.Yesterday was hectic but i was on a mission. Today felt like a chore. Iam very tired too, went to bed a little late so that does not help either.

Baby Steps x

BballJ
Community Member

Hi Baby_Steps,

I think you will always feel naturally anxious when your child is starting a new school regardless of your situation but as I said above, remain as positive as you can and that will reflect onto your son.

I think MarkJT is 100% accurate that you have to focus all your mental energy on yourself and not on anybody else including your ex. Your kids will grow up and realise what a great and hard job you have done. You can stand proudly and say I did this when your kids are older, I raised them on my own and there will be no better feeling and no mental health issue can get in the way of that kind of happiness.

Always remember, we have off days and that sounds like today for you. We need them so we appreciate the good ones even more.

My best,

Jay

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Well, what a morning. I'm a little anxious but hoping i will get back on track soon. My son started his new school and we had to be there early so I asked my daughter to catch the tram this morning which she hasn't done before. It is literally a 5 min tram ride. I dropped her off at the tram stop and made sure she was confident where to get off . She messaged me 2 mins later to say that a teacher was on the tram. Haha i told her she was obviously sent to guide her. 5 mins later she rang to tell me she was walking into school. I'm happy she did this as it will take pressure off me in the morning knowing that she is confident to get the tram. Very proud of her.

Drove my son to school arrived a little early, he was very nervous. We waited at the office and his 'buddy' arrived. We introduced ourselves and i tried to make light conversation as no one was talking. His teacher was running a but behind so we sat and waited. The lovely lady from the front desk came out and told me that i didn't need to hang around, my son would be fine and my son also said i could leave. I realised then that he probably didn't want me hanging around lol. I wished him a good day and as i left i saw 'buddy' sit next to him and they started chatting. His new school has 4 periods per day, longer in length, as opposed to 6. He has PE today which he likes so that is good and had an idea re his work experience so that is positive.

The little one and i went to our local coffee shop. Caught up with some locals told one about the school move. Her son attends a local public school and she commented how much more relaxed it is and how different the atmosphere is to private school. Considering my son hated how rigid the private school was I hope this will bring out the best in him and make him feel more positive toward school. The new cafe owner came and said hi and we introduced ourselves. He has seen we are regulars. He told me he has taken over as of yesterday (which i knew because previous owner told me) I congratulated him, and he told me was going to make a few changes which is to be expected. It sounded good and I wished him all the best. Hopefully it will still have a good vibe to it, gotta give it a chance.

I feel quite drained, a little anxious but like a load is off my shoulders. I'm proud of my older kids, they both took big steps today with regards to changes. I hope it's a smooth day.

Baby Steps

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Well I spoke too soon. I've just had an email from my son's previous school to say the lap top he returned had damage that is not covered under warranty and i need to pay the excess. The cost will be split between his dad and i as the fees were split but it just another expense to add to and already expensive week.

So my anxiety is back why can I never get ahead. Whenever i think I'm getting somewhere there is another set back. I just cannot get ahead in life.