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Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

3,999 Replies 3,999

randomx
Community Member

Yeah as you know l've used cards most of my life so l'm slightly biased but by no means just openly stupid too it especially with the 99% of shonks out there.

But nah l don;t use Tarot never have , however my ex w did tarot 30yrs and my daughter also does Tarot.Both had true ability that's actually why my ex stopped reading. My daughter is just down right surreal , which l've always known she would be she's a very special girl in many ways and such an old soul. l am very surprised this one has given detail like that though , l thought you must've explained your situation. and asked about it from there. ls it possible she got inside info of your friend l wonder.

rx

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi rx,

Nope. My friend at work knows nothing about my situation. We work in different departments and rarely speak as we're so busy. I purposely said nothing and only elaborated a little on a few things after she told me what she saw and I only did that cos she was spot on. She described M & sis to a T. 3 in the relationship as ive said for a long time. She's pushy ,& controlling by nature, doesn't respect boundaries, he doesn't stand up to her cos he feel indebted. She saw the change in our relationship ie me stepping back after the blow up I had. Said M feels the change,probably why he keeps talking about the future, living together. She said he wants financial freedom...probably from sis. I think he knows if they stay financially attached with that house she won't move out soon. Ive told him that too. She picked up there's a big age gap. The bit about sis being too scared to have bf live in her house didn't surprise me. She's never lived with a partner. Career change for M, changes at my work . All accurate.

Interested to see M's reaction...if he has one. I'm curious if sis has had a reading lately, if it picked up on me. I reckon M should have a reading with my one, see if the same stuff comes up.

randomx
Community Member

Yeah right.

l've never used cards in that way or Tarot , l only use them in a one of question type sense but yeah as l was saying with my Daughter.. l've seen her give deadly accurate detail like that with some people.

A lot of card readers give a lot detail but it usually all turns our hogwash so that was pretty amazing for sure. Haaa, wonder if m will just shrug it all off.

Tess2
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Dear CMF,

are you ok? I do hope so. You have been very quiet. I think about you

tess

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Tess, and rx

How are you? Thank you for hink9ing of me, i am really well. Our lockdown has been extended so i'm working from home and have remote learning happening..

I told m about the card reading, he looked a little awkward and didn't say much. I left it for a bit then asked what he thought. He said it's amazing how accurate they can be so i asked if he agreed. He was a little lost/shocked/uncertain/uncomfortable i felt haha. He sort of disagreed with a few things, to defend his sis i think but he did say it was accurate. I brought up that i never go to his house so i told him why- straight out. I also told him that the card reader said i should talk to his sis (Tess, i think yo also suggested that) , he looked a bit nervous about that which i found funny. If it comes to it i will very nicely tell her how it makes me feel. Nothing wrong with that. There is no denying that what came out in the cards was spot on with what i have been telling him. I think it caught him off guard cos i explained why it was so spot on and gave examples haha. Told him he should have a reading with her, see if the same stuff cones up. Now THAST would be interesting.

Anyway, not gonna ponder over it. I'm glad i did it, I've always been curious and i know what came out was 100% accurate. He slept over Friday night and when he left 'Saturday told me go pop in for coffee later so i decided i would and i did. Sis got home later and she was fine. We went to see his mum cos he said she will very upset if she knows i was there and they didn't tell her. She hugged me, said she has missed me so much, which was really nice.

So yeah, been good over here i guess. He knows i'm not gonna put up with shyte. I've spoken my mind many times and i will continue to. I'm no longer the timid girl who needs to keep everyone else happy. I have feelings and i'll be honest about them.

Cmf x

randomx
Community Member

Haaaa , well l'm gonna call it all a win com , glad your doin ok.

And so nice about his mum and stuff too , knew she liked ya. But don't worry we know m is gonna be all awkward about the sis and he'd probably rather be walking over broken glass barefoot but ohwell , ya getting there.

rx

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

M didn't sleep over last night. His son had the jab and wasn't feeling the best so he stayed home to look after him. Apart from the fact of getting used to sleeping next to someone, this morning is nice and quiet. At 8.30am his alarm/radio comes on & he listens to the news on Tripple J. It annoys me so i go have a shower. Then as we have breakfast he has music playing on Tripple J which I can't stand lol. I like quiet, he always needs noise, music, loud TV. I'll have to mention something cos he's just doing what he enjoys, his routine.

Still learning.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey rx,

Can you help me lift this big rug please?

Cmf x

randomx
Community Member

Haaa, no worries , you'll need a lift with that one for sure .

Hope you can have a nice Sunday .

rx. 0

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

I don't want Sunday.

I don't want anything anymore.