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Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

3,999 Replies 3,999

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

So I'm not so sure about us at this moment. Ive6expressed so many times how frustrating it is that his sis still lives there. She moved in weeks after we got together. It's been 3 years. He's told me recently that he's sure sis & bf would want their own space soon He's told me she won't always be intruding. Now I find out she'll move if/when they sell next year and they'll be living next door. I feel he's been telling what he thinks I want to hear. Since my blow up he has been mentioning us living together alot, wondering where we'd live. I've been very patient, very honest. I have no interest in meeting anyone else so I can sit and wait, see how it pans out, but I think I'll be withdrawing again, just a little to protect my heart. I know he doesn't have many options when it comes to selling/buying. Financially she owns him. He could live with me. I won't be going to live him, not next door to sis and bf. If they want their threesome, they can have it.

A cord needs to be cut. Just not sure who's cord it will be.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Exactly rx. I've been waiting for something to change. I've told him that. I know he doesn't have alot of options financially but I'm not going from her living there to living next door, and you'respot on. I wouldn't visit much. She'd probably see my car and come over so it would be just as it is now. We're not in a hurry, but he's def talking about it more, asking where I see us living together. Again, I need to see what it's like without sis around. Can he even cope withbthat? I told him I won't move from here till the youngest finishes school. That's why I think he expects I'll live there cos I have said I'd sell and he is talking years away.

I think he knows. He messaged tonight saying thanks for a great weekend. I told him see, he needs to come live in my area lol. He's always saying how great it is.

Guess I'll keep dropping that hint haha. He did mention today that he's not a good planner, I am. I think ahead. He never does. He said he should start talking to his boys soon about moving out in the future, standing on their own two feet cos we ain't gonna live together with all our kids. He said he needs to start PLANNING. That's great but it's sis who needs the chat. He never looks at her, how she affects our relationship. He wants to prepare his kids for moving out , how about telling her it's time to move out? I can't believe he'd have that chat with his boys and not her.

Oh, that's right...she owns him.

randomx
Community Member

God yeah l know how you feel regards anyone else , can't stand the thought of even bothering if gf and l don't work it out. Can't see anything with anyone else either.

But yeah that's a biggie for him for sure , how does he talk to her about moving out when she owns half the house and probably did it for somewhere to live herself too. But at the same time yeah sounds like her and the bf might work out so they'd probably want their own soon anyway , we can hope right.

He could invest the change of selling and come live at yours. l know your daughters not talking to his right now but who knows what his will do anyway and that stuff will probably blow over by then anyway. Beats e why he'd think of the other option instead of yours apart from the kids to figure out.

Sounds like he is thinking about it all though for sure , that's something. 3yrs is a turning point too for sure and figuring out if you have a future and what's it gonna look like and it does sound like he is well aware of that these days.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

I've always known living with all our kids would be a challenge. He's just realised now, after 3 years. That's why he saying when the older ones all move out where will we live together. I do feel he keeps suggesting I'll go there ie when my youngest finishes school, cos I won't move from my area till she does. He has said in the past we could live wherever I want but I REALLY realise now he says and does things things without thinking so what he says doesn't mean much to me any more. I guess it hadn't for a while, hence why I'm so non comital when he asks me. When we started dating and he spoke about us living together I felt a bit rushed and asked what time frame he sees it happening. He said 12 months. That was too soon for me, but he said it nearly 3 years ago and yet here we are. Sis still not moving,kids not talking.

He does not think big picture at all. He did say yesterday he needs to be a better planner, needs to start planning for our future. So far all the plans still have sis in them. That's not part of my plan.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

M came past for a quick visit today. He mentioned his Mum has a bday gift for (my baby was in June) and she asked why she hasn't seen me for so long. She said to M she misses me and asked what's going on. M's reply to her was that we'd been in lockdown etc but he was shuffling his feet as he told me so I guess he knows that's bs and he's well aware why I haven't been over there. It's the first time it's come up since I stopped going there. His mum is so thoughtful and non intrusive. If she knew the truth, I wonder what she'd say. She has always been respectful of our time. I told M I could pop over on a Saturday, that I haven't seen his sis either since her op. He agreed. Thing is, I haven't been there for nearly 2 months and he's said nothing about it till now, cos his mum adked what's going on.

Interesting. I don't think I'm gonna pop in on the weekend. I'm sure we'll still be in LOCKDOWN.

Tess2
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Dear CMF,

alarm bell for me, if he can’t tell his mum the truth and perhaps discuss with her, she knows her children and may have had wise words for him. And you say she is not intrusive at all. Why not go there? Go see his mother, you may need to give an inch here

tess

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Tess,

yes agree , but his mum lives 2 doors down from him so I'd have to pop into his place, possibly with sis there. Sis says she misses me too but the thought of her being there gives me anxiety. His mum knows how thoughtful & caring I am so she knows something not right.

He just won't face the reason why I don't go there. The elephant in the room. Lockdown has been a total of less than 3 weeks in the 2 months I haven't been there. I reckon I could be honest with his mum. I reckon she'd understand.

On another note, she hasn't been the gym to exercise cos of lockdown and too scared to walk in case she falls. M was lovely enough to take her out for a walk today. I wonder what they chatted about. Sis is on gentle exercise since her op, don't know why she hasn't been walking with her mum. I guess she prefers the spin bike and putting it on social media so everyone knows about the surgery.

They are so different. Wouldn't it be funny if his mum asked me and I just told her the truth lol. I should ask M why he didn't. I reckon she'd understand.

Few years ago, after their dad passed we went to the cemetery all together. We were going to all go for lunch but his mum said no. She said she wanted to go home cos Sunday was the only day M & I had together. His sis said she didn't care, she was coming to lunch with us.

That says it all. Just can't tolerate her.

randomx
Community Member

Haaa , she'd come too , sounds like sis.

His mum probably knows is my guess , she'd know her daughter and put two and two together even if m didn't spell it out. My mum always knew damn well how some of the sisters could be.

l know m's a rug sweeper but in this case and that elephant , l can sort of understand it.He'd have a loyalty to his sis bc they're close so he doesn't wanna be involved in any bad talk but then of cause at the same time a loyalty to you too . So it sounds like he's trying to keep natural in this one.

rx

randomx
Community Member

PS , sorry that was suppose to be neutral.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

On another subject,we were originally against vaccination but can now see the need for it. M got his done without telling me. Saw a pop a clinic with his mate who wanted to get it so he did it. I have anxiety over it to the point it gives me chest pains. I saw my Dr yesterday for a chat and was going to do it but my anxiety took over and I backed out. I know it needs to be done but I'm not ready and don't want to feel forced. Part of my anxiety i realise is that if I don't, how do we continue in a relationship? He will have freedom, I won't if we have lockdowns. I'm disappointed that he got it done without telling me, wanted to support his friend and knew he'd eventually get it, but what Bout supporting me. I'm realising more and more I am upset with him for doing it. I wouldn't stop him but aren't we a team? Shouldn't we talk about these things? If I got a tatoo without telling him he wouldn't be happy.

Thoughts?