Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[Tess2]

Dear CMF,

I really feel for you, I know what it is like to love someone who is not bringing equality to the situation.

you know I have expressed reservations before, but Are you nuts? He may be a love,y man and all that , but really he not at all prioritising you and your situation. You also have the youngest child and that is more important than the feelings of near adults.

He sounds to me like the only person he can say no to is you. His plans for your future together are all in the future, maybe years away. This pattern is not going to change. Even jf he move out and in somewhere with you the pattern will not change.

i have never know a man in love who puts off his future for YEARS.

you are not happy and your unhappiness is more and more and becoming the norm.

Please think very carefully about what this is doing to you and your family.

i speak from experience

love tess

[Guest_1584]

Ahhhhh. cm .

What are we gonna do with him. Yaknow , he's become a happy family man again after his divorce and stuff , eve if the sis things a bit weird . l mean if not for him actually having a relationship to think about too , glory to him really if he's happy with all that l guess he's a lucky man in many ways .

But yeah , it's a tricky alright and he sure doesn't wanna hear those conversations does he eh. l can't believe he isn't complaining about no time together . Families one thing but Jezuzz , nothing nicer than time and life together too that's what it's all about.

[CMF]

I read something today about wanting peace of mind and not wanting things that complicate my life. I'm feeling this is all too complicated. It's messy, like his house. People everywhere that shouldn't be there. People owning his house and him. That's the thing with him. He is so easy going about everything, either ignores or just says says without thinking of the ramifications. Hdoesn't Think how something he days or agree to will affect the future. The house is messy with her crap, his life is messy cos of what he allows. I'm waiting for her to move out to see if things change. It's always been my indicator. I'm not interested in meeting anyone again so my plan has been to wait, see if he can prove me wrong. It should be a Few months away. That will be the test. In the mean time I'm detached. Don't think he sees it, just thinks I sound bored. May ask what's wrong but doesn't really want to hear or deal with the answer.

[CMF]

came across this...

The truth is sometimes we change our minds about love and ‘I love you’ becomes ‘I don’t know if I can do this anymore.’ Sometimes ‘I’ll stay with you forever’ becomes ‘I have to leave before I lose my mind’ and sometimes ‘I’ll never break your heart’ becomes ‘I need to take care of my own heart for now.’

[Guest_1584]

Oh God , couldn't have said all that better myself with as you know in my own situation too.l just couldn't be bothered with someone else either and strangely as you know my situation could need a few mths or 6mths before we know anything also. Pretty ironic isn't it just for different reasons really.

But l can certainly feel for ya as with my own as well . lt's weird how l've literally fought love off during our 2 1/2 yrs with her situation and all, but l'd started giving into it just before she left for home last time and now l'm back to fighting it off again. But it has helped keep me in check and right now l really need that so it's just as well.

You begin to feel so threatened by time don't you , bloody time time time. But that sounds like as gooda plan as any anyway cm. You've given it this long and the thing is when you two are alone finally you have beautiful times so maybe when that damn sis is out of the way things will find their way once and for all.

[CMF]

I love how you just get it RX. I'm trying to work out what's changed with me. Very am I feeling differently? Why are little things bothering me that never did? Why am I so negative now? Why am I thinking all these things that are probably incorrect? I've come up with a few things.

I'm tired of the situation, but I knew what we were in for as far as living together. The sis so situation is just too long now though.

I expected to feel closer but feeling more distant,I'm distancing myself cos I feel his attention is always elsewhere. I don't know if it's changed or do I just notice it more cos it's been so long with the sis.

When you start a relationship you accept a person as they are. Why am I finding things unacceptably? Are they happening more often cos he's settled into a comfort zone with me?

I'm not as lovely dovey on the phone and when I go there. I'm often moody from work & he's probably picking up on that & it affects him.

Im not making much effort, I leave early if sis is there, I don't drop in on Saturday's cos sis is there and she's always there dominating. I shut down when she's there. I don't get into conversations & I'm withdrawn.

We knew we'd wait for older kids to finish school before looking at our options living together. They finish this year but all the work on his pLace makes it look like he's staying put. So where does that leave me/us. I feel like the 18 yo again. Think I'm being triggered.

My main issue is we have 4-5 hours a week together and I want that time for us,not stupid interruptions from sis. She has to be in everything. I feel I'm still trying to learn about him. I'm now wondering what he'd be like to live with. If we had more time together it's different.

I love alone time, he knows that, he loves that I can be independent. Why does it bug me now. Is it because I know he may be withbthwm not me? If they weren't there would I feel differently.

I dont know what he's like as a 'single man cos our whole relationship has had this other woman there.

I dont even talk much anymore in general cos I can't be bothered. I don't want to keep digging at sis cos she's in my spot.

[CMF]

M is always happy & sociable but for all I know he could be sick of the sis crap everywhere but will never say it. I know he was sick of her protein/ drink bottled everywhere. He made that clear. Before she decided to move in & take over, to fill the void in her life, he wouldn't have known what she'd be like to live with as an adult as they're 11 years apart. M is tidy. I could be thinking all the wrong things, that he'd rather he with them etc. He knows I'm a negative overthinker. It takes 2, if I'm not giving why would he. If 1 withdraws why wouldn't the other? I need him to understand why I withdraw. When sis goes, I still have my little miss & he's always accepted that. If he had a young child is accept that too. Your own child is diff to an adult sister.

The son's gf not moving in. He spoke with sis and they decided it wasn't the answer to the gf having issues with her mum. I do wonder what M would have decided if he didn't have to ask sis? It is his son and if he wanted to allow it he should have been allowed to. The fact he asked his sis tells me he was unsure. He told his son he needed to discuss it with sis as the house is hers. What a shame, he can't make a decision on his own son cos of sis.

Poor M, he can't even make decisions on his own anymore cos she owns them. Has to consult 'wifey. No wonder I feel on the outer. When I asked yesterday how he went he said ok but hesitated before telling me more. I actually thought he wasn't going to tell me but I could hear he was washing something so may have still been at work with people around as he spoke quietly.

Last night was the super moon. I went tho bed really early. M told me to go out and look at the moon but I told him I couldn't be bothered. I did think it would be romantic to be looking at the moon at the same time but i didn't have it in me.

It would be nice if he picked up on my mood and asked sincerely if everything's ok instead of accepting I'm 'bored.

[CMF]

Possibly 7 day lockdown. Tell me bf won't shack up there. The happy threesome while isolated

[Guest_1584]

Ahh thx cm.

But it's no mystery. You've been surviving on 5hrs a wk and instead having time just given to others , you get no alone time, you can't just come and go as you please, his priorities the threesome all nearly 3yrs. Your only human yep no wonder you feel the outer , don't be too hard on yourself anyone would be.

But yeah can't believe this new lock down. Funny a friend invited me to Adelade and this is the 3rd time in 12 mths l've been gonna go and what the , yet another lock down , crikey thought all that was history finally. l hope he wants to make it work for you guys if that bloody sis gets the time instead that's it , we're all coming over to separate them once and for all.

[CMF]

I'm gonna suggest we go shopping together and make his room more cosy, before his sis does it. If He allows her to do it it's just weird. He also said he wants me to help him pick plants for the front garden. That's nice, I like that he wants me involved..

If sis knows, and jumps in to do it, then clearly she wants to be his main woman.