Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

You wisely ignored my attempt at humor, I'm rightly squashed:)

Your news was pretty good, having the food arrive with visitors is an excellent arrangement, I realy hoped you enjoyed the visit. It was good news about your husband's being able to eat a little too.

As Mrs Dools says both your needs have to be addressed. Have you had time to think more about respite?

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Dools & Croix

Sorry I didn't think I could squash a walrus or are you suggesting I'm grossly overweight!!!

It was nice to have my son & DIL cook. My DIL is an excellent cook & she made sure my son followed the recipe properly!! It was good just having the one family. We couldn't have coped with multiple families & the grandchildren all egging each other on. Normally it is good to see the cousins playing together but not yet.

Saw the GP again today. & told he needs to continue the strong painkillers at night. He tried lowering the dosage last night but couldn't sleep so was exhausted today.

I am going away by myself at the beginning of June. Still feeling apprehensive & guilty. I'm trying to deal with travel insurance to get money back for cancelling for my husband which I find stressful. I need to prepare a lot of things so my husband can manage without me. I hope the carers work out OK for my husband.

I still feel exhausted all the time & find it hard to be motivated. The mornings are difficult as I need to wait until my husband is ready to get up so I can help him. This means I can't start doing things without being interrupted. I miss being a wife instead of a carer.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Dools & Croix

Croix I'm sorry I squashed you. I will need to lose weight to avoid doing it again!!!

My husband is able to eat more normally now & he has stopped the daytime painkillers which is enabling him to function a bit better. He still needs high doses at night so he can sleep.

I have cancelled the trip for my husband & will go on my own. It is scary wondering how we will both manage. There is a lot for me to organise beforehand to ensure my husband can cope. My psychologist was pleased as he feels it will be a chance to learn what works as he believes I will need regular breaks away to cope with my situation. I will speak with the people arranging respite closer to departure so I can give them a better picture of what my husband's needs will be.

At the moment I still feel very flat & tired. Struggling to get motivated to anything. I need to work out what my priorities are so I can get the essential things done which includes getting enough rest to recover from the emotional roller coaster I've been on.

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth,

I am sure you have mixed emotions about everything right now. It will good for you to try some respite care for your husband. Make a list of all the questions you want to ask the service.

Please realise too that one person may not be a good fit for your husband, that does not mean that other people will not be capable. When I worked in Aged care, some residents like different staff members, that happens anywhere.

Hopefully you will be able to sort out the insurance. Sometimes that can be a bit tricky! I'm sure some companies hope you will give up! Can a family member help you with that at all?

Also hoping your holiday goes well and you are able to enjoy yourself despite thinking about your husband and wondering how he is getting on.

Cheers for now from Dools

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Please don't apologize, we walruses are pretty flexible and can bounce back from a realy professional grade squashing with no harmful effects. As for if you should lose a pound or two, I'm not silly, I'll remain mum:)

Mrs Dools is quite right, there are all sorts of carers, and as I see some every week at a friend's place honestly say the vast majority are a real asset.

I'm glad you are brave enough to go by yourself on that holiday. It is bravery as you are facing the unknown and know you will worry and have the guilts. The one thing it is not is failing your husband. Like any long term activity you cannot go flat out all the time, you don't sprint in a marathon.

I think your psych is right, you are exploring boundaries and that must help for the future.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Glad you bounced back from the squashing!!! As for my weight: in your mind I should have a perfect figure, very fit & good looking. Just as well you can't see the reality.

Had to babysit yesterday & then needed to clean & tidy the house today as a result. One grandson was dropped off at 7am so started early. My husband was able to retreat to his bed & listen to talking books whenever he needed. He slipped in the creek on a walk. Fortunately only one foot went in so had to wash & dry socks afterwards. Good job his parents aren't too precious about their son. Then my daughter dropped hers off at 11am after which bedlam quickly ensued. My husband was trapped in his room as a giant cubby + toys took over the living room. They are good kids but don't understand what having a broken rib means. Later my son took his son home & things quietened somewhat but I cheated & pushed the pile of toys cushions to the side so my husband could get through safely. I got out an encyclopedia & showed then the pictures of the anatomy of the human body. The 4 & 7 year old were fascinated & asked lots of questions including studying the differences between males & females. Their mum is pregnant so they were trying to understand where the baby was!!! They also love looking at the world globe. The other funny thing was my son's 4 yr old pointed to the postman & asked why he was driving his motorbike on the 'human road' instead of the 'car road' where it belonged. I love the way kids can make up words or phrases which so accurately reflect their meaning but is so different to normal words or phrases.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

You certainly sound as if you are on top of the babysitting. I thought for a moment it was your husband got the wet foot, but worked it out. Very sensible to retreat with boisterous kids on the rampage.

They may be the last generation to have things pointed out in books.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Yesterday was full on as th family got together for birthdays & mothers day. It was delayed due to my husband. It was nice seeing everyone but I was glad for peace & quiet after they left.

Today feeling extremely tired. I haven't recovered from the initial fatigue associated with the first hospital admission despite attempts to rest. I feel like my life is on hold because I'm too tired to do anything useful.

[Elizabeth CP]

Still tired.

I saw my psych yesterday & we talked about my plan to go away on my own. He agreed with it.I mentioned having checked that my husband was OK about me going. The psych asked 'Why do you need permission.' He thought getting permission was giving someone else control of my life which is wrong.

I was brought up where family members always checked with others before making definite plans. I remember my dad asking mum if she minded him going out for an hour or 2. It was considered polite to check with others to ensure your plan didn't conflict with the other person's plan

My question is When is it appropriate to ask permission & when is this feeding into my tendency to fit in with everyone else & put my needs last.

I'm interested in anyones opinion

[deep67]

Just diagnosed with drug induced parkinsonism, from anti psychotics, anyone else? not helping with my depression and anxiety.losing all material things but still hopeful.