Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Croix]

Dear Deep67~

Although you are listed as having made 2 posts I can't find the other one - my apologies. That being the case I'll treat this one as your first and start by welcoming you here.

I'm very sorry to hear the medications have had that horrible effect. My grandfather had Parkinson's disease so I've some small idea of what is involved.

Look, can I suggest that it might be better if you made a personal thread of your own? I mention this because it is by far the best way to let the majority of people know what is happening to you and maximize your chances to talk with others who may have similar problems.

This thread here is normally only reached by those who are talking with Elizabeth, and that is only a very small percentage of all that are here.

I'll be looking look out for you, any hassles sing out

Croix

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

I'm sorry, though not surprised, you are still tired.

Your question is not as straightforward as one might imagine. I can understand a medical professional who might deal every day with women whose lives are dominated by men in abusive relationships thinking that no permission is needed, however I don't think your position is the same. There are a couple of things.

A lifetime of habit between husband and wife does build expectations, and to suddenly change can be a worrying development. As an example if my partner suddenly went out without letting my know were, or if I did that to her, we would think something was wrong. In my case I might wonder if I had dome something to annoy her (yes, I know, an impossibly remote possibility).

In your husband's case with his disability he is much more reliant than most, and to simply announce your forthcoming departure might be frightening. While not suggesting he be allowed to prohibit your going it might take some tact to put him at ease with (or at least accept) the idea.

I guess to try answer your question (which I've no real hope of doing properly) you would have to know how important the matter was. Medical matters - such as your well-being - trump another's convenience. You would also have to know realistically what the effect of your actions might be.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you Croix, I'm glad you reassured me that you would be extremely unlikely to do anything wrong. That is what I expected of you!!!

My question re asking permission was more general. In the case of me going away I believe it was important to discuss it with my husband.

I think it is polite to check with other people who are likely to be affected by your choices before making final decision But this should cut both ways so both share in decisions rather than one controlling the other.

The reason I brought this up is that I tend to seek permission sometimes because I don't feel entitled to do what I want. I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself well. It is more about seeking reassurance that what I'm doing or thinking of doing is OK because I feel guilty about doing things for myself or putting someone out.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Of course I live up to your expectations:)

I understand what you mean about validation, I guess the problem is if it is taken too far. You know what is important and you need to be able to continue on wiht you plans even if you do not receive another's blessing. It might be uncomfortable but somethings simply must be done anyway. You are quite sensible enough to realize what things need doing, and i suppose keeping the idea of necessity foremost in the mind may quieten down your needs for approval.

Dunno

Croix

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Yesterday was a good day. The weather was nice & I'd slept well. Got up late but felt less tired & more motivated than I have for ages particularly later in the day when I'm usually exhausted. Unfortunately this hasn't lasted. I got up early after a broken nights sleep. Mowed the grass before my dtr dropped off grandkids at 8am. The grandkids were fine until my son arrived with his 2 at the park & they started annoying their cousins. Came home & my son helped me get lunch for everyone. One nice thing was my oldest grandson commented that his 2 yr old brother was the cutest boy in the world!! Later he told me he is so lucky having such a good brother.

By the time everyone left in the afternoon I felt tired & unmotivated. I found anxiety levels escalated. I think there are a few things I'm worrying about so I'm feeling out of control.

[Elizabeth CP]

This week has been very stressful. I leave tomorrow & have had tons to organise both for myself but more importantly setting everything up for my husband. Unfortunately the arrangements I had made earlier fell apart & attempts to sort out alternative carers became extremely difficult & stressful.

Since my last post I've had siblings visit & ring. Although I love them I am stressing as one is visiting in a months time & has a list of things she wants to do but the other has different ideas so I feel caught in between. I am not good at working out what I need or want & being assertive enough to put forward my wishes. I find her son who is disabled hard to handle & her husband can be difficult. Maybe it is just me worrying too much.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

It sounds like once again you have overcome all those difficulties and I'm delighted you leave tomorrow. Even though I'm sure you will stress about leaving your husband in other's care I'm also sure that distance will be good for you.

You are really crossing your bridges worrying about your sister's visit. It may sort out without any action on your part. Can you try to concentrate on your time away? I think one of the wisest moves you have made recently was to just cancel your husband's booking and go by yourself.

How will your back stand up to the travel?

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Hi Croix, I'm back. My back survived although my neck struggled with the jolting over rough roads & my shoulder is a bit sore but will come good soon.

My husband managed fairly well. I'm trying to identify what worked & what didn't to learn for the future.

I was quite tired a lot of the time due to the stress of getting ready & then being on the go on tour. I also felt a bit out of place as others were either single or with their partners so I fitted into neither category. One day I became badly triggered on a walk by the burnt vegetation we walked through. I had coped earlier so this came out of the blue. By the time I arrived at the destination,a beautiful gorge with water hole to swim in the emotional strain of trying to keep myself under control cracked & I burst into tears. This meant others noticing & asking what was wrong. Trying to explain was embarrassing & led to people trying to reassure me with logic. Unfortunately I know the logic but my mind doesn't so I just felt everyone thinks I'm stupid & overreacting. This experience left me feeling bad for several days.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeht~

It's nice to have you back. I'd hope after reading your account that it would encourage you to take off more often. Yes I agree it's a right pain you were triggered, and being given 'logical' fixes is so annoying, still it may not happen again (Sahara next time, just incombustible sand). Happened to me coming out of a movie theater around 6 months ago, as you say embarrassing.

I really would not worry about the impression you left with them, they are probably busy being vexed with themselves for being so obviously unable to give the needed comfort.

I'm afraid it is built into people that offering support means fix-it. It took me a while to learn better. That plus the fact I couldn't fix things anyway.

I think the really good thing is your husband survived the experiencing, and with you taking note of what did and did not work next time will be that much smoother.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

I'm sorry Croix The Sahara is off the bucket list. Heat sand & high risk of sunburn are definite no nos. Now if you suggested the Arctic or Antarctica that would suit me fine!!!

Next challenge is my sister's visit. I'm visiting my brother Monday to discuss what is happening so I feel a bit more in control. The visit should be something to look forward to but I'm worried because the last time I spent with her I really struggled dealing with her son, daughter & husband. Hopefully the daughter will be better this time as she is no loner a spoilt teenager but her son is autistic & can be very difficult & my brother & SIL say her husband has got worse not better.