Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

I can see how talking about the walks is extra pressure, so I apologize. I guess when I find something that helps me I want to share.Trying to order your priories is an excellent idea , and if on this occasion it did not work out there are always other times.

A pity about your psych, do you mind if I ask what went wrong?

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix, I know that both you and my psych had my best interests at heart when encouraging me to get back to walking. When my psych first spoke about the daily walks it was a needed reminder & felt encouraging rather than pressured. Later when I tried to get advice on trying to get control back in my life it changed. Commiting to a set time to walk might be good but being pressured into that commitment without considering all the other things I need to do means it may not be sustainable. If I try to walk every morning before breakfast that makes it really hard for me to help my husband get ready when he needs to go out or I get up really early & risk becoming more tired. I need to work out an effective weekly routine so my activities including walks fit with the other essential tasks eg the 2days my husband goes out in the morning I leave for my walk when he leaves or i stop on the way home from dropping him off.

I feel like I'm either busy with appointments & things that have to be done which take up a lot of time & then the rest of the time I'm either pushing myself to get things done or I'm so tired & overwhelmed I can't get motivated which leaves me feeling feeling guilty & useless. The psych didn't seem to understand what I was asking so he kept pushing the walking & then implying if I rest I'll just fall into a slump & get worse but I know in the past pushing myself too hard just causes me to crash.

I need help to learn to find the middle ground & to know when to push myself & when to relax so I can be more effective. I also need to find a way to be clearer in what is important for my husband & I & to better schedule things so we can do things we want to do rather than just fitting everything around appointments & everything else.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself very well.

On Tuesday I see a different counselor. If anyone has ideas of how best to get him to guide me so I can improve.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Yes you have explained things fine, and I quite agree it is very difficult as so much depends on you.

Perhaps with your new psych you might talk about where the previous one went wrong, putting on too much pressure? What do you think?

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Maybe I could ask for help to work out strategies to organise my life better perhaps trying to keep appointments etc so one or 2 set days so other days are free to plan other things rather than having things all over the place so getting any routine is impossible. Trying to think it through by myself just seems to get too hard I need strategies to help me be more effective in discussing difficult things with my husband so I don't get triggered & give up

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

I think those are excellent suggestions, as you say working out strategies is a very necessary base to start from and any help you can get to work them out has got to be a help

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Sorry I haven't replied for a while. I'm still really up & down. I struggle with so many conflicting demands on my time Currently I'm feeling very unwell which is making it hard to move forward.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Don't worry abut not posting, it happens, particularly when one is struggling. We are simply pleased to hear from you when you can make it.

Do you mind if I ask about your feeling unwell, is this being overwhemed or is there a back problem or similar to make things worse at the moment?

Are you still looking forward to dance classes with your husband when things are a bit more sorted?

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix I have a faith a bad headache which is making me feel exhausted. It also makes me anxious because I worry about passing it on to my husband. Based on past history that could be disastrous Minor infections cause important muscles to stop working so he can't protect his airways leading to life threatening form of pneumonia. He also becomes very reliant on me because he doesn't have the strength to do simple things. I am also feeling overwhelmed with competing demands without the physical or emotional energy to cope. My attempts to move forward seem to constantly hit roadblocks leaving me feeling useless & out of control. These are both very negative feelings leaving me feeling like giving up.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

I'm sorry you are unwell and that things are piling up. The worry over your huband getting an infection is a very draining thing.

Sometimes I need an escape and really have no time or opportunity to do anything. Then I take a few minutes to retreat to a calming scene from my childhood. You no doubt have heard me rabbit on about it in the Happy Memories thread.

I cast my mind back to the grassy cliff-top, wind, rain, grey seas, gulls and sheep. The phrase 'tears in the rain' comes from a movie, but does depict the rain washing care away, or being blown away in the gusts of wind. The grey sea vista reminds me of all the world, not just my portion with all it's cares and difficulties.

I've been doing this for years, and can slip into this place without great upheaval.

Why go on about it here? Well, sometimes inner resources is all one has until things improve. Can you think of something similar that is unique to you?

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Croix I really appreciate your suggestions & constant encouragement. Sometimes remembering things from the past helps me. Your description took me back to Wales & coastline in England. I have Welsh relatives & love Snowdonia particularly.

Unfortunately I sometimes find those same memories that are pleasant at times can trigger feelings of loss. I have a large framed photograph in my bedroom of my husband thigh deep in snow on a mountain in the Peak District. It brings me memories of a beautiful but challenging day together exploring & eventually sliding down hill as the soft snow gave way with each step. These can be good memories but sometimes it reminds me of the loss of those experiences for the future.