Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

Elizabeth CP · ‎01-12-2016

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

Doolhof · ‎28-04-2018

Hi Elizabeth,

My goodness, stuff just seems to keep on happening sometimes doesn't it!

Is it possible to organise some respite care for your husband, even if it is for a week to give you time for a decent rest. I don't know if this is easy to do in your area, if it is financially possible or something you even want to consider.

If the hospital say your husband will need to be in hospital for a few days is it possible for you to go somewhere and stay overnight close by if need be, just for a total change.

Sometimes I head away for an over night stay or a weekend away somewhere. I can feel like I have been gone for a week sometimes and is so beneficial.

It really is horrible bad luck that your husband had a fall. I feel so sorry for both of you! Hopefully you can return to your friend's in time.

Huge hugs to you from Dools

Elizabeth CP · ‎28-04-2018

Thanks Dools & Croix. I'm going to my son's for tea. In some ways I'd prefer to stay home but probably need to get out & have a decent meal. Unsure about respite. Can't plan anything until I know how long he'll be in for. I was tempted to drive back to my friends but don't feel up to the long drive at the moment. Will write later once I have time.

Elizabeth CP · ‎29-04-2018

Today I ended up leaving church early as I couldn't cope. Little things seem to be triggering me. It was mentioned that we need to be watching out for people who are on their own, widowed or without family. It made me feel like I don't count. I have a husband & adult children so my life is OK. I don't need anyone else!!! I know this wasn't what was meant but it is the message I heard. I had to get up early to look after my grandchildren while their parents attended a meeting. The kids were well behaved. Their clothes for church were ironed ready to wear & they had been fed but i struggled getting up on time as I'm so tired. I need to visit my husband but feel unmotivated to do anything. The future feels like a black hole. On one hand I can't be bothered with company I need to be alone but I also feel on my own I'm just dwelling on all the negatives. I don't know what I an do to change this.

Croix · ‎29-04-2018

Dear Elizabeth~

Talk of watching out for people is quite correct, sadly however you are missing the point. You have to watch out for you! Until you do so you will not be in a position to look after grand-kids, son or husband. Please do not spend your resources as you have been.

It is not the end of the world if their parents missed a meeting, they are adults after all and really should be perceptive enough to realize you are at the end of your tether (Yes I'm be almost certain you allayed any fears they might have had on that score, even so ...)

Please stay home and rest by yourself, at least for today and hopefully longer. Try consciously to defeat those negative thoughts, not by reasoning with them but by crowding them out wiht gentle tasks, from sorting photos to going for a walk. You can I'm sure monitor your husband's condition by phone. He too has a duty, even when ill, to look after you and not accept every visit that cost so much.

At some stage you have to come first

Croix

quirkywords · ‎29-04-2018

Elizabeth, After catching up on your posts I think you are coping with so much you are allowed to dwell on what you have to deal with.

I think it is hard to be positive all the time. You do so much and don't complain and you are human so it must get to you at times.

I hope you can be kind to yourself and realise what an amazing job you are doing, how mnay people you are helping and that you also need support.

Thinking of you

Quirky

Elizabeth CP · ‎29-04-2018

Thanks Croix & Quirky, I don't think I'm doing a good job. I feel as though I don't fit in. I don't fit into the groups of people who need or deserve help according to society. In some ways that is correct. I don't need physical help. I should be capable of doing what needs doing. My problem is emotional. I'm exhausted because of the long drive home & late night at the hospital & the worry affecting my sleep. Even when home alone I'm worrying rather than relaxing. I'm concerned how I'll cope once he comes home because even on strong painkillers he's not coping & the pain & meds make him hard to manage.

I don't know where to get support & what support would help me in this situation. I have decided to go back to my friends tomorrow. I can only stay one night because I have an appointment on Tuesday afternoon. One day will be better than none!!!

Croix · ‎30-04-2018

Dear Elizabeth~

Well I'm glad you are going for that visit, a pretty good move.

You are quite right, one day is better than none.

As for needing help, of course you do, though I'm not that familiar with the services available I do know they exist, one of the people I visit every week had such care, and so does another distant relation. As far as I know it is your husband's condition that is the decider, rather than your physical strength. Plus full-time carers need not only in-house help but respite too on an organized and continuing basis.

Mind you with your back problems I'd not think you were that fit anyway. Can I suggest you ring our support line on 1300 22 4636 and ask what services are available in your area. I'd also talk to your and your husband's doctor as well as the Hospital Welfare Officer. You are most capable of making those inquiries.

I hope you enjoy that day away

Croix

Elizabeth CP · ‎01-05-2018

I asked the nurse if there was any help available when my husband gets home. I was told he normally showers himself & he has me to do all the meals housework etc so there was nothing available. She was going to get a social worker to ring yesterday but that didn't happen. I rang BB & was told they only have brief counselling so I should just read or go for a walk to distract myself. I try that anyway so not much help. Today I was due to see my psych & felt I really needed him only to get a text cancelling appointment as he was sick. Not his fault but it feels like I can't win. I went for a walk this afternoon (my friend had to go out) thinking that would help but my thoughts became very negative. Don't know where to turn for help.

Doolhof · ‎02-05-2018

Dear Elizabeth,

My heart goes out to you! For the last few months I feel like I have been running around all over the place trying to get help and no one is listening!

I even walked out the front of the Church (uninvited) and told the congregation I was so depressed I was experiencing suicidal thoughts daily. The Minister came over, prayed for me and told me to go and sit down! That was that. Nothing else happened.

I even wrote to the Minister of Health in our State, and was given phone numbers to ring.

I don't know how you get the help you need Elizabeth! I just hope by some miracle you do receive it!

Reading self help books seem to help me to a certain extent. It is okay as long as your mind is in the right mood to take the information in!

Your frustration is understandable! I hope someone there listens to you and helps you soon!

Huge hugs from Dools

Elizabeth CP · ‎02-05-2018

Thanks Dools, Your experience is appalling but seems typical of those with MH issues. It is too easy to hand over a phone number or pat you on the back & say 'You hope they're OK' but rush away before the talk gets any deeper.