Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth,

I'm pleased my imagery was of some help to you. Hope your husband is going okay, also hope your son gets all the help and support he needs and the strength o carry on regardless of how he feels.

Hope the rain has been refreshing for the garden and somehow helps you feel cleansed as well. Our garden too has received a much needed soaking!

Next week I will be staying with family so won't be on the forum. I will be thinking of you and your family, and everyone else here on the forum.

Cheers to you from Dools

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Dools, I hope your trip to family is pleasant & peaceful. I hope you find time for some nice walks. Today my husband wasn't too good so had to be extra careful with meals & medications. No point in giving him tablets if he can't get them down. He wasn't well enough for church so we listened to some church talks on my laptop & discussed them. One related a story about a person acting on a navy ship which was in trouble during a storm. He was asked to pray for the ship's safety. He prayed for guidance to know what he could do to help. He was inspired to speak to the captain to get more information then prayed again. He was then prompted to go out on deck to see for himself what was happening. He needed a rope tied to him to prevent him being washed overboard. He then prayed about what he'd noticed & asked the lord for guidance. The spirit told him to ask the captain to slow down the good engine because it was under too much strain. Not long after the storm subsided the good engine died so the ship limped to safety on the remaining damaged engine. If the engine had been left as it was it would have broke during the storm leaving the ship unable to be steered & kept safe.

I thought this showed how I need to be better at praying for guidance to get through the trials we're having. On my own I don't have the strength or knowledge to know what to do. I just need to put that into practice!!!!

[Elizabeth CP]

I feel like my life is on hold. I'm so focussed on helping my husband recover & being unable to plan ahead as I don't know what is in store for us. I need to have something to look forward to I

[Doolhof]

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for sharing this powerful story. It can be hard to put God first in all things, but He understands how we are feeling and that at times we shut Him out even when we don't mean to.

It is wonderful you were able to share that experience with your husband. I am so very sorry that his health is causing so many issues.

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you Elizabeth. God has those!

I'm heading off after lunch today and won't be back until Monday. I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your husband.

Hugs to you from Dools

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Dools & Hi to anyone else reading.

Today I saw my psychologist. Visits have been less frequent than usual because of his other commitments. It was helpful to talk things over with someone who really understood what I was going through. He made a few suggestions for me to care for myself so I can cope with the stress I'm under but I need to work on my own thoughts to prioritise my own needs. I still need to learn how to balance my needs & my role as my husbands carer. This is complicated by the fact that his needs are changing. I am trying to work out how to prepare for the future when he becomes even more dependent on me. My psych wants me to move towards feeling comfortable have time away as respite because in the future that respite is going to be essential to keep going but I'm still struggling to do that withou feeling guilty.

[Elizabeth CP]

I am feeling very down today. My husband is slowly improving but still has a long way to go. I feel unable to plan anything as I don't know when my husband will be back to normal. There is also the rear that he will have similar episodes of illness more frequently limiting further what we can do. I don't cope when I have nothing to look forward to.

I'm struggling because I haven't helped my son & DIL move. My husband's illness gave me a good excuse to use but it goes against my values. Last time I was at my son's house I helped clear up but my son was told off by his wife(over the phone) for letting me help. Other times I've helped she leaves everything for other people instead of doing anything herself so I find spending any time with her very stressful & difficult.. Today my daughter who lives overseas told me off for not helping. She is away from the situation so she isn't as aware of the issues. My daughters comments just exacerbated my guilt feelings.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Many people struggle wiht the idea of respite, even though it's presence makes the impossible possible. I'm sure it is no use telling you that nobody is a bottomless well of strength, care and giving, it's true nevertheless. We all need to come up for air and recharge.

If your husband's need become greater over time that is more load for you, and respite becomes more and more necessary. You need time, space, enjoyment and peace in order to survive, let alone care for another. I suspect wiht that assured the future might not look so daunting.

You overseas daughter has aired her opinions, which are at the very least thoughtless. I'm afraid if it had been me I'd have lost my temper, or at least talked very straight and to the point.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you Croix, I needed your words of support. My overseas daughter is actually a very loving thoughtful person which is why her comment hit hard. I really miss her!!!

I will need some respite but at the moment can't get it. I need to be here to help get my husband back to normal. The uncertainty not knowing if he will recover fully or if this illness is a sign that he is getting worse. Once things settle & the future is clearer I may be able to arrange some respite if needed. I don't know what he will need in the future so I cant arrange anything.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Even loving thoughtful persons can need their perceptions correcting at times. Distance does make for misunderstandings. There is no need for you to be burdened with her misguided thoughts when she should be applauding and encouraging.

Now your husband is home is there anyone to spell you from time to time? If not a friend or family then perhaps the equivalent of Domiciliary Care?

Croix

[quirkywords]

Elizabeth

I do find your honest posts very emotional and moving. I feel quite in awe of what you do and how you rarely complain. My life is like a picnic compared to what you are coping with yet I often whinge. And you do not seem to at all.

Did you manage to organise some respite? I think when people are removed geographically like your daughter it is hard for them to know what is going on. She obviously cares for her brother and you.

I am not comparing my life, just observing and learning!!

Quirky