Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[quirkywords]

Elizabeth,

I am just catching up on your posts. I drop in from time to time to see how you are going..

I hoe wring here helps you with your full life.

I love wales and there is a great book shop on the border of river Wye.

Looking back in time to find a good memory for me is very difficult as I tend to get bogged down in sad one or Impickmfault with the good ones. for a moment in time, the sweet smell of mangoes , oozing it’s juice down my arm .

I do admire how you cope with all your responsibilities .

Quirky

[blondguy]

Hello Elizabeth

I understand you have a ton on your plate. You have been doing everything you possibly can with utilizing the help from a good GP. I was only trying to provide a small 'way out' which you are more than aware of. You spoke about "how much time you have to yourself...say every day"...you mentioned that when you are doing something you enjoy you can feel really overloaded afterwards which does defeat the purpose for sure

I am not being rude Elizabeth....just a basic question if I may....May I ask if your husband is understanding where your health is concerned? (please ignore the question if inappropriate) Just having a hay fever attack...ugh

my kindest thoughts always

Paul

[Elizabeth CP]

Thankyou Paul, Quirky & Dools for your caring words. It helps hearing from you all & knowing you care even if you can't actually help.

Paul My husband is quite supportive re my health & doesn't want to put undue pressure on me. Unfortunately sometimes his attempts to avoid stressing me can be counterproductive. He will avoid telling me things to stop me worrying but this leads to more stress later & difficulty knowing what is really going on.

Quirky I'm glad it is not just me that has trouble finding a suitable happy memory. I don't think I manage my responsibilities well.

My psych appointment last Tuesday was cancelled as he was ill so I have ages before I can get help to deal with the issues I'm currently facing. I had a very busy Monday & Tuesday trying to catch up with things that were needed & 3 tradesmen turned up on Mon & Tuesday. I'd been trying to arrange for them to come for ages. It was great to get the work done although there is still follow up to complete. It was hectic trying to juggle so many arriving on top of each other & I had to try & prioritize tasks & explain what was needed. We visited a friend who is struggling for a few days. This was going well until Friday when we found out her husband had gone to hospital overnight. The rest of the time with my friend was stressful trying to help her contact family & give her support to cope. I had to babysit Friday night & Saturday morning for my daughter. I needed a break in the afternoon but then realised how little time I have to get ready for my family coming Christmas eve. I tried to write a list to plan what still needs doing but gave up as I was stressing too much. Then my husband started asking about another project that needs doing in the garden. It was a good idea but I have too many urgent jobs on my listo already My husband tells me I need to take a brake & stop stressing but then he asks me to do more things. On Monday he wanted to plant seeds himself. What he forgets is that I had to prepare the ground first to get out all the weeds. There were already plants where but weeds had grown since he last attempted to plant seeds. He can't see which are plants or weeds. I need to get the seeds out for him & then mark with wood exactly where to plant.. Once they are planted I need to weed, water & look after the plants. I feel mean stopping him but I;m feeling overwhelmed already coping with the garden. I have planted things he wanted & are struggling to keep up with them.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

You said I know I sound like a broken record complaining & not helping myself enough

Well the circumstances that make things so difficult for you have not changed - except possibly to get even more stressful, so it is not surprising you respond as you do, don't give it other thought.

You also said in relation to relaxing memories I am still trying to find that one which will consistently work for me

Well that's a pretty good step. One thing I found is the very best memory for me (the clifftop and the waves) is a simple moment in time, it does not mention who else might have been there, what happened next or anything at all. Just the moment itself, and the physical sensations that were there at the time.

Any memory can lead down a track to other events, some not good. I think for me it is the fact it is a frozen moment in time that avoids this pitfall.

Does that make any sort of sense?

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix. Your post made sense I just have to learn to put it into practice.

My latest dilemma was being asked to babysit tomorrow. My preparations for Christmas were derailed by needing to babysit Friday night & Saturday morning leaving me badly needing a break yesterday. My kids are coming tomorrow for our Christmas get together & I will need to rush around preparing, clearing the house & garden shopping & cooking to get ready. I don't cope preparing things while others are around I stress & worry about what people are thinking. I also feel like I'm missing out if others are off talking. This feeds into my negative self esteem. To avoid this I try to have as much done ads possible before anyone arrives & have everything in order so I can cope. Trying to get ready while babysitting will be really hard so I'm likely to not be ready & feel stressed when everyone arrives. If I could see an alternative I would decline but the only alternative is for there other grandparents to babysit but that will mean my son will be very late getting to the get together after picking him up even if the other grandparents could help. The child care centre they've been using has closed down which is why this problem arises.

My husband says he will look after the kids. He suggested things he could do to entertain them. Unfortunately his ideas are unrealistic given my husbands condition & recent history. I wish I could switch off & stop stressing about it because that is not helping.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Those immortal words "Oi! give us a hand" will prevent others just talking and ignoring you slaving away (also gives them a chance to admire your command of the English language). If you are cunning you will have deliberately left jobs to be done, washing up the cooking utensils is always a favorite, as is mixing and carving, not to mention setting the table. While this is going on you wander around refreshing people's glasses and being the perfect hostess.

With your husband looking after the kids, realistic plans or not there really is only one golden rule, count the number of children at the start, and again at the end, if the numbers match then all is well. Finishing up with less -or more- tends to be frowned on. I suppose you better count husbands too.

I've forgotten the ages of the kids in question, however I've been surprised at the mature allowances kids have made for those that are impaired, so perhaps they will help your husband entertain them.

Hang in there, you are amazingly capable

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix, Your ideas of being the perfect hostess are like a dream to me. It is like telling a person who is afraid of flying to just get in a plane & not worry. Once people are around I get flustered & anxious. I find it very difficult to designate jobs in that situation. My attempt to be as organised as possible before others arrive is not an attempt to be superwoman but my attempt to cope with my anxieties!!!! Even when people try to help I struggle.

My son took one son to work so I was left with the 4 yr old. He is better on his own. I managed OK. My husband didn't do much to help. His ideas included going for walks except it was way too hot & he needed me to provide drinks & food etc so he could manage which would just give me more work. Another son turned up early before lunch. He provided lunch but that meant more mess to clean & reorganising things. The food turned out well. The kids had fun except for a few dramas. 7 kids under 8 tends to do that. My house is a disaster. Attempts were made to clear up & most of the dishes were washed or put in the dishwasher. I need to gather the energy to finish clearing up. It is impossible to clean up with the kids all here.

I gave my grandkids each a book for Christmas which they all loved. Tomorrow I'm going to my brothers so I don't have to do too much. Just wish the weather would cool down.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

My mention of the perfect host and all were my attempts to amuse you and make you smile. I know in real life it is not like that for you.

From what you said you survived and things actually sound as if they went a bit better than you expected, I hope that's so.

If your grand kids like books they are on the right path, so many fixate on tablets or similar and spurn print. I hope your visit to your norther's is enjoyable and not too hot

Happy Christmas

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix,

Entertaining others is extremely challenging for me. I cope with immediate family but even DILs & SILs I feel like I won't measure up to their standards. I avoid inviting people outside the family round because I feel so worried about what they will think. In the pst extended family & others have declined invitations which has just confirmed my negative perceptions. This impacts on my ability to make friends as they probably think I'm too mean to invite them to a meal. At least my kids accept me despite my failures.

My grandkids have inquiring minds so they enjoy learning about different things so the books will be good as they were all non fiction but presented in interesting ways. Most questions & you lifted the flap to find the answer including writing & pictures.

I found out today my oldest son had taken his sons 4 &7 to help his cousin demolish walls in his house prior to major work to repair fire damage. My son insisted on helping with his kids because he remembers helping us demolish walls as being a highlight of his childhood. He didn't want his sons to miss out. My son is an electronics engineer & his children enjoy using technology but I am pleased to see them encouraged & enjoying a wide range of indoor & outdoor pursuits.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Well, you are not alone in having difficulties entertaining. I guess I've always found a social occasion harder than one where there is a specific purpose, such as a working bee.

I've no idea if electronic screens will replace books in the future, though I suspect books will have their place. I do think your grand kids are lucky to be able to utilize both sorts.

In a very minor way there's a parallel difference between my offspring and I. I can enjoy a black and white old TV program or movie, in the old fashioned almost square picture - and mono sound. The offspring has to have all digital colour wide screen and at least stereo for enjoyment -so limiting.

I'm sure knocking down walls is fun (though picking up the mess after is another thing)

Croix