Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you Dools & Pamela, 
I went in to see my husband after my grandson was picked up. They haven't found out what is wrong Chest X rays are clear but his breathing is still poor & they are worried about his condition worsening because he is so exhausted. They are unsure how long he will be in hospital for. I've texted my children living in Australia & they have each rung me to find out more. I haven't told the two living overseas as they can't see him anyway. I'm having a slack night tonight as I'm tired. I feel as though I've achieved nothing this week. I had hoped to get my garden cleared up a bit as it looks a mess but I've done very little.  Next weekend I'd planned a birthday party for my husband & invited all the extended family on both sides so I wanted the garden looking reasonable as there isn't enough room to fit inside. Now I don't know what will happen. I had enough on my plate before with my son & his family moving & all their issues & then my other DIL recently started work so she can't take time off & her parents have gone away so she needs help babysitting her older son during the school holidays.  There were other things I need to do but now I feel like I can't think what needs doing. I don't want to ring anyone else because they will think I'm asking for help & I'll feel stupid for not coping better. I don't like people helping because they feel obligated. I don't need help while he's in hospital anyway.

[PamelaR]

Take care dear ElizabethCP

Sending yo all the positive energy I can....

Regards

PamelaR

[Doolhof]

Dear Elizabeth,

Thinking of you and your husband. I really do hoe that if you need help you are able to ask for it. I know that I am not good at asking for help myself even when I could desperately do with assistance.

One thing I have been learning is how to say "NO" when I am just not able to take anything else on. Even that doesn't always work, but when it does, it is empowering. It is not saying "NO" to be mean or to deprive anyone else, but a NO that means I am looking after myself.

It sounds like you are understandably a little overwhelmed with everything that is happening and will be happening in the next week or so. Hopefully you can find time to just sit, rest and think what really needs attention right now.

Wishing you all the best Elizabeth, hope the Drs have some answers soon.

Cheers from Dools

[Elizabeth CP]

Today has been up & down with my husband very unwell last night & still awaiting tests before he can have any food or drink so this is a worry. Tomorrow I need to babysit. My grandson should be well behaved bu I would prefer time to myself but couldn't say no. It is confronting when doctors ask about CPR & then suggest that from a medical viewpoint it is not advisable for my husband. I know this is just a precaution in case things get worse but it is still confronting. I seem to spend so much time answering calls from family members wanting an update on his condition but I feel lost. I'm just the carer with no purpose other than ensuring my husband is OK. My son (with the good wife)did invite me for dinner which was nice. He lives near the hospital so it was easy to visit the hospital after tea so I shouldn't complain. My daughter is unwell & doesn't live near so she can't visit & my other son is supposed to be packing ready to move.

[PamelaR]

Hello Elizabeth

Life sounds quite hectic for you atm. There is so much on your plate. It's understandable that you're feel up and down.

Caring for people can leave you feeling drained and uncared for. Also having to wait for tests to be done and to wait for the results is also very stressful. So, try to be gentle with yourself.

Kind regards

Pammy

[Elizabeth CP]

I'm feeling really tired even though I'm trying to go to be at a reasonable time. I'm feeling very down at the moment. I'm feeling useless. There is so much needing to be done but it all seems pointless while I don't know what is happening to my husband. I'm tired of explaining his situation to everyone who rings. That is all they want to know. I feel very alone yet having to deal with too many people & their demands. Sorry I'm just feeling very negative. My psych is away so my appointment with him is less frequent than normal at the time I could do with it.

[PamelaR]

Awww Elizabeth. You don't know what's happening with hubby. It must be so frightening. Then having all those people phone and make demands on you. Wow, I can see why you're tired, feeling down and negative.

Have you thought about taking the phone off the hook? Guess that would be difficult if the hospital or your hubby phone.

If you're psych's not about, what about ringing the BB 24hr line 1300 22463624.?I'm sure they'll be there for you to talk.

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth,

It must be very draining for you not knowing what is happening to your husband and needing to tell family information you just don't have at hand. I too was going to ask if you might feel comfortable phoning the Beyondblue help line.

I am also wondering if you might be able to tell one son what is going on and ask him if he can call his siblings to let them know as you are becoming quite tired with all the calls.

Is there a support worker or a chaplain at the hospital you could talk to? Just having a chat with someone and a cuppa can make a huge difference.

Are there some things you can do to help yourself feel better? Do you have a favourite meal you like to eat, favourite take away, a special place in a park to sit for a little while?

Hopefully the time with your Grandson went okay. Maybe you could do some finger painting together, make up some play dough go to a park...guess it all depends how old he is!

Not knowing what is happening can be very draining. It is good that you are able to share here how you are feeling Elizabeth, hopefully it helps. I also hope you are able to find more help right where you are too!

Hugs to you from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth,

Just dropping by to say hello and hoping you and your husband are okay!

Cheers from Dools

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Dools & Pamela, I really appreciate your kind words. Yesterday was really busy & tiring so I didn't have the energy to answer. My grandson was well behaved but wanted to play tag at the park. Unfortunately my running is poor at best & when tired like yesterday I am really slow so ended up exhausted trying to catch him. I had to give up.

My husband is still in hospital. He looked a bit better today but they are still trying to find out what is wrong. He is still in a lot of pain.

I'm feeling quite alone. I is like everyone is concerned re my husband but if they ask how I am it is just in passing not like they care. I still feel lazy & unmotivated.