Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[PamelaR]

Hello Elizabeth

Actually, I think Croix is right - you're probably feeling flat and drained from the weekend away with your son and DIL.

Not sure about you, it takes me days to get over intensive social contact (e.g. Easter weekend with all the family). Wow, I'd be wiped out for a week.

Hope your husband gets better soon.

Be kind to yourself Elizabeth.

PamelaR

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix & Pamela, I didn't expect to feel down after Easter. Mot of the time it was pleasant. My oldest son's DIL assigned meals so I only had to cook one meal apart from breakfasts & it was nice having time with the extended family so it wasn't like I had a huge amount to do. It did take a lot of time airing everything out & packing everything away. Yesterday I visited my daughter & looked after her kids while she had an appointment. I enjoyed spending time with my grandkids but was tired as had to get up early to get there on time.

I have felt tired today but need to work in the garden. I need it tidied by next week for my husband's birthday party. I am unsure if I should push myself to get more done so I'm not stressed at the last minute or if I need to rest & recover particularly if I'm coming down with a cold or something.

The negative thoughts about my son & DIL make sense but I can't do much about it. The negative thoughts re my sister's visit is an issue. I am worried I will make everything worse by my thoughts & the thoughts affecting how I act. Low self esteem is making me feel like she won't want to see me so I'm cutting myself off to avoid being hurt. I've already said she can stay with my brother rather than me I want to disappear I need to finish as I'm getting too focused on the negatives

[PamelaR]

Hello lovely Elizabeth

Aren't we so difficult on ourselves, especially when we think our thoughts will make things worse of affect how we act.

Elizabeth, you're not alone in how you feel or what you think. You are wonderful and all I can say is be 'kind to yourself'. Give yourself a few 'browny points'. From everything I've read that you post, you absolutely deserve it. You are like me, I am so critical of myself, what I do, how I do it, when I do it. etc.

Be kind to yourself. I think you're awesome Elizabeth. I really do.

PamelaR

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Pamela for those kind words. You have a lovely way of expressing yourself. I can't talk much at the moment. I 'm exhausted & that is unlikely to change until my husband improves or gets bad enough to have him admitted into hospital. We saw the GP yesterday & was told to just monitor him & come back if he gets worse. I find it hard to know at what point to take him. So often we go & there is nothing they can do but there have been a couple of times he has almost died after arriving in hospital even though I was unsure if he was sick enough to go. Last night I was kept awake most of the night by his coughing. I can't sleep in another room in case he starts to choke & suffocate which can happen to him.

[PamelaR]

Good morning Elizabeth.

Your hubby illness must be very distressing. Sleep would help you if you can get some - maybe try to catch some during the day if you can. It sounds a little difficult at the moment.

Thinking of you. Also, thank you for your kind words to me.

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth,

Just want to let you know I am thinking of yo and your husband. Sorry to read you are doing it tough right now and you feel so tired. I understand that!

For a change I am short on words today, but not on sentiment. I do hope you find ways to deal with the tiredness and I hope you are able to decide what is best for your husband with his health issues.

Wishing you a "good" weekend, doing only what you are able to do and feeling like that is enough. Words from my psychologist this week!

Cheers to you from Dools

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Dools & Pamela, Currently waiting to find out if my husband is staying in hospital. I dropped him off in Emergency this morning as his condition had deteriorated further. I am babysitting my grandson so couldn't stay with him. At least if he stays in I might get some sleep tonight. I can't believe how quickly he deteriorated.

[PamelaR]

Hello Elizabeth

Sitting with you and your grandson, holding your hand. How painful for you. Sending you all the energy and love I have to help you through this time. So difficult I know.

Let's hope you get a good night sleep. Send an update when you can. Will keep an eye out.

Love and hugs

Pammy

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth,

Thinking of you and your husband! Do you have people there who can support you right now if you need to talk with someone?

Please take care of yourself, I'm really sorry to read of your predicament.

Hugs from Dools

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you Dools & Pamela, 

I went in to see my husband after my grandson was picked up. They haven't found out what is wrong Chest X rays are clear but his breathing is still poor & they are worried about his condition worsening because he is so exhausted. They are unsure how long he will be in hospital for. I've texted my children living in Australia & they have each rung me to find out more. I haven't told the two living overseas as they can't see him anyway. I'm having a slack night tonight as I'm tired. I feel as though I've achieved nothing this week. I had hoped to get my garden cleared up a bit as it looks a mess but I've done very little.  Next weekend I'd planned a birthday party for my husband & invited all the extended family on both sides so I wanted the garden looking reasonable as there isn't enough room to fit inside. Now I don't know what will happen. I had enough on my plate before with my son & his family moving & all their issues & then my other DIL recently started work so she can't take time off & her parents have gone away so she needs help babysitting her older son during the school holidays.  There were other things I need to do but now I feel like I can't think what needs doing. I don't want to ring anyone else because they will think I'm asking for help & I'll feel stupid for not coping better. I don't like people helping because they feel obligated. I don't need help while he's in hospital anyway.