Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Pamela,

The Easter camp is a really important event in our extended family. As a young child migrant I really missed my relatives so remaining close to my family is important as I don't want my children to miss out like I did. It is just a shame that Easter may be marred by my DIL but I'm not prepared to let this stop me going to spend time with my family.

I saw my psych today & discussed the issues. He suggested that I talk to the family members who have been upset by my DILs behaviour & suggest they speak up if she does anything to upset them eg asking her not to yell at her children or husband. Although she is unlikely to change her behaviour at least others will feel free to express their feelings rather than just getting upset. I'm unsure how it will go but it may be better than the alternative.

The other issue we discussed is their move. My psych is concerned about me putting myself at risk trying to help. He asked me to work out what I could do to help that I am comfortable with without putting myself at risk. The idea was to plan ahead so I don't get pressured into doing too much or doing something which is too hard. I am unsure what to do. If anyone has suggestions I would welcome them.

[blondguy]

Hi Elizabeth

I understand that everyone has a different situation as well as a different psychologist too.

My psychologist (and GP) keep letting me know that I come first (just the same as you with your Easter camp being important to you)

Just my humble opinion if thats okay....Your peace of mind is paramount. Sure there are difficulties with your DIL but you seem to really want to go in your heart.

Its taken me 35 years (unfortunately) but I come first when I have to make a decision similar to yours Elizabeth

My kind thoughts

Paul

[PamelaR]

Wow Elizabeth, I think Paul has nailed it.

It's about YOU! You are important and sometimes others have to take a back seat. From my perspective - you are not responsible for your DIL behaviour or your son's behaviour.

Let life be about you! Let the others worry about themselves. TBH, you're not responsible for them. They are old enough to take responsibility for themselves. Maybe you need to give yourself some kindness. Hope this isn't too hardish.

[Elizabeth CP]

The Easter camp is too important to miss. I have grandchildren looking forward to seeing me & I can't let them down. I want to spend time exploring with my grandkids It will be fun to see their excitment. I also want to take time to talk to extended family members & perhaps play some games as I don't often get the chance now my husband is blind.

The main issues I have are

1 My DIL I find her difficult to be around I need to take the time to do things away from her (without being too obvious) Taking the grandkids into the bush is probably a good way to escape.

2

[Elizabeth CP]

Sorry I somehow posted half way through

My second issue for Easter is ensuring I get enough rest & time for myself so I don't return home exhausted. I have a habit of trying to fit in with everyone & joining in with what others are doing. While this can be fun I often push myself too far & do too much. This wasn't such a problem when my husband was able to help with everything but now I too often return home exhausted & then struggle to put everything away & cleaning everything after returning home. Maybe I should set myself some time each day to sit in the car or somewhere away from everyone & read or something to have a break.

If anyone else has suggestions I welcome them.

A bigger issue for me is what to do when my son moves. I don't feel I will cope with spending too much time with my DIL. I feel my son will need help but don't know how to manage that without injuring my back trying to help lift. If I don't help & he ends up really unwell due to the stress I will feel guilty

[PamelaR]

Hello Elizabeth

Sorry it's taken so long for me to respond to your last couple of posts. Easter has been busy for me.

How is your Easter camping and your DIL? Half expecting you're not on internet atm and you'll respond when you return.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth and All,

I've not been around for a few days. Hope the Easter camp is/has been very successful Elizabeth.

I sometimes wonder why people are afraid to speak up and tell someone that their behaviour is not acceptable. I know I wish I had the guts to do that at a few family gatherings!

Regarding helping your son and family with their move, I know it is really difficult when you want to do things but you just can't physically do it. Have you been able to chat with your son about how you feel? Does he have some mates who could help out?

Sometimes it is hard to ask! People are willing to help though usually.

Hope it all goes well.

Hope everyone reading this is doing okay, or at least as well as they can right this moment!

Cheers all from Dools

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you Dools & Pam, We got back tonight. Tomorrow will be busy washing & drying & putting away stuff. Too tired tonight!!! It rained last night so the tent was soaked so needs airing before packing it away properly.

My son was in a good mood most of the time & my DIL was OK although yesterday & today she started becoming very load telling off the kids & really grumpy. I was very annoyed to find out she went into more debt to buy more unnecessary things but then complains about being really short of money (Can't afford food or rent!!!) I try to tell my son to put his foot down to stop her spending but he doesn't have the strength to stop her.

I enjoyed time with my daughter & her kids particularly. I wish she lived closer so we could visit more easily.

Today I have been feeling down with no good reason. My sister is visiting in a couple of months. She lives overseas so I haven't seen her for over 10 years but I'm feeling negative about it thinking she won't want to see me & remembering every negative thing which has happened. It is as if I'm preparing for the worst so i can't be disappointed. I am worried about her husband & her son who are both hard to handle

I need to go as I'm exhausted.

[Elizabeth CP]

Sorry my last post was a bit negative. I am still feeling a bit flat & unmotivated with no good reason. I am worried about my son & his wife & them moving. My attempts to encourage them to change their spending habits has failed. They seem to rely on others to help pay essential bills & buy food etc while they spend money on non essentials. My husband has become unwell today which worries me. Even though it is only a cold it makes it hard to manage his other health problems. I am feeling tired which is not helping me cope with my negative thoughts.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

I would imagine the build up to, then the time with your son and DIL would have been very emotionally exhausting. And now it is over the reaction - combined with straight physical tiredness would have set in . This is all not helped of course by having your suspicions confirmed that they are in their usual prodigal state.

I'm sorry to hear your husband is unwell and hope he recovers speedily. Do you have any chance of a rest at the moment?

Croix