Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Guest_1055]

Hi Elizabeth, I was going to suggest a tarp as well to help keep the hot air out. Gee once your kitchen is all fixed up that will be so great. Something new is often refreshing... well I think so. Hope you hubby starts to feel better soon, as good as he can be anyway.

I am not sure what you are up to today , but I hope it is a calming sort of one. The birds are all chirping away here. Nice....And I can smell the bolognaise sauce simmering away on the stove top. Ooh I just heard the frog croak from within the down pipe.

May I suggest to just be quiet in the mind and still and simply notice all the beautiful things around you Elizabeth? Hope you do not mind me saying that?

Smiling at you

shell xx

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Shell, Croix & Carol for your imput. I probably seem to just make excuse for not doing things which are suggested but I appreciate all the suggestions as they give me something to think about to help work out a way forward. Sometimes I need time to think or ponder on ideas before coming up with a solution.

Shell today is much cooler with rain most of the day. I went out and finished a garden bed which I started a couple of weeks ago. I had t stop when it rained but I finished it. The rain will be good for the plants I transplanted. I have had to work hard to just focus on what I did rather than all the other overgrown parts of the garden screaming for attention as well as the lawns. My husband offered to mow. He thought he could manage with one hand if I got the mower out for him. I didn't accept the offer for some reason!!!

I keep thinking about something my psych suggested but need some ideas in putting into practice. He suggested setting up a routine so I have set times for doing things which need doing (including time for myself) When young I lived by a set routine which worked as I interspersed time to study/work & time to do more relaxing things. Being in the habit of doing things made life simpler so I can see the advantage. My problem is that my life over the last few years seems to lurch from one issue to the next making it hard to get into a decent routine. Any ideas would be appreciated.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

I probably seem to just make excuse for not doing things - Oh no, perish the thought:)

I'm pleased you got out in the garden and had the rain, it sounds good. Not looking too hard at jobs that still need doing there is very wise, most gardens are like that.

As for scheduling time for you, your psych is spot-on, and the only way I would think it would work if you AND all your family ruthlessly applied the rules so your own time was not impinged upon or eroded. If an emergency comes up then they and you have to make an alternative time, preferably the same day.

I honestly think it takes your loved ones too, because otherwise firstly - knowing you - you will try to do too much and secondly they need to themselves steer clear of your allotted time. Thirdly they need to encourage you to stick to it when the first strangeness of the arrangement has worn off.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix, I need to work out what is appropriate not family members. Often things which get in the way are things which can't be controlled like illness & injury. I feel like I'have been so tired for so long that it is hard to work out a decent plan.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

I'm popping in to see how you are traveling - anything moving on the oven front?

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix for asking. I have been very busy so haven't been posting much as my brain feels overloaded with decisions & planning etc so even thinking enough to type is just extra pressure.

My son tidied up the bricks which were sticking out. They were left because he was too exhausted to be effective after doing the main demolition. I've since built in the floor & the then the plinth to sit the cupboards on. My husband went away for 2 nights so I put together the carcass of the oven tower & narrow cupboards. Each step seemed to require a bit of thinking & planning eg getting the floor level. Building the tower on my own was interesting. Required ingenuity to lift sections without risking damaging it or injuring myself. In meantime was asked to babysit yesterday afternoon & evening so I had to get things into a state were things were safe. Unfortunately my son was unable to help so My husband assisted & we worked out an unconventional way to attach it. Normal way was going to be too hard if not impossible. Won't try to explain why. Each step forward seemed to unearth another challenge to overcome. I am feeling exhausted as my daughter didn't pick up the kids till after midnight so couldn't go to bed earlier. I've been waking up early feeling pressure to get as much done while I can & then even when I try to have break my mind is running overtime trying to solve the next challenge or working out how to get everything done. This is making it hard to relax. My husband is still not good so he goes in for a procedure to hopefully reduce the pain he is in which has flared up after yesterday helping me attach the oven tower and then babysitting. He will be out of action for a few days while he recovers. Tomorrow I will try to take some time to relax & recover although that might be expecting the impossible. All my life I have had a tendency to push through regardless & deal with the consequences later. Unfortunately I don't recover so well now. It has been hot this week & knowing summer is almost here is adding to my feeling of pressure. I need to get myself in a better mental state so I can cope with summer. Last summer was fairly mild but this summer is shaping up to be bad.

[Guest_1055]

Hey Elizabeth,

You are so industrious getting stuck in and fixing your kitchen. A good quality, that I desire myself more. I tend to easily get distracted.

So may I ask why you seem to often do task after task? Is it your personality do you think?

Does it keep you distracted from other thoughts or feelings perhaps? Or maybe you feel guilty if you are not working in a physical way or something?

Anyway I know you are busy, so please do not feel pressured to answer me. All cool. Just saying a happy hello to you is all.

Shell xx

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Shell, I wish I could focus & finish things more efficiently. I don't feel very competent so I try to push myself to feel better but then get stuck or do things wrong & feel like a failure or useless. Part is the pressure to finish. Once I started the kitchen I couldn't relax. I need my oven. I need the hole in the ceiling filled & I feel like I can't find things in my kitchen because I had to move things while my son removed the bricks because of the dust & mess but it isn't worth putting things back until it is completed at least to a stage where there is no more mess. While in the middle of a project I struggle to switch off. My mind is on the go non stop trying to work out what to do next or worrying about if I'm doing it right so it triggers self esteem issues. Before I could rely on my husband to help but now I have to manage on my own. My son helps when I need him & when he's free but that is limited at the moment. He's really busy on the weekends & at work midweek.

As a child & teenager I really admired my dad & tried to be more like him. I never felt good enough. I looked at my attempts to do things & saw how pathetic they were compared to dad's. He never criticized me. It was me. I'm now crying because I really miss him. If he was here he would be helping me or probably doing it for me.

I am exhausted. I couldn't sleep last night even though I was tired because my mind was too active. yesterday I went to my son's for a birthday party. (6 of my grandchildren have birthdays withing 6 weeks of each other) I drove a back way through the countryside. It was pretty but half way I noticed the signs giving the name of the place. This triggered memories of Ash Wednesday (The place was badly affected by the fires) & left me feeling really uncomfortable/ anxious. I have never had trouble driving through areas affected by Ash Wednesday & we lived in one of the towns affected for years. I'm worried how I will cope with summer if I'm getting triggered already.

I spoke briefly with my son before his wife joined us making conversation impossible. He is becoming unwell again. He was supposed to meet us on Friday with his kids while my DIL was out but didn't turn up & didn't answer the phone. He was too depressed to function. This worries me because his wife makes things worse. Her constant nagging & overspending drag my son down but I can't speak to him without her coming to check on what we are saying & she takes over all phone calls. Sorry I'm so neg.

[blondguy]

Hey Elizabeth

Im sorry that I have slack and not been on your thread recently

You know my health history as its on public record but I really understand you when it comes to having a problem in my house too. I seem to get really anxious and impatient. It probably the 'leftovers' of many years of anxiety but its still a pain.

The heat also has an effect on me as well. I like it...but I sometimes find it claustrophobic when I breathe....I have no idea how people handle the super high humidity in Darwin.....

you are never negative Elizabeth....a realist...yes.....not negative.

I was 22 when Ash Wednesday happened....that was a bad time. I hope that people clean their gutters out before this hot summer.

Peacefully yours

Paul

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Paul, For me summer triggers PTSD. Until Black Saturday I only became extremely anxious when there was a real fire risk or actual fires. After Ash Wednesday I could drive through burnt out areas once the fire danger was over. As a teenager I frequently returned to the block where our house had stood before being burnt. I was only triggered by real risk of fires or news reports etc of actual fires. This brought back memories of the fire & I could imagine the distress of those affected vividly. After Black Saturday I became highly anxious. I had to leave home several times to feel safe & became less able to act rationally when triggered. A couple of months later I moved OS for a year returning the following Autumn after any fire danger was past. While OS I was free of the anxiety & assumed I'd be fine coming back in Autumn. I found the sight of burnt trees triggered a bad reaction which had never occurred before. I can't visit areas affected by Black Saturday without getting upset. After working with my psych I thought I was improving & had worked out strategies to cope so this recent experience is concerning.