Everything is so hard

[Karen71]

I was am a student tafe.

I put all assignments in.

I completed all work.

i had problems with one assignment whick shook me.

Mental health assignment .

I cried itried i tried to tell the teacher it was to close to my own life story.

She dosent like me so shrugged my attempt off.

I failed my test in the last week.

18mnths for nothing.

They dont care that im torn apart.

4 wrong on acute means to bad to sad.

I tried so very hard.pateints loved me.

Teachers not.

My first test was 1 week after abdominal surgery my sevond the same week that i learnt my son was needing a op to save his sight.his 8.with aspergus.

I tried so veryhard.i studied till 2 am most nights because i couldnt when kids were awake.

All day its tantrums.all night its study.

I have always suffered from depression and ptsd.

I sucked it up took the bull by the horns and did my best.

I alwayfail.idont belong.

It sucks.im tied im defeated.im so alone.

I hate life peole are mean.

No im not in danger im simply done.

Why are people so mean.why do they lie and alienate.why dont i be long.

My teacher simply felt i shouldnt pass.

What is that.

Just because i make a complaint they make my life hell.

My life is already full of stress i didnt need them to add to it.

Im shattered.

Ive creid for 4 weeks now.the skin around my eyes is starting to blister.

Why are eople so cruel.

My son cant play with other children.

He has to stay 1 meter away from all kids at school.

Seriously why dont people realise the pooain they give to others.

Im sohurt.so very sad.

I want to give up but i cabt because of the kids.

Im sostied.i dont likwe this world its mean and nasty.is

[demonblaster]

WOW Steph 😄 thanks for that, made me feel really good hearing that

If I don't blast the demons has to be sooner than later, they'll take me back under the line

Suicide's always an option, but the wrong one, it's giving in letting the demons win. Nah can't.

Late partner & his sister, fought to the last breath for life, friend just recently suddenly.
Also I have a fairly new theory, arguable for sure but maybe if we were created & let's say a God then devil as well made us, would account for Good & Evil so that's helping me too.
Been through attempting suicide several times, HELL, no lower than that. NOT going back there 🙂

I've been working hard on working out how to beat the Black dog, will be posting sometime soon on my thread
"Surviving...being in a better place if you're interested Steph

Thanks again, nice of you to say (Y)

[monkey_magic]

I'll have a read-

I have those " suicidal" feelings, and can go through highs & lows. You just have to get through them. No one or feeling is worth ending life over. I'll do something until the feeling is over.

My mum said " I'd rather live half a life than no life at all" & I tend to agree...

U r more than welcome xx

[demonblaster]

Yip, I don't wanna give in to the demons anymore, they've controlled me all life.
My turn now for happiness, usually happy go lucky type, but that clouds always close by.

God the lows take ya sooooo friggen low aye. I get scared how deeply low you go, petrified of going under the line again. Hell at anytime. Beyond pits on the bad ones.

Good hearing how you handle. Yeah thank god it passes. Catching up on sleep makes untold dif.

Glad to meet you Steph


Kaz, how are ya darl 🙂

[monkey_magic]

Glad to meet you too demonblaster. Its really good having these forums bcas we can relate and support each other:

Karen, A lot of us have been through hardship,darkness,lows, but the secret is to battle through. Today i saw all these homeless ppl. They sleep on the street, dirty, unshowered,exposed to the elements,no money,no belongings,no luxuries, it's not fair. Life isn't fair darling, but we can choose to be tough & make it through. If those homeless ppl can do what they do day after day, night after night, we can too. And some of them can still joke, some of them can still laugh, and some of them still have a glimmer of light in their eyes. All u need is a glimmer of light for it to shine brighter. You can get through this darling..

Be angry, scream, kick things,punch it out on a boxing bag, do what u have to do. Express all that pain, rage, anger, disappointment, trauma, express it, get it out, or call for help....you are at your wits end but you still have possibility OK.

Love and hugs. We care because we know the darkness too....and its OK to feel like that, it's part of life....

[demonblaster]

Kaz how ya goin darl haven't seen ya for a bit. Hopefully by now your physically a bit better with the pneumonia.

Mental state? Bit of light coming through?

Trust me when you get a few days quality sleep, it'll make the world of dif.

I'm ratwhoop atm too but we HAVE to take the wrong option outta the equation don't we, it WILL hurt tooo many people, your kids don't just need you now, they're always gunna need their loving Mum.

Have a hard think darl & work on your good points, start believing in yourself.

It's these times we have to push harder to get through.

I've nearly finished the card for friends Mum. Happy about that at least.

Think I need to get untold more sleep to hack. Pfffttttt atm but that's cause I'm allowing it to be like this, need to work on why which a couple of reasons I know of and go from there.

Keep going girl

[monkey_magic]

And Karen this is how I feel- I'm vulnerable & walk around with emotional stress. I haven't had any physical comfort for weeks. I feel sad. I have tears falling.

Everyone is going through something. I'm just hanging in there....

But I have a strong will to live u can too.

Karen I crashed my car, so have no car, was bullied and harassed at work forced to leave, my mum doesn't make my life easy at home & I'm grieving....but I'm hanging in there....

U can too.

[monkey_magic]

Karen, I didn't leave the house some days either...but then I did..it's the biggest step....and u feel a little better

[monkey_magic]

When u look around u , ull see that most ppl have probs & issues...u might even find someone to talk too.

Take care friend. You are now our friend here at beyond blue.

[Guest_5809]

I don't think it's fair to compare peoples lives or feelings. That's not putting it into perspective it's creating guilt for the feelings we have when we are down and out. Yes there are others doing it really hard at there. When your in the moment of feeling that down thinking of " oh there is worse off than me" just doesn't come into your mind. Instead our minds are preoccupied with self survival.

when your thoughts are continually " I no longer care about myself. I am out for the count. I have decided that I’m a waste of space. I see things not like others do. I feel not what others feel. I care not for things that others care about. I am truly broken." Then we don't need our thoughts trivialised by people telling us to think of the homeless.

I feel karen's pain very personally. It's like I am looking in a mirror. Big hugs karen

[monkey_magic]

I was feeling pretty neutral when I wrote to Karen & hoping to perhaps share some inspiration, hope, light.

I wasn't comparing situations.

It was an observation I made personally and changed my perspective and figured if it changed mine it could change someone else's. It was a hopeful story.

I understand what u r saying and u've shown me that what I said could make matters not seem at all hopeful.

We all have different views.