Domestic abuse

[monkey_magic]

He started out supportive,courageous,and huge hearted. We became intimate & that's when he's insecurities & past issues overcame him. I was yelled at,owned,controlled. He was jealous & used to scar me with his cutting words. I was hurt, suicidal & confused & genuinely fearful. How could a man that loved me change so rapidly & then change back? I was experiencing different ppl in one! I found him intimidating, aggressive & then homicidal & suicidal.... I needed to run for dear life,especially feeling like I could b killed. Mental illness also surfaced in the time we spent together. I was caught in the firing line. I went back one last time after his yelling demand of me coming to get my bike as it was in his way. I was out the front of his place looking at him through the curtains, he was in a bad way. I felt scared & thought I should leave. I went against my instinct. He opened the door ,I said I've come to get the bike & I'm leaving, it set him off!! I paced backwards towards my car. He was screaming,picked up my bike & threw it, screaming, puffed out his chest & stomped towards me with fists clenched. I wanted to run and go into the car but thought he'd probably smash the window so I stood there shocked staring into his eyes as he stomped towards me. Strangely he got right in my face fists still clenched then raised & started crying. He held onto me & wanted me to come inside with him. I was scared & just wanted to leave but went inside. There, he was consuming alcohol. I also had some & reached for one of his cigarettes but he didn't want me to have one. I had one anyway. It set him off again. He said u don't care & attempted suicide. I called the ambulance. I am glad to say I am no longer with this man. What turned into emotional abuse could have turned physical. I believed if I didn't stare into his eyes with all my strength as he stomped towards me, I might not b here today. There is no excuse for domestic abuse.

[Starwolf]

Hi Steph,

Thank you so much for sharing this terrible experience. Unfortunately, many people find themselves caught up in similar situations.

Kudos to you for leaving this man. He obviously had severe issues and those became yours. I can't tell you how glad I am that you have found the courage to leave such toxic relationship in time. I hope you are feeling proud of yourself.

This was a wise first step towards taking care of yourself. But abuse -may it be emotional, physical or sexual- leaves emotional scars. I once was victim of all 3 types so am well aware of the damage done. So please make sure you are receiving the help and support you so much deserve.

You are right of course...mental illness is no excuse for abuse. It depends on the basic character of the individual. Most sufferers are not violent.

Fingers crossed you never, ever need to use this yourself but this post may be read by those who could. The following is no direct link but is a useful one to copy into your browser :

https://au.reachout.com/what-to-do-if-youre-in-an-abusive-relationship

Thank you again for your willingness to share. Re-living this nightmare to do so takes guts. A much appreciated contribution. You are an inspiration.

Kindest thoughts.

[monkey_magic]

Aww thanku so much starwolf. Yep wasn't easy to share esp since still having shame.I know I shouldn't... Ur reply was incredible & I can c u have a sensitivity to others. Sorry u went through all 3 types,i have also. Its a threatening thing to go through.I wanted to make other woman/men aware that it can b destructive/dangerous not listening to insticts,but I do understand in abusive relationships sometimes u don't feel strong enough or have the self esteem or integrity to leave.I've endured a looott....yeh this man had many issues & lashed out at me a lot.....I had to get away as I lost my well-being. Humans aren't bulletproof. Survival insticts kick in,in these type of situations...I was threatened,harrassed,stalked & preyed on by him sexually as well. U would think id know better than getting involved with someone dangerous, with a criminal history but when we first met he seemed reformed... He was strong,loving,supportive,courageous,& caring....later found out he haf other aspects to his character & suffered small man syndrome( what I'm going to call it) I leave abusive relationships pretty quickly,even if I am stumbling & struggling to breath lol....they r horrible,these abusers...little devils who put the blame on u ......well,we survived star wolf & have more knowledge than the average bear....love how uplifting this forum can b

[Starwolf]

Thank you for your kind words.

The trouble abuse is that it erodes our sense of self-worth and self-confidence. Years of corrosive criticism, being used, blamed and being made to feel we don't matter lead us to believe we must be bad and deserve everything we get. This sets us up for abusive relationships later. Of course, this traumatized over-self is unconsciously built up. However, it can be consciously re-configured, which is what you are working on now.

Yes, shame can stick to us like melting tar but it is just another false impression. Shame belongs with the perpetrator, not the victim. People with narcissistic tendencies enter relationships wearing a mask. They can sniff out a potential victim's vulnerability from miles away. That man never loved you...you don't treat those you love like that, even when you grow apart. So please don't blame yourself. Having gone through what you have, you would be entitled to wear your scars as badges of honour !!!

I consider myself a bit of a Jane-of-all-trades in the PTSD department. I also ended up sole carer of a daughter with acquired brain injury, my father committed suicide, I fought and lost legal battles against a corrupt system etc... I ended up with suicidal tendencies, depression, dissociative disorder and anxiety. But I am here to let you know today that those labels have been peeled off. I won't lie...it took a lot of persistent work. It hasn't been an even, straight road. But it can be done.

You are right, work on retrieving the real self from under the emotional rubble comes with the gift of extra insight and compassion. The combination of personal Life experiences can result in something only you can express and use for the benefit of others. From this participation, self-awareness and self-regard can grow.

Your feet are already set firmly on the path to recovery. While suffering yourself, you are also willing to support those who are struggling with issues you are familiar with. You have a lot going for you. A lot more than you were made to think.

You deserve so much better than self-harm...

[monkey_magic]

Thankyou so much for your intellegent & knowledgeable post. I want to talk more but for now I'll talk about the corrupt legal system. I honestly thought truth prevails.I don't get it. I don't understand how corruption wins. U go in there u tell the truth u deserve to b compensated in some way & u deserve justice but corruption wins....how?? Why??? I really don't understand. The truth should b stronger. The heart should matter, but somehow, it doesn't to this shallow corruption. Sorry u didn't win...the truth should win

[Starwolf]

No I didn't win. More exactly, my daughter didn't win as I was acting on her behalf. After a severe blow to the head on the playground, feeling dizzy and vomiting (all telltale signs of brain injury), she was sent to sick bay and written off at being asleep (at 9.30 in the morning !) until lunch time. In reality she was unconscious, bleeding from a ruptured blood vessel. The first thing her medical team wanted to know was why it took so long for her to reach the hospital. Time being of the essence, much damage could have been prevented.

Why does this happen ? Because money, companies or orgs interests prevail. So cover-up and corruption come into play etc...Not all the time, but often enough to be a major concern. I was only a nobody trying to take on a government department.

Anyway, like many other things, it's in the past. That chapter has been closed. I've learned a few things because of it too. There's always a seed of good within evil.

Let's hang on to that thought 🙂

[monkey_magic]

No words ,except sorry this has happened to you and your family....& still,u offer so much support to others. U r incredible!!!

[Starwolf]

Thank you for caring, Steph.

Helping those in need helps me too. It makes positive use of a negative past. It helps make sense of otherwise pointless trauma. A win win situation...

[monkey_magic]

I feel shaken up. Made a call to the DV line after having a long conversation with the guy I used to see. I still feel hurt even after all this time. He said he was sorry from the bottom of his heart for how he treated me. I feel like he's conning me like the sick puppy he was. He isn't consistent & has different sides...pretty sure he's a sociopath. I really should give him a wide birth. U can't make up for abuse. All the I love yous,I've changed. Pretty sure I should just think oink oink & move on.....my heart actually loves who I thought he was & the good things he taught me....I need to find it in me to move past this...

[monkey_magic]

I'm hurt,I'm betrayed & now he wants to win me over again to prob then wanting to despose of me again like I'm garbage....I'm confused....my wounds feel raw today...