Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

[Guest_1584]

Hi BB.

l feel like this is another dumb question from rx , but ah well.ln times of uncertainties we might ask some of those right.

We sep' and divorced 5yrs ago , threw life into a spin. Together 19yrs before. l've stayed in the area to be close to my d, 16now, and finally got another house of my own 15mths ago.

l was with someone new nearly 2yrs but it hasn't worked out unfortunately but being long distance 70% of the time, there was lots of days and nights spent at home in our little private bubble world of messaging and skyping .

So now that we've split, l still haven't built any sort of a new life really. Got this hosue because loved the spot and the house itslef and great views and it's only 20mins form my d's town. lhoped l'd like it here , maybe even make a new life. But ldon't really fit in this town and so it's beena lot more time at home, l work at home too.

Nit sure if l'll stay here , but l do love the house and spot and views and in spare time can easily just hang out around the house days on end , basically alone, bt l dunno, it's just and old renovator but just really comfy to hang out in, live.

If l'm working l always try to get out most days, pick up spares or spin over to one of the other towns for a change of scenery , or some lunch, whatever.Or locally up to the shops even , groceries whatever , anything just to get out for awhile.

lately l've sort of developed a bit of a pattern in spare time. love hanging out around the house a day , 2 or 3, but then l make myslef go see some, a drink with my brother, or another mate l know, or up to the main town , see my daughter some days, or beach , go for a hike, or something. No pubbing or night life.

Same with wkends, l try to get out somewhere one day, hang out at home the other.

But that's pretty well life has been since split with gf. Mostly alone , andl enjoy lately just hanging out around this house , maybe way way too much , not sure. music or some reno's or movies , internet. It's just big and roomy and airy , views , and comfy. l often get claustrophobic but never in this house,

Do you think what l'm doing atm is ok , l really worry l'm alone too much or taht l'll slip into hermitizing too much, l dunno.

Any thoughts welcome.

rx.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks very much for the thoughts .

That's great geof that your happily settled where you are , damn nice to hear mate, good for you. How far away are your grand kids now?

And thanks for that Elizabeth , hope things work out for her os. That would've been a tough one to decide that's for sure.

But l get her sitch and things not happening for her at home and that feeling . Tough call.

But nah my sitch isn't about what other people think , l couldn't care less what anyone in my life thinks , only my daughter of course. She's only 16 so l still wanna be handy enough to be there and with her whenever we can of course. But this year she'll be 17, so maybe l can move further away now, thinking !

But no l'm not asking what anyone l know might think of whatever l'm doing , what lm asking is , let me put it this way.

does it pay in life to push ourselves , do we push oursleves, or should we just let life happen .?

what l'm wondering is how other poeple have found this stuff in their life or with someone they know , like liz's daughter, great example thanks again for that Elizabeth . l've actually been in that sitch myself and known others too.

l use to think that in life pushing ourselves to get out there or do something , often isn't the right thing for oursleves.

or like the saying , if it's meant to happen it will. Though l dunno if l believe that one really.

some things we gotta make happen, like work and finances or getting ahead.

but maybe other things should be left to just happen , life things, like friends, partners life in general , just do whatever we feel maybe , don't try to force it, life, l dunno.

[Elizabeth CP]

I think there is a time for pushing ourselves & times when it is better to let things go. Sometimes when trying to decide I will write a list with one side the pros & the other the negatives. This helps to give clarity. Also on the negative side what could I do to change this into a positive.

When I still can't decide after weighing everything up I will shelve the issue for a while. No point in pushing yourself to do something when you really aren't sure. On the other hand if you keep getting repeated feelings or thoughts about doing something then it is time to act. Years ago I kept getting the thought that I needed to go back to work. I had cared for my mum for 12 years as well as my children but she was in a nursing home after her needs became too high & my kids were in high school. I dreaded going back to my previous career. I needed to make a decision what to do so started investigating options. At the time it was scary going back to study at 50 & hoping to launch into a new career but I pushed myself & I am glad I did but I did wait until I found something I felt was right for me.

Based on my experience confused thoughts or feelings are a sign that you don't have the right time or answer yet so wait. On the other hand if somethings keeps telling you to do something even if it feels scary then that is the time to push through the doubts. As my psych reminds me life doesn't come with iron clad guarantees so we need to make the best guess at the time. If things don't work out pick yourself up dust yourself off & tell yourself Í'm human'That was a learning experience not the end of the world.

[Guest_1584]

That was a great post , nicely explained and thanks for that. l can see exactly what you mean and the differences .

We all need a reminder sometimes l guess don't we eh.

And funny but it also hit a couple of really big things going on for me right now , right on the head, or is that the nail on the head, well you know.

Thanks again.

[geoff]

hi Randomx and Elizabeth, some excellent points being made here and I totally agree with what you have been saying.

I'm actually about 21/2 hours away from my grandkids but have to go through the city, however the bed is comfortable to sleep in but the next few days I hurt all over, I do miss seeing them, but it's a decision I had to make.
I still talk with them every week.

I think that pushing ourselves changes as we grow older, when we are young we try different things in life and if that means pushing ourselves then we certainly will, success or failure, but as we get older we learn much more and know the outcomes, because if our kids ask us then we can explain yeh or ney.

Confused thoughts are when we aren't sure, but when we have the confidence in ourselves then it's worth a try. Geoff.

[CMF]

Hi RX,

i think it sound good, the way you are living. You are comfortable in your own space and with your own company. You do get out and about when you wasn't and you sound relaxed. Who says we have to be out doing things all the time? Who puts that pressure on us? I will hint being comfortable and happy being with yourself and in your space is the best. You don't need someone else or anything else to make you happy, because of the this, if/when someone or something comes along you will know if it's right for you because you are not desperately searching for it, hoping for something better, looking for things to complete your life, isn't that a good way to be? So many people out there looking for love, hapiness, things to fill the void in their lives but you seem to have all you need to feel content. Sure, this may change in the future but for now it sounds good so enjoy.

[Guest_1584]

Gday Geoff and thanks for the thoughts.

When l think about it we use to get taken over to my grand parents place, loved it too. Maybe you can pass the buck onto your kids.

Hi CM , thanks for the thoughts very appreciated.

l guess l could say l'm as content as l could be with what l have to work with but def' not deliriously happy that's for sure. But , how many are l guess that stuff never seems to last long in life does it.

But l hear what your saying and appreciate what you mean and yeah l agree . See so many people , chasing their tales l call it in my head haha and true , don't wanna fall into that trap .

My gf had an amazing peace with all this exact type of thing. 49yrs old and she's only just moved to sanfrancsco , doesn't know a soul in the whole state, even her parents are in another country. She is a loner if not with a partner , much like me but she was even more so and she's under 5ft tall. l keep thinking of her now , this tiny little person , totally alone now all the way over there. But strangely she was very at peace about it.

[Guest_1584]

ls it unhealthy or weird or hermitting to just say to hell with it and stay home all wkend on your own, not see a soul, when you've been quite content and just can't be bothered doing anything else ?

[Guest_1584]

l suppose that sounds like a silly post.

Thing is , l spend so much time on my own. No one drops in , l work at home alone, l'm also alone most wk nights wk in wk out, spent 99% of my Christmas beak alone.

l dunno , it couldn't be a healthy way to live, that's why l push myself to do things l talked about up there . And obviously l do love seeing my daughter when l can cacth her but it or a few drinks with the brother or the mate but still, l'm alone most of the time.

So if l add staying home all weekend as well and not seeing one soul , l dunno , my head keeps spinning and asking what will become of me if l allow too much of that on top of all the other time through the week l'm alone.

l've also realized , not that l'm really a chat to the neighbours type anyway unless l particularly get along with someone , but l don't think any of them like me except the old lady cross the road but l'm pretty sure her husband avoids me, same with all the others.

l've spent so much time alone over this last 5 yrs since my divorce, yeah l was seeing someone for 2yrs but because it was long distance most of the time, that was mainly in our own little private bubble over skype and messaging non stop , all day all night , all wkends too , which was fun like you wouldn't believe but it still leave me alone seems as we split up and l didn't hardly see anyone in those 2yrs except my daughter sooo, here l am again.

l honestly don't know whether to just except things like this for now and roll with it, hoping something turns up along the way or life takes still some kind of shape , or if l should be out there giving it a nudge.

[blondguy]

Hey RX

Always a bonus to read your posts. I am a lot you are. I asked my GP if there was anything wrong with me as I have spent most of the last 20 years on my own. At the time I was 36 and my female GP just answered...."are you happy on your own"? I replied...."yes..I think"

My GP then answered my question by saying "if you have a reasonable level of contentment then you will be okay" She was right. Besides a couple a relationships I feel okay about being on my own...even though it wont be forever...depending if a girl came along and really wanted me for what I stand for

I hope that made some sense RX.

Cruise and you cant lose....(roll with it) 🙂 Please excuse me for daggy old saying but it works

Your daughter has a great dad RX

You Rock

Paul

[Guest_1584]

Eh Paul/

Thanks very much for tthat mate always great to heaer from you too or see you about.

Haha cruise and ya can't lose , l like it, nothin daggy about that one mate l'm adding it to my list haha, and when l get you up here for a drink one of these days you'll see it right there on my board with all my other favorites , like , " an italian chick is more dangerous than a shotgun" , for example. Ooops, that one's gonna get me in trouble. No no l've gotta add that that was my running joke for my italian gf and meant in the nicest most affectionate stirring est way possible and l wouldn't have had her any other way. She'd call herself my little Ferrari .

Anyway , so your content , that's great mate , that's what matters. l think it's what scares me a bit to because l can be so content too at this place and if l'm not careful l'd just exist right here in my bubble. l dunno why but l feel like l have to fight that off.

And thanks for the cool daughter comment to btw. Haha if l can catch her these days that would be, Between year 11, the bf , and the friends , she's one booked out lady lately. But , she's gotta do her thing right and it leaves me time to do mine now to l guess.

Take care mate.

rx