DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[startingnew]

HI Mrs D

your garden sounds loveley. I love roses. They are one of my favourites. Do you have an assortment of colours too?

Oh ouchy! Pain is horrid esp with mh issues. Its amazing how positive you stay ( everyone is entitled to those dreadful days) and how resilient you are. I really hope the pain clinic helps im sure you wouldve already tried all the suggestions i had in mind.

do you find when in pain your depression comes around more?

Does gardening help you maintain your internal balance?

Tams- i just read your post to MrsD and its good! Thank you for explaining what helps you too. Im sure its helping our readers as well. I like the idea of actually thinking about why i am feeling the way i am instead of shoving it all away.

Chloe- glad tutoring went ok for you. Plan something nice for yourself this arvo

[Chloe_M]

Hi Starts 🙂

Aaand I'm back on the dreaded laptop so no emojis from me 😞

I love roses too- yellow and orange ones make me sad they bring back memories :'(

My depression isn't worse when in pain; the pain helps keep my focus off the depression which is why sometimes I self harm.

Unfortunately nothing nice this arvo (except for helping here of course) first day back and I've somehow wound up with English homework 😞

*sigh* well I guess we can't be on holidays all the time can we?

x Chloe

[startingnew]

hi Chloe

urgh i know- no emojis for me either!

please try not to sh, if you need help you can come on here or call a helpline or talk to your family/friends ok. you dont have to do it on your own. i have faith youll beat the balck dog and that feral cat.

bugger about the homework but thats part of school- wait till you hit yr 11 and 12! seesh had more homework then the work i was doing at school lol. anyways try to relax and doing something nice, give your brain a rest and have some 'you time'

take care!

[Chloe_M]

Unfortunately most my friends are on that hike, am home alone so no fam for me to talk to, and I don't really feel like talking to anyone, typing is easier so I'll stick around before getting stuck into that homework.

Yeah not looking forward to year 11 and 12... and i'm struggling with year 9 *grimacing emoji* HELP ME haha hopefully I'll pass.

I put some music on because my mum's not here to complain about pop music haha, will maybe do some German and mindfulness soon...

thanks for the responses 🙂

Chloe xox

[startingnew]

thats alright. remember the helplines are there via chat too if need be.

haha well make the most of that time alone and dance around and do whatever 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi Chloe, Startingnew and all reading,

Hope school was okay for you today Chloe! Also hope you were able to have some control over your anxiety.

I had been invited to join some older ladies from Church for lunch today in a local café. At one stage I wasn't sure if I was going to attend or not, but did go in the end and quite enjoyed it. The lady opposite me engaged me in conversation which was lovely as at some moments I felt like running out of the door due to my anxiety issues!

If I had done that I would have missed out on a slice of very nice lemon tart! As we were all leaving, a couple of the dear ladies told me they hope I join in more of their social functions. That was very nice of them.

Tomorrow I begin attending a pain clinic. It is going to take me over an hour to drive there, down the highway and through the outskirts of the city. As I am in that area, I am going to catch up with a girlfriend as well.

Then it will be home to start the next lot of my study. I wonder what this subject will be!

Managed a walk this morning but have not spent any time in the garden.

Cheers all from Dools

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

Dools, it's been so long since I've popped in here to say hello. Sorry to hear about your back. Aging is painful hey?

I love your analogy of the garden with the mind. So right, many of us care so much for the garden, why not care for our minds in the same way. Pulling out the weeds, e.g. getting rid of all the negatives, those things that don't add to the beauty of our world. So good. You are always such a mine of information. Do love reading your posts. Such positivity, even when you're not at your best. Wow!!

Thanks for being you Dools.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Doolhof]

Hi PamelaR,

Thanks for your kind words! Being me is all I can be! Ha. Ha. My Mum was disappointed I was born a girl, hey, not my fault right! My husband thought that because I am female I would be a fantastic cook...where did that come from? Another Ha. Ha.

The old back is a little bit worse for wear thanks to arthritis, working in aged care for a decade and a couple of car accidents. As long as I pace myself I am usually okay.

Yesterday I wanted to do more gardening, so left it until late in the afternoon so I only did an hour or so. I actually stopped before I experienced too much pain which is something I need to do more often. I can be a stubborn person sometimes!

Instead of looking at what still needed to be done in the garden, I had a look around and appreciated the changes I have made already by cutting down the dead stuff.

Once again like our mental health, removing what doesn't work, what stops us from growing and flourishing helps us to move on in life.

Accepting a little work needs to be done to achieve something is so beneficial. If I just stood out in the garden and did nothing, that would be okay to a certain extent. Having done the work I can now appreciate the change it has made.

Tomorrow I attend the first session of the pain clinic so I am curious to see what it is all about!

Cheers from Dools

[demonblaster]

Dear Doolsy and all hiyaz ☺

20yrs trying to get into a pain clinic geesh hope it goes well Doolsy. Back and nerve pains wicked

Your analogy of weedings great haha good on you

Hey thanks tweety you're pretty special too you know 🌹

Doolsy that was good you pulled up gardening before your back hurt

Don't like your ticker business at all poor lady

Ok be gentle with yourselves good people 💗

[Chloe_M]

Hi Dools and everyone else,

sadly anxiety was worse than yesterday, was even pulling my hair out strand by strand which I haven't done for about a week 😞 I only do it when I'm really anxious/depressed 😞 I don't know why I do it thought. Have asked on other threads but is it a form of self harm? Or is it some other MI altogether?

Have peaceful sleeps everyone

Chloe