DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky,

Thanks for your kind words and for sharing your own experiences. It is interesting to know that for some people, writing down what is bothering them can be beneficial or cause more harm and upset.

Generally I do find a release when I write down my issues. I sometimes keep going until I can't find anything else to write. I don't re-read what I have written. There are often tears, anger, frustration, emotional distress and a sense of exhaustion.

For me there can also be a sense of letting go. I try to end by thinking of things to be thankful for in life. Some days this process works better than other days.

Some days I have no idea why I feel depressed. I just do.

Thankfully work was busy yesterday without being crazy. I am hoping for the same today. I have been asked to work extra days this coming week as well.

My work can be lonely. I work by myself. I have very brief contacts with people all day but feel no connection. I have lunch by myself. Due to Covid I am restricted as to where I can sit and with whom during my break. I work alone on weekends so have no work colleagues.

I take photos in my garden and when walking on my phone and look at them during my break. I can go for a short walk if the weather is okay.

There are lots of things to be thankful for. I know that. Just feeling very lonely. I am usually the one to reach out to friends and to organise things. I haven't done that this year. My friends in my area have not contacted me. The longer I don't hear from them, the less likely I feel I will contact them.

Time for a walk before work.

Hope you are doing okay Quirky. Cheers from Dools

[startingnew]

Sending love Mrs D

i hope todays abit better for you

xoxo

[Doolhof]

Hi SN,

Thanks. Been for a walk this morning to watch the sunrise, that was lovely.

I'm going to do a little gardening before it gets too hot and will go tot he craft group thismorning as well.

Haven't been on the forums much, not feeling all that connected.

Hope you are managing okay!

Cheers from Dools

[startingnew]

Hope your ok Mrs D xox

[Doolhof]

Hi Startingnew,

It is lovely of you to drop by. I am sorry to read on another thread that you are struggling yourself, Hope you are finding some solutions or things that help you get through each day.

We are currently in quarantine, so can not leave the house for 2 weeks apart from being Covid tested 3 times. Our last test is on the weekend. If we are clear then we can return to work as we are both essential workers.

I'm trying really hard to get through this. Some people have agoraphobia, for me, I don't like being inside! Thankfully we have a garden I can walk in and a porch that is usually protected from the wind and large enough for a bench seat. I have been sitting out there a lot.

Each morning I think of things I can do to fill my day. It is had when depression slows us down and makes it difficult to do even pleasurable activities that we know would help.

I'm struggling, but also managing to do reasonably well!

Thinking of you and thanks again for dropping by! Cheer from Dools

[demonblaster]

Hi dear Doolsy and everyone ☺

I haven't been posting much lately but just want you to know I hold you in very high esteem dear lady and often wonder how you're getting on.

You may not realise but you've taught me a great deal over the time I've been here and particularly about looking for things to be grateful about. As dear Grandy mentioned in yourself and around you it's there but so true that depression takes our pleasure away.

I find it helpful knowing it's temporary. Yes the mutt returns but the breaks really help.

You're an incredibly brave resilient strong lady who SO many people look up to...I hear it in how they are with you.

It's truly a pleasure knowing you 🤗

I wish you every success in your journey and love hearing that you're managing through this.

I've in the past had that horrid disassociated feeling it leaves an emptiness doesn't it. For me it passed which I hope for you too.

Do you still do your scrap books with positives like thoughts piccys memories etc.

Much love Doolsy. Leaving you a gorgeous Petunia...the colour changes every hour.

🕊💗🌞

[Doolhof]

Hi DB,

How very kind and thoughtful of you to drop in. I greatly appreciate your kind words. So often I do not see any good in myself.

I have had some really horrid days and I have tried to accept them. I have lists of coping strategies somewhere! I need to maybe write them up, decorate the page, even have it laminated and placed somewhere handy.

My journaling has not been happening, so maybe I can get back into that.

We are now out of quarantine. I am volunteering and working today and have been asked to work longer hours so at least today my mind will be occupied with work and not my own thoughts I sometimes have trouble controlling.

Yesterday I pushed and encouraged myself. I packed a picnic lunch, grabbed a rain jacket and told myself I was going to drive to a conservation park. Here in S.A. we are no longer in lock down so it is thankfully possible.

I didn't just drive around the block and then head home again as I have done in the past! I went to the conservation park. I saw kangaroos, fungi, tiny little flowers on the ground, wattle in bloom and so many other beautiful aspects of nature.

The tears were flowing and that was okay. I went to a look out to have my lunch. It started to rain and it was windy so I retreated to my car.

I am thankful for the opportunity to be able to go out.

There is a lot I can do to help myself. When you are in that dark place it is so hard to be motivated.

As I slowly recover, I am going to organise that list of things to do.

Hopefully I will learn what did not work so well, accept that and try again.

I'm off to work shortly so this day will be filled.

DB I hope you are doing okay. I've not ventured all that far on the forum lately. Kind regards to you from Dools