Battling the booze

[Kazzl]

When the black dog bites, many of us reach for a drink. It can ease the pain, help us relax, block out what's going on in our minds. If it's just the odd drink now and then, even one or two a night, there's no harm and maybe even welcome relief. But for some of us, many in fact, literally drowning our sorrows becomes a problem in itself. We drink more and more until the booze takes over, and drinking becomes all we want to do. 

That was me for a long time until I finally realised the combination of booze and depression would kill me. If I wanted to live, if I wanted to be able to manage my depression, I had to get sober. I did, nearly five years ago, and it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

If booze is controlling you and you're not controlling it, this thread is for you. If you want to regain control - get sober or moderate your drinking (which for many is harder than quitting) or if you're worried you are drinking too much, join us here.

On this thread I'll talk about my battle with the booze and offer advice and support to anyone who is struggling. I welcome anyone who's been there or is worried they are going there, to join in. And I hope others now living sober will come here to help our friends who are struggling.

One thing this thread is not is a place to discuss how much a drink or two helps you. It's not an anti-alcohol thread, but it's not a general discussion about alcohol either. It's for people who are genuinely worried about it or who want to control it, and it's a place of celebration (without judgment about drinkers) for those of us who are now living sober.

I hope anyone who's battling the booze will join us.

Cheers 😀

Kaz 

[Kazzl]

Hi Corny, thanks for posting here hun. This is an issue around alcoholism that we alcoholics don't often think about, so I'm really glad you have raised it, especially as it's troubling you.

One thing I know for certain, and please take this on board - the only one who enables a drinker's drinking is the drinker. If your friend has a problem, she would drink whether she was with you or not, whether you were drinking or not. Alcoholics in full flight neither need nor seek permission. You are not enabling her, she is.

Another issue though is what to do if you think your friend is developing a serious problem. My suggestion is that you raise it with her, gently, perhaps the next time you see her hungover. See, we often believe no one knows about our problem - we drink alone, hide our booze etc and think we're 'getting away with it'. A quiet word from someone close can make us realise we're not. Someone knows. She might see you as interfering, I did when people raised it with me, but it still sticks in your mind ...

If you do talk to her, be prepared for nothing to change. It can take a long time before someone starts to accept their problem. Sometimes years. But you will have sown a seed ...

One thing I would absolutely caution against is an intervention. They don't work. In most cases the person agrees to change just to end the intervention, but they don't change, because they now have a whole other set of emotions (shock, embarrassment, anger) to deal with.

Corny - only the person drinking can make the decision to stop. You can be supportive, you can choose not to drink when you're with them if they are trying to quit, you can offer to go with them to a doctor or recovery program if that's what they decide to do, but you can't make it happen, anymore than you make them drink.

We are our own responsibility.

I hope that helps hun

Hugs

Kaz

[Cornstarch]

Really Kaz?

Do you really think that's all true?

I feel really powerless with everything today, I call them my despair days.

I have about 10-20 per/year where I don't really speak I just stare at the horizon or ocean and zone out. No-one can really reach me.

Everyone has problems.

I suppose we're all responsible for ourselves at the end of the day.

I guess I can see how easy it would be to go there and I feel bad. Soooooooo easy. Especially when nothing works.

I loved your references for Bipolar by the way.

Unfortunately Joey LeDoux is at band practice and the pills ain't designed for PTSD anyway.

Poor us. Nothing I can do.

You're so strong Kaz to have zero drinks! My god.

[Kazzl]

Hey Corny, you sound really sad hun. I hope I didn't say anything to make it worse. If so, I'm sorry. xx

Yes, I do believe all that, but that's me. Everyone has to make their own way ... As for strong, thank you - but maybe it's easier to be strong when booze has taken you to the pointy end of staying alive or not, as it did for me. Doesn't make me special, just makes me still here. 😊

And I'm not anti-alcohol by the way. I have no problems with other people drinking, I just know I can't.

So, are you OK hun? Here if you want to talk or have a hug.

Kaz

[Cornstarch]

Thanks for checking in on me Kaz, you're very kind.

Just feeling the weight of a lot of responsibility from a very young age today.

Take care xx

[Kazzl]

Thinking of you Corny. Be good to yourself hun.

Kaz

xx

[Moonstruck]

Morning Kaz ...."the pointy end of staying alive or not". I didn't realise you had been in that place too.....that's why I had to give up...it was either stay alive or not.

Just wanted to clear up another point you reminded me of too..I may have come across as anti-grog..but no, not at all. My friends and family enjoy alcohol and I have NO problem with it at all. Being with mates who are drinking cause me no discomfort.....I wish I could join them!!!.....(Just in case I was appearing as a sort of saint who wishes people would get off it.....just would hate to see anyone "at the pointy end" of dying or living, as I was.

I do think you're pretty great too Kaz - these dark days I am going through....gee I wish I could blot some of it out with a drink, I really do. I am always as vulnerable as everyone else who is trying to cut down, or out.....have a good day everyone.....hugs.

[Feels]

I realise this is an old thread, or maybe it isn't, I'm new here.

I wanted to vent about my drinking problem and how I have a problem with admitting I have a problem. I'm guilty after every heavy session of drinking. I don't remember a damn thing. It's the scariest feeling, trying to recall my actions of the night before. The shame and guilt kick in, depression lurks around, anxiety doesn't miss out on the self pity party either.

So why do it to myself again, knowing full well the cycle that follows?

I'm a mum of three and I feel worthless and ashamed of myself, even to the point where I'm sure they'd be better off without me.

Thanks for listening, I've found some of these posts very inspiring.

[geoff]

hi Moon, when we are trying to give up the grog but then go through a bad period it would be so easy to pick up the bottle once again so that we could supposedly forget about these problems or perhaps to numb them, yes that might work for the short term but these concerns are always there until we can find a way out to solve each of them, so you're just putting a bandaid on and you haven't fixed overcoming alcohol nor have you been able to face these issuses, the wind won't just blow them away so they disappear, it's what you have to face and confront each problem so that you can finally sort them out.
You have to remember that you can't keep running , one day it's something that you have confront so that they won't happen again, sure of course they will, but by that time you would have conquered them and gained the strength you need so that you can handle them with confidence.

dear Feels, by the time you have recovered from being intoxicated another day begins and you actually push that memory aside, so that you don't care about not remembering, because the alcohol has a much stronger appeal and don't worry about the next day.
It would be fair to say that you are an alcoholic, that's no different than most of us who have replied to this post, but I don't cast any judgement on you, maybe that's because I too was an alcoholic, so maybe I should call it having an illness, simply because we need to drink for a reason, not for the taste, nor the look of the coloured glass that holds our alcohol in, but a feeling of being relaxed and then numbing any problems away, but don't forget about any decisions we make when we are drunk they would horrify us the next day in disbelief as well as anyone listening.
Once you begin to feel worthless and ashamed of yourself this creates more problems than you either want or expect, you are drinking for a reason, which could be anything, and I wonder if you know why this is, then if you do then that's a starting point.
Appreciate that you have joined a long list of people and really hope that we will hear back from you. Geoff. x

[Kazzl]

Hi Feels, a very big welcome to you. I'm really glad you've joined us here and I hope you'll stay with us.

I understand how you're feeling, I've been in the same place. If you've read through this thread you have probably seen my story. So much of what you say resonates with me, so one thing I can say for certain is you're not alone!

Another thing I can say for certain is that it is possible to beat the booze. It's hard - hardest thing I've ever done - but entirely possible. There's nothing special about us on here, no magic formula or superhuman strength, we're just ordinary people who developed a serious problem and through struggle, determination and commitment managed to get through it.

What would you like to do hun? Do you want to quit drinking? Cut down? Let us know your thoughts, and we'll keep you company and help you along the way.

You don't have to live like this Feels. There are better days ahead and you deserve them!

Very best wishes

Kaz

[Moonstruck]

I want so much to have a drink Kaz. For all these years without it, I've had at back of a cupboard...bottle of that "pretend Baileys Irish Cream"...lovely smooth coffee/hazelnut flavoured.....just a tiny bit in a sherry-glass of milk, like a lovely milkshake would ease my troubled mind...I just know it!!

I am so depressed, so worried, I heard the song You'll never Walk Alone last night, sitting by my computer and put my head in my hands and sobbed......nothing else will ease my sadness....that lovely smooth milky drink will though.