Battling the booze

[Kazzl]

When the black dog bites, many of us reach for a drink. It can ease the pain, help us relax, block out what's going on in our minds. If it's just the odd drink now and then, even one or two a night, there's no harm and maybe even welcome relief. But for some of us, many in fact, literally drowning our sorrows becomes a problem in itself. We drink more and more until the booze takes over, and drinking becomes all we want to do. 

That was me for a long time until I finally realised the combination of booze and depression would kill me. If I wanted to live, if I wanted to be able to manage my depression, I had to get sober. I did, nearly five years ago, and it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

If booze is controlling you and you're not controlling it, this thread is for you. If you want to regain control - get sober or moderate your drinking (which for many is harder than quitting) or if you're worried you are drinking too much, join us here.

On this thread I'll talk about my battle with the booze and offer advice and support to anyone who is struggling. I welcome anyone who's been there or is worried they are going there, to join in. And I hope others now living sober will come here to help our friends who are struggling.

One thing this thread is not is a place to discuss how much a drink or two helps you. It's not an anti-alcohol thread, but it's not a general discussion about alcohol either. It's for people who are genuinely worried about it or who want to control it, and it's a place of celebration (without judgment about drinkers) for those of us who are now living sober.

I hope anyone who's battling the booze will join us.

Cheers 😀

Kaz 

[sinking_mama]

Hi everyone.

Well its been a week now. But ive stayed clear of booze.

Kaz, your advice about taking it one day at a time has made all the difference. Although there were days when i broke it down to one hour at a time.

[Kazzl]

Hi Hailey, well done! That's great. The first week is hard, possibly the hardest, so what a great achievement.

Breaking it down to hour by hour, even minute by minute, is an excellent strategy. There's also the 10-minute rule which helped me a lot. Basically that means when the urge is strong tell yourself you can have a drink if you want to, but not for 10 minutes. In that 10 minutes distract yourself as much as possible - go for a walk, have something to eat, get busy doing something in the house, play a game, whatever distracts your mind. There is a very good chance the urge will pass in that time. If it doesn't, try it again, another 10 minutes. Eventually it will pass, and you will regain your strength and commitment to carry on.

There's also urge surfing, basically a mindfulness technique, where you just sit with feeling for a while. Don't push it away, feel it, analyse it, then let it pass.

Also, when the urge hits, check with yourself whether you're actually hungry, angry, lonely or tired (HALT). We often reach for a drink when we are any of these things. Eat, vent, come online, go to sleep.

You are doing really well hun and thank you for letting us know. I'm so pleased for you.

Here anytime.

Kaz

xx

[geoff]

hi Hailey, every day that you can stay away from the alcohol is certainly a bonus, one week is excellent, but there will be days when you are tempted to pick up the bottle, but this is when your strength will overpower that desire.
Each day you have will be different than the day before, although it might be less stressful and feel as though you should be congratulated, of course you can, but any other means than drinking the grog. Geoff.

[Moonstruck]

Oh Geoff.....I've wanted a drink so much in the past week. The week has been horrible with major traumas happening together that I had to deal with outwardly at least...calmly, straightforward, clear communication etc. and has just about done me in!

Now I seem to have a breathing space I find myself wondering if I could have spared myself a lot of the stress and tension and tears with a few drinks....why can't I? Why can others do this and I can't? Why do I have to weather the storm with nothing to hold onto?

So close...so handy...just sitting there saying "here, for God's sake, take some relief from your pain, you don't have to do this alone"......Which is braver, soldiering on without the crutch.......or admitting you can't deal with these problems, they are too big this time, the pain is too raw this time....I will accept the help waiting for me in the pretty bottle.???

It's been so hard Geoff. would it really have been so terrible if I'd had a few drinks? I need to know.......

[Kazzl]

Hiya Moon hun - what a crap week you've had. And it's lingering too I know.

Think it through though lovely - if you had decided to drink, it might have eased the pain for a while. But not entirely because you would be aware of why you were drinking - and you would have probably had the guilt and worry about drinking again on top of it. So what happens then the next day when the pain returns and the added thing of drinking again hits ... it hits harder. You see one way out, more drinking. And so it goes until the drinking becomes the bigger problem again.

I've seen it many times on another forum for people with alcohol problems. One won't hurt, it might even help. And that might be true if we could just have one. Only you know how likely that is hun, but for me there was never just one. Just one was useless! I needed one bottle, then another, then more until I passed out. What's that saying - one's too many and 10's not enough?

Resist it hun, and when the crap time has passed you will feel so damn proud of yourself that you got through it sober. You can do it. Go back to basics if you need to - 10 minute rule, urge surfing, distract, distract, distract. Treats and more treats.

You can do it my friend.

Kaz

xx

[geoff]

hi Moon, if you were with a group of friends, say at a party and someone
offered you a drink, the temptation would be so high for you to 'have
just one drink', as they say
'it won't hurt you, look at how you are feeling, you feel like crap so
one drink will help you, you know that, so come on and have a sip', the
urge would be so high, 'will I or won't' but you are forgetting about
what one drink will do, it will take you back to square one where the
alcohol will take control of you, so your plight to stop drinking has
again ended.
Unfortunately all our problems will always be with us,
pay bills, don't have enough money to pay for rent or groceries but what
about buying milk, 'I need milk for coffee and hate drinking it without
milk', so these are what will tempt you back to alcohol because then I
won't need milk when I drink.
You have to look at the future, not now
because that's easy, but what will happen to you over the next 10 years
if you continue to drink, because your problems will still be there,
but you might need someone else to control your finances because the
grog has caused you to have a medical condition that will stop you from
functioning, I'm sorry for pointing this out, but that's what my doctor
always told me when I was drinking, everytime I saw him.
The
temptation can always be there, on any day whether it's a celebration
or when you are sad, but to be strong enough to say NO on everytime is then a fantastic achievement.
I think that you are very capable to have this strength, because you have the want to say NO.
It would lovely to hear back from you. Geoff. x

[Moonstruck]

Thanks so much for being there Geoff and Kaz - I didn't have a drink, as you probably knew, or hoped I wouldn't. Just had to have a massive whinge , hope you understand. It's just this bloody Aussie culture of ours....it's so ingrained into every little part of society that we drink!

Alcohol HAS to be there....for Everything! something great has happened...Here have a drink....something sad has happened...Here, you'll feel better after a drink......You are anxious about work or a decision you have to make...Here have a drink and chill out a bit.......have a drink, have a drink,have a drink....it feels Unnatural and labels you a sort of "eccentric weirdo" if you DON'T have one!!

It seems more acceptable to get stupid and tipsy, even falling over and terribly hung over next day.....than to say No Thanks!! Will this Aussie culture of ours ever change?........Thanks again guys...yes I am OK, I have not broken my three and a half year mark!!! I think anyone who manages to beat this thing is a hero!! I just don't think of myself in that way at all though.......thanks again for understanding......

[Kazzl]

I'm proud to be part of the sober sub-culture with you Moon. Here anytime. xx

[Rhes]

Hi Moon, you're a hero to me 😊 As Kaz said (my other hero and Geoff too!) proud to be part of the sober sub culture. You've helped so many on here, myself included, here's some love and support coming at ya!

[Cornstarch]

I feel so guilty.

Nothing works for PTSD flashbacks and it's the kind of thing that could push anyone to the drink re-living horrors.

There is no pill for bad memory's.

I have a fellow suffering friend that I have got smashed with on the odd occasion because I'm sick of feeling like this and I'm sick of all of my responsibilities some days. I feel 107 years old inside.

The only problem is considering everything that I've been through I have a really good hand break and can stop but she doesn't.

I discovered she is doing it heaps, and by herself and now I feel like an enabler because I've joined in.

The worst part is that another part of me doesn't feel bad because for 6 hours out of 365 days, out on the town I got to forget my living hell. And I know I will want to forget again even if it's just 2 or 3 more times this year.

I am an enabler.