Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Doolhof]

Hi DB Grandy and All,

It is good Grandy you are able to do the meditations with your eyes open or shut, what ever you are comfortable with.

I do have a bird book I bought from an Op Shop the pictures are small and I need new glasses! I don't have a good memory for names either! Ha. Ha. I do like watching the birds what ever they are called!

We have had some much needed rain here. I hope to go for a walk this afternoon so will take my rain jacket with me. I would love to find a running creek but not sure where there is one close to us.

Hope you are all keeping as well as you can and manage to adapt once again to changes that are happening.

Cheers to you all from Dools

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Mrs Dools and all..🤗..

Wow it was cold today...had some icy cold sleet falling most of the day...I like to feel it on my face....not my hair though..I have what I call Shirley Temple curly hair...but long...and once moisture gets to it...boiing....out pops my curls to a frizzy ball of fluff..😂...

I went to meditation armed with a blanket and fluffy warm socks to put on..after I take my shoes off....I kept warm..Only 3 people today which included me...The meditation was okay....Trying to be mindful I don’t think I fiddled as much this time...WW worker said she fell asleep through it....😂..

After the meditation finished, the meditation lady ask if we wanted a cuppa tea...I just wanted to go home but S felt like a cuppa so we stayed...and stayed...and stayed... more then an hour....ww supporter can talk to anyone so easily...like she’s known them for years...

Running creeks are soothing to watch and listen to..I hope you manage to find one...and also get out for a refreshing walk in the rain...maybe jump in a few puddles..😂..

Thats okay Deebi..no need to be sorry about tweety cage..I’ve put a nice fluffy blanket over it for now...Was nice this morning...She serenaded me with some nice songs..I have called her Ruby..

Im going to go to bed now..soon after a hot milo..then snuggle up under my nice warm doona with Kya and Ebony...maybe stay there all day tomorrow...it’s only going to be 7 degrees 🥶..tomorrow....

Betty came home this morning and picked Bindi 🐕 up..

Good night everyone..Stay warm and wishing you all a refreshing sleep...

Lotsa love bbff...💜🧸🤗..4 eva...

Sending my care, love and hugs to everyone..🦋💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱...🐄🦆🦢🐥🦉🦅🐞🐛..

[demonblaster]

Heya Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Doolsy ⚘and all ☺

Woe sounds like a cold place Grandz ❄ it is nice having cool on your face but your hair from what you say gets pretty excited 😄 you'd be adorabubble I just know it sweetyheart.

Wow the meditation sounded relaxing 😆 ww falling asleep that's a classic. Nice goin that you weren't as fiddly you dear girl.

Ahh the cuppa went for a while darlin. Good there weren't too many there. I like you being around people lovely it's a change of pace for you.

Water does have a calming presence doesn't it hope you do get to see some Doolsy.

Good with tweety cage Grandy sounds nice having a tune sung for you. Was thinking today about the cover. Nice you want to make one. Take it at your own pace lovey. Pressure makes us wall up eh.

7 degrees tomoz geez Grandy don't blame you thinking to stay in beddy byes. Oh it sounds good with your Doony and furs but where's your blanky love 😄 and how much effort I put into it 😆

Hope your sleeps peaceful darlinheart and you wake up clear happy and ready for a good new day. You're so beautiful Grandy love you to bits dearest friend 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

Take good care precious won't you.

🤝🐄🐩⚘🐕🐶🕊😴💗

[demonblaster]

Hi dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all ☺

Huns just popping in to say goodnight tuck you and the gorgeous furs in and before that make you a nice hot relaxing tea and light some nice calming lavender candles.

Sleep in peace

Beautiful Grandy

Wake refreshed

Happy and calm

Knowing you're loved

Cared so deeply about

And always appreciated

Hope your days beautiful sweet friend.

You matter so much

Nigh nite precious friend 😚🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀👂🤝💗💤⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and all...🤗..

Ive been sitting here now for a couple of hours..I really don’t feel to go out..I’m struggling to do so...

My inmate leaves the WW program today and “S”wants to take her out to lunch today at the bigger town..

There will be inmate, her partner, plus 2 WW supporters...too many people....

I know I will feel bad if I don’t go..Trying to tell my mind it’s alright if I will go..doesn’t help this horrible feeling I have of not wanting to go...

Fighting my anxiety is so hard trying to convince myself that everything will be okay...

I’m feeling trapped..I know I should really go.....but my mind has me trapped today...wish there was a way I could trade it in and get a more co operative brain...

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Beautiful 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 😊

Dear Grandy it's so incredibly powerful isn't [IT]x but never forget sweetyheart so is the part of your brain that really matters and wants you to be ok.

It's so hard feeling like you do and I don't have the people part going on like you do.

I hope you did manage to go lovely for these reasons.

Not letting beasty dictate what you do and don't do.

You win by going the other way. Beasty 0- Grandy 1.

I wouldn't like you feeling bad if you didn't go.

On saying that if you didn't that's ok too because there'll be other occasions you can get out. It's so hard isn't it beautiful 🤗

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way darlin. Is there anything I can do to help?

How bout some deep breathing 🤝 anyones welcome to join.

In through the nose nice and deep hold a bit then release slowly, let the junk out.

Repeat thinking about a beautiful sunny day ...annd let the dark out.

Dear Grandy I do believe it won't be this way all the time because you do so much to get through. You truly are an amazingly strong lady.

Love you so much Grandy Floss. Always your friend sweetyheart.

Oh oh.. Eternity and Destiny sent a gorgeous little meow saying how much they love and appreciate you too ⚘

👀🤝🚜👩‍❤️‍👩💜🚲🤗

[demonblaster]

Hi there beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 😊

I just wanted to see how you're going lovely ☺ I know either way if you went or not it would have been draining.
Hope you slept well and todays beautiful and ⛅ and that you get a chance to have a nice cuppa on the veranda

The 🐄 are so pleased to see you. Even the bull.
The 🕊🐥 The birdies are in strong voice today.
The 🐕🐶🐩🐅 Ohh look at our little furs playing with eachother.

The 🌞 pwomished me it'd go straight into your beautiful Golden soul and you'd instantly feel it's glowing energy ☄

Sweetyheart do you know how so important to so many people here and in rl you are.
There's very good reasons for that.
People don't like/love for nothing.

So huns I whipped up some 🥓🍳 but oops the 🍳 flew off mid cruise that was topping 160kmh. Mind you they did look funny on that nice mans hat. Don't think he noticed them phew

Mental note.. my 🏍 is super charged turbo again zoooommmm
Geepers you really are a good mechanic hun ⛏🛠✂️📍
All I do now is turn it on and vroom 🤤 off we go. Hold onnn. Umm just wondering if we could install those seatbelts please

Anyways so I stopped by at someones house they seemed quite nice and understanding so they cooked some more eggs.
It's ok cause I glued them to the bacon so no more choofies

Mmmm 🤔 thought I'd be clever and simply turn turbo Annie off to stop it... but...oh... no no...ok...sooo it came instantly to a screeching holt...must've looked quite impressive standing vertically on the front wheel... look darlin I really am sorry ...AGAIN... about your front door 😲🤤
I'm rather😶embarrassed about the whole thing.

Umm shall I put the kettle on 🙄

Grandy pubAok sweetyheart.
The whole deals really hard work. It's not fair is it 🤗
You know what lovey...everytime you have a good memory a smile or see some light in your day is you healing a little bit more and denying beasty brat [IT]'s pleasure. Win to you darlin.

Always with you 🤝
Always love and care deeply💜
Always 👀🗯

You're magic Grandy.
Believe in you like we do honeyheart 🤗☺😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone.....🤗..

Thank you so much for your funny little story..you’re so funny and cute...

I did end up going out to the best wishes lunch...

It was held in the outdoor area of the cafe..it was cold, and so many people sitting at the other tables..So much noise with the other people all chatting to each other....

Inmate, her partner, and my supporter and the other WW worker were all talking to each other...I felt uncomfortable. We didn’t get home until nearly 4:30pm..I really struggle to go out with anxiety following me around...I think home is where I should stay..It’s lonely, overwhelming at times, but even going out with S to meditation, the lunch etc..I still feel like I’m lonely...

I stayed in bed most of today...my groins are so headachy and one leg hurts each time I take a step on it...It’s been sore since the x-ray...probably because the radiologist had to twist it a bit to get the right angle for the x-ray to be done...

I don’t know what I want anymore..my goal was to be able to get out on my own and go for walks, go shopping for some clothes, or even just window shop without any hassles...I haven’t been inside a clothes shop, Kmart, target, best and less, Big W....for over 3 years...The minute I leave my home on my own...I feel uncomfortable & start getting confused...Staying home I feel safe...but really hating it..at the same time...

It was a sunny day today..first time in nearly a week...Hopefully tomorrow is sunny so I can sit outside, put on my artist 👩‍🎤 smock and continue to draw 🖊 my gum tree...the electric company did a bit if a cut back...Pheww only two small branches up really high.. It still looks beautiful....

Big love to you Deebi,,with some bear hugs 💜🧸🤗..doesn’t seem enough to just Thank you... to you bbff and all the other beautiful people here on BB...

Love, care and hugs everyone...from my heart 💜🕊🤗...to you heart..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy,,,🐄🦉🐞💭🏍🚜

[demonblaster]

Sweet Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone ☺

You're very welcome gorgeous 😊

Ah darlin it's so sad how you're feeling you dear lady it's just not right you poor love 🤗

Hun I think your goals are really good ones.
It'd be a shame not to stick with them because your life would be so different and easier when you reach them.

You of all people Grandz you're an inspiration to so many. You can achieve your goals honey you've already several times been out including darts.

You're incredible with so much holding you back you still push through. That's courage beautiful to the max. 🤗

Darlin I'm wondering if you might be better to start off smaller and build up later to going out by yourself.
Like go out with people till you get used to.

I feel so sorry you feel alone huns.
I think or hope you'll find as time passes the more you get to know eachother you'll find it becomes easier. It's hard being new to established groups but good ole time eases us through.

Ouch you're in the wars poor thing that sounds so painful the groin. Yip we avoid certain positions eh. Darlin I hope that settles soon.
Would pain relief ease it back for a while or you might be.

Nice the sunny day it makes such a difference to how we feel well I find it does anyway. Hope today is cause loven your plans to continue on the tree. Oh and the artist smocks 👩‍🎤 very becoming 😆 good on you Grandz I didn't realise we have her too.

So happy 😀 you're doing the tree it's so beautiful by the sounds. Phew only a couple of branches off. Sweet do you have some photos of it?

I really hope you can look at that out and the meditation as victories hun it's a huge step for you. You deserve a pat on the back my/our lovely one ☺

Huge love to you beautiful and thank you for those beautiful comforting 🐻🤗
Hope your days better sweetyheart

Go easy on yourself darl you really are a beautiful person.

Always love in 🗯
👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🙋‍♀️🐻🤗😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and all...🤗..

Thank you Deebi..

I’m getting better...at doing my shopping on my own..(which I couldn’t before)....go to work on my own... go to the local hospital for x-rays, blood test etc on my own..I have made some progress their...Isolation has helped me to do this, with not many people out and about...now it’s people everywhere...🏃🏼‍♀️🚶‍♂️🚶‍♀️🕺🏃🏼‍♀️.making it harder again...I so much want to reach my goal this year...and I’m trying hard to do so...

Today I tried to put my new laundry tap..after I did, I went outside to turn the water back on..Thinking I done a good job, I checked out my garden before coming back inside.... when I did I get inside, the tap was spraying water everywhere...I forgot to put the washer on it..😡😂🤣..What a soggy mess my laundry was..and me ..brrr the water was cold 🥶..all fixed now..hot bath fixed me as well..

My inmate and her partner visits my ww supporter at her home on weekends...they have become great friends...I have invited inmate and her partner to my home, several times last year and this year... They haven’t come to mine for a visit and cuppa....Am I not good enough for them?..idk,

I’m feeling okay Deebi...not down..at home I’m mostly fine...PTSD takes me down at times..plus bp..right now I’m my usual meh 😏.Too cold to sit outside today..stayed inside mostly..done some cleaning, washing, and got soaked changing taps...😂...I’m not good at fixing things, but I’ll give it a try..with Mr fix it diy Google..😂😂...

Awe that’s okay Deebi...Me feeling alone..I’m okay mostly with it..it’s when I’m down I feel it the most..Not sure if you’re the same..it’s just, that when I’m deeply down and no one here..it’s so much harder to find reasons to try to pull up...Please don’t be sorry bbff..for my life or loneliness, better me then anyone else...Love you deeply Deebi..💜🕊🌱💙...🌜🧸🤗🌛...24/7 ... you’re in my 💭 with kindness..

I like that the electric company didn’t take too much off gummy gumtree ...it’s hardly even noticeable..Oh Yes..I have several photos of gummy gum tree..from different angles..It really is beautiful..

Good night Deebi, and everyone..Hoping your dreams are full of light..fairies, pixies, angels, stars and moon dust..

My love, care and hugs everyone..🤗🦋💜..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...⭐️💫✨🚜🏍🐞🦉