Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hi darlin and all ☺

Ohh sweety that sounds strange.

I wish you were somewhere closer to more choice.

I've seen a new one today 3rd I think time doing CBT shes fantastic. I liked my old one a lot too but there's I think something not right so one day want to see her to clear the air but this one I don't pay any extra. Was v.happy with her. Had a whopping let down from another but he was good other ways.

Darling please try not to be down on yourself you have so much to cope with.

Sorry hun I'm not much help but know I'm always here for you in spirit if not words and love you 🤗💜💑

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Shelly, Lee SN and everyone else..

I will ring my mhn tomorrow, if needed she will ring my psychiatrist from Sydney..

The problem is the bigger town is 180 kilometre round trip, and I have so much trouble going out on a Tuesday to work without trying to settle myself enough to travel so far...

My flys down from Sydney monthly, my mhn is nice, I like her a lot...my gp is nice as well usually, but she also knew about the arranged appointment, (both gp and psychologist work in the same medic centre)..I’m guessing they organised the appointment together....because my psychiatrist wanted me to go to a new one....It’s hard trying to think atm, but I need to get this out..I have no one here to help my silly mind..I don’t know how to make decisions..

The visit went okay, we talked about some major issues I have....She wants me to start exposure therapy again...last time I tried it I failed..I gave up..because I couldn’t deal with it...Now she wants me to try again....I’m very reluctant to but I will try again...

I feel so darn frustrated, confused atm..I really wish so much that I can wash my hands of everything to do with this illness and all the mh team and myself....I want to hibernate in my home and not see or deal with anyone anymore......

I am okay..Not down, just feeling trapped in a corner and no way out...

Grandy....

[Lee lee 73]

Hello dear Grandy and everyone,

Grandy, sorry lovely, I just re read my post as it appeared and it sounded a bit blunt - so sorry lovely lady- I guess what I was trying to say is in regards to deciding whether to see a different psychologist - go with your gut instinct.

Hope you are able to sleep tonight, you must feel emotionally drained.

Sending you peaceful thoughts,

Lee xxxxxxxxxx

[Lee lee 73]

Hello lovely lady,

(....bugger to the delays in posts appearing...)

I can understand you wanting to get this out. ...and it's realllllyyyyyy hard when there is no one there (physically) to talk things through with. I wish it was sooooooo much easier for you Grandy. Remember it's not you that has a silly mind and it's not you that is unable to make decisions....it's the beasty..(did I get the terminology right lol).

be kind to yourself beautiful
Lee

[Guest_1055]

This may sound a bit aggressive but it sounds like you need to give something a good kick. Let all the frustration out on a pillow or shout it out that you are plain sick of all this.

Hope you don’t mind me saying that.

[Ggrand]

Hello Shelly anne,

I feel terrible I didn’t Welcome you to my thread, Shelly I really do feel honoured with your visit...Youre a real inspiration to me in your walking thread and nature thread....thank you so very much for your really good suggestions..your welcome here anytime....

I think I’ll take your advise and take it out on my poor pillow tonight....It’s been going round constantly in my thoughts since yesterday...decision making is something I’m no way good at..I usually nearly always decide wrong....Thank You so very much for your suggestion...I won’t sleep with release..poor pillow....

Shelly, I want to ask you so much how are are feeling,? I hope your okay...

Love and hugs...,

💜🤗 ..

Grandy...

[Guest_1055]

Oh Grandy please don’t feel terrible. Besides you acknowledged me a few posts back. So that made me feel welcomed anyway. In real life away from here , I prefer to slip in quite like so no attention is drawn to me. So in other words all cool with me.

And yes your pillow... I have punched my poor pillow a lot. Punch, punch, punch I say, get all the frustration out of your soul. Personally for me it helps rather then stuffing inside deep within. ( I did this a lot, stuffing it in) Anyway this punching into the poor pillow and forgiving people that have hurt me or let me down has helped me. I just have to remember to forgive quicker.

Thankyou for asking after me too. I am plodding along.

May you sleep well tonight. So a good night to you now.

Shell

[HeyJude]

Hi lovely Grandy and thank you for your warm welcome, kind thoughts and for giving me hope and support to pull myself out of my depression. I do the activities you have suggested in various posts, such as reading, playing online games, word puzzles, crafts ect, and it did help lift me! I can't thank you enough for your courage, perseverance, fighting spirit, and for your kind giving nature to all who suffer similarly; how you encourage us to keep going by offering hope. You save lives and you have touched mine deeply. It took awhile to gain the courage to post here and tell you how grateful I am for your positive presence on Beyond Blue. You are special and inspirational

I find when I do struggle I think of you and ask "now what would Grandy do? - she still fights even when times are lonely, painful, tough and against the odds. And even when down you help others. I fall back on the strategies/activities/positive actions you have offered and talked about throughout many threads which gives me the guidance to climb out of my black whole step by step. As I have been in a really dark place lately. Thanks to you and all the lovely people on here offering support - I am still here. I am so grateful to you.

Sounds like you have been having struggles with your mental health professionals etc - I really hope that sorts itself out soon for your sake - you deserve the very best of care and attention, also some reprieve from the struggles you face. I was agrophobic for many years but can now travel just locally close to home, and this has helped my anxiety a bit. So a baby step forward.

How are your gorgeous fur babies going? What are your very favourite things you like to do when alone that gives you a lift?

Hello Peppermintbach and thank you for the lovely welcome. I look forward to getting to know you all better if you'll have me 😘💖🌹

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Grandy (waves to all and a special greeting to Shelley anne),

What a whirlwind of a day you had with thah psych. I feel stressed for you just reading about it (and all I’m doing is reading) so it must be 1000 times worse for you...

It does sound like this psych is very contradictory and confusing. One minute, she’s saying that she’ll make an appointment with you every 2 weeks and the next minute, she claims that it’s all out of her hands. It must really hurt when someone who is supposed to be in your corner doesn’t seem to act in your best interest...hugs to you...

I like some of your love friends’ suggestions, such as, taking it out on a pillow as Shelley Anne suggested...

Warm cuddles to you and I hope you find a healthy outlet for those feeling of hurt, anger and injustice...

HeyJude: you’re most welcome 🙂 It’s lovely to meet you here...

Love and care,

Peppy xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello HeyJude, Peppy, Deebi, SN. Lee and Everyone.

Hey Jude...You are very welcome to post here.....anytime you want to post here please do so lovely lady.....im still reading through your thread so I am able to offer you some support as well....Thank you so very much for your beautiful and kind post...Your words have touched my heart, and I feel bad that my words have run away..which they do when someone says things like you just did to me...I get confused so badly but again thank you very much and I’m so very happy that all these beautiful people have helped you to stay with us...I hope that we can continue to give you hope, because you are so very important to us all here on BB......My little fur babies are being a little naughty today, there’s a Fox accross the road and they are barking at it with their little tails wagging like a fan on high, they want to go and play with it...My psych asked me the same question..I really don’t know, because I get no pleasure or joy when I try to or do things.... I really don’t know....

Peppy....I really don’t know where I am with my thoughts atm..... Going to the bigger town, I know will be to hard for me, and at times impossible,...I’m waiting for my mhn to ring me back and let me know what is better for her as well as me.....

Everyone......Im unsure about the exposure therapy, some of the things are not going to be easy for you to do....and having to do them on my own is going to be harder because I know I’m going to have to put me in a vulnerable position and I’m scared to do that...and I’m really not sure if I can...

Shelly Anne....I got my pillow and looked at it then told it what I thought about everything that’s going on with my mh team.... it helped me some Shelly anne thank you so very much..🌹...

🙋🏻‍♀️💜..Deebi Love 💖 you deep 🦄..special friend...please be okay....

I hope everyone is okay....

I really hope that everyone has a good day today..

Love and hugs...💜& 🤗....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼.....🕊..