Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Hanna and everyone..🤗..

Thank you for your caring posts...

My social worker/psychologist...at VS....asked a question about me not standing up for me or others...My tears turned into an open flood gate...She then explained why I’m like this...She said that suffering the rape from my eldest brother, and his constant abuse daily towards me...and then my parents abuse....I done the only thing I knew..to run..unfortunately into the arms of a more narcissistic monster....She said then, that my fear got worse...and I still continue to run to avoid sort of conflict...

Then she said...imagine I’m a little fish swimming around the ocean with other little fishes and the danger thats hanging around is one shark...She said that I look at all the little fishies as sharks...so I am constantly in fear and running away...In the human world, I see everyone as sharks, so I keep running and feeling trapped....Then she said that because it’s been most of my life, my warning system is stuck in freeze and flight...which makes it hard to make decisions, speak up for me or say no....She said that’s my PTSD diagnosis....she wants to work on repairing that...and said that it’s going to be hard for me to get it all out...Now I know more about my PTSD, hopefully I can work on it myself somehow..

No walk today..S rang me and said she has to work at the bigger town today...I was pleased she rang..but felt let down at the same time..

Paws...here on BB I don’t feel so alone...I am missing my children..missing my grandkids...and the beautiful caring hugs we give each other...Living alone with not very much human contact is so very hard when we’re well...but as soon as our mental health misbehaves ..it gets so much harder and scarier....

Deebi, being your soul spirit sister is awesomely beautiful..Love you heaps..🌈🐻🤗💜👭..💭🤝👀..sdsw..

Hanna, Paws, Deebi and all,,sending you my love, care and hugs..💜🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....🕊🌱..

[Croix]

Dear Grandy

I think yourpsych's explanations is an excellent metaphore, one I will reflect on

Croix

[Paw Prints]

Dearest Grandy,

I like how your dv lady explains things in a way that makes sense & is easy to understand. Small steps lass.

I wish I could give you a big gentle bear hug in real life.

My cyber hugs come with love

Paws

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone ☺

It sounds exhausting honeyheart, you're so brave doing this. I like a lot that you have 3 wks break between meetings.

Fantastic she seems to get what's going on and explaining helps you I'd hope. Hard as no doubt you dear love.

Dah she didn't turn up. Shaking head. I hope she does start regular walking huns your beautiful heart needs it.

Sweetyheart I have noted that you'll be getting your results soon. 🤝 with you always lovely one.

I hope you're sleeping better beautiful although hard with that hip isn't it.

Oh Destiny and Eternity want to play with the girls so I thought we might all come and stay if ok honey. They said they want cuddles too so I'll have to obey the cute ones 😊

Love you very much beautiful Grandy. Can't imagine my life without you. Please look after yourself pubAok yadimh awyis bbff lysvm swod

👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍🤝👀🐶🦊🦄 😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Mr.Croix, Paws..Waves Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and all...

I was diagnosed with PTSD a few back...I knew what it stood for and how people get it through trauma...but I never understood it...nor how quickly and deep it takes me down..

My psych did a good job explaining it to me...in words I’m capable of understanding...It gave me some more insight into my brain and how it reacts...

Thank you for the gentle bear hug Paws...to me they are always real..💜🕊....I am sending you hugs as well lovely Paws...

Kind thoughts..

Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi...

I think we posted together last night...

No she didn’t turn up Deebi...at least this time she msged me...She is studying to get her certificate in a masters of mental health...I reckon she will be busy for a while with her studies..Now my concern is that she might move on after she receives it....I will find out soon enough...

I get my results on Tuesday afternoon...I am thinking if it was something life threatening that she would have contacted me by now...They are my thoughts anyway....Tuesday’s not far away now...

Its beautiful here today, Kya, Ebony, Destiny and Eternity are playing together with their toys..They like the squeaky giraffe 🦒 the best...Thank you for coming over...

Mrs NSC has her youngest son and family over for a few days...I am so happy for her..they live in the western suburbs of Sydney...and visits from them are very seldom..She has 3 little grandchildren with her and it’s so nice listening to their happy giggles...

I hope your weekend is good everyone and you manage to get out into the fresh air...

Thinking of you Deebi...and hoping you are doing good both mentally and physically and hope those horrid headaches 🤕 are easing of for you..Please make sure you keep hydrated with plenty of water...love you dear sss..bbff and don’t want you feeling sick or exhausted..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦄💜🐻🤗...💭👀🤝..

Sending my love, care and hugs to everyone..🦋💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🦋🌹🌼.

[demonblaster]

Hi there Beautiful 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies 😊

☺ I thought you hadn't seen it sweetyheart because you usually like and would have included me. The wave was nice hun.
We were synced posting by the looks.

Gee I wonder if she'll move on. Hope not cause you're comfy with her but then not everything eh.

Nsc how lovely she's got family up.
So good she's mellowed but not at all keen on some of her ways.

I think too you would have heard by now lovey.
Tuesday is close darl.
Time goes fast doesn't it. You look back and wow where's it gone.

Ohhh aren't they all gorgeous our furs playing with eachother. So much beautiful harmony they're so funny jumping all over eachother like that.

It was a bit of a juggle Mr beautiful 😍 and the furs on my super charged 🏍 vroom but we managed ok and crikey I managed to stop without one 360. Impressive or what! Oh and your house is still in tact woohoo. You're so good natured about my few mishaps 😅

Thank you gorgeous friend I'm good thanks. Respecting my back on getting up each day which hurt yesterday just once otherwise going well and mentally too. Sleeping a lot.

I hope you're doing ok beautiful love as well.
You've had a fair bit on lately huns haven't you and you've taken each thing in your stride. Good girl 🤗

Deep love and care always my dear bbff. You're SO appreciated honey.
Hope you have a nice weekend too gorgeous 🤗😚👩‍❤️‍👩😍💜👀🤝🐶🦊

[demonblaster]

Hi gorgeous bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all 👋

Just popping my head round the corner precious friend to see how you're going.

Also so that you know you're always with deep love in my 🗯 with 💜 dear lady.

Really do hope you're going ok sweetyheart. Remember not to accept what beasty says. We know [IT]⚘talks rot.

Leaving you love warmth and care dear friend. You're an angel darlin. Thank you for you and please don't feel you need to reply to this 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍🐕🦊🐧👀🏍🦄🗯

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy and Deebi,

Just wanted to pop by and say hello to you both... hope you are OK Grandy... good luck tomorrow ... Deebi you are being a good friend here... I hope you are keeping OK too - Spring here the blossom trees are gorgeous.. so pretty, pink and white everywhere... little Sam has had a lovely walk and is snoozing by my side on the couch... sending fluffy warm hugs to you all xoxoxoxo

[Ggrand]

Hey Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Hanna and everyone..🤗.

Thank you for popping your head around the corner..that was so sweet...and for you Hanna popping in to say hello...

Mrs NSC..wanted me to meet her youngest son and grandchildren and invited me over for lunch with them..I declined, because I wanted her to spend time with them alone....At 12pm..she rang me and said lunch is ready...and to come over...I already told her no...People don’t listen to me...Never have and I think never will....I ended up going over to keep the peace between us... I felt uncomfortable, the odd one out...I stayed a couple of hours to be respectful then came home....and had a sleep....

Yeah..I hope she doesn’t move on..Its taken a while for me to be comfortable with her...and be able to talk to her about my feelings when I’m down....

I’m doing okay ...Taking things day by day....

I hope you both and everyone reading/posting are doing better then okay....

Been a hot day here today...Already feels like summer’s here...Daylight saving starting soon...I wish I could go to the South Pole for a lovely holiday this summer.😂..

Very impressed with Mr Deebi juggling the kitties and your superb braking....I’ll have to go deep into my 💼 and find a side care for your bike..so kitties and Mr Deebi can be more comfortable.😁..Lots of love to you sss..bbff 💜🐻🤗.. swsd..always in my 💭 &💜...🕊🌱🤝👀.

my love, hugs and care everyone..💜🤗🦋..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌹🦋🌈🦄