Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy, I just popped by and noticed your post - oh yes I've had to go to family things like that and you feel really out of it when you're by yourself with another family it's horrible - you were good to stay for a while and then go home - I'm sure she meant well, people don't understand how out of things you feel...

Yes too warm for me here and I dread daylight saving... little Sam hates the heat too and it's hard to find cool shady places for him to walk...

Yesterday was such a lonely day.. and I think when I do come across people I am talking too much because I'm so lonely and it puts people off - oh dear I can't seem to stop myself I spend so much time alone or just with little Sam, who is a love but not good at talking...

Anyway sending fluffy puppy hugs and cuddles to you and dear Deebi xoxoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Hanna...and all...🤗

My results from the kidney mri.....it’s a large cyst..but not interfering with the function of my kidneys ...so we are going to do another scan in 6 months..if it’s growing or I’m getting more, they will drain it, then burn of the outer part with alcohol...So I’m okay with that..

I have been quite emotional today...I think giving away nearly everything I have collected over my life time is hurting me a bit...I had to do it..I need to try to rid myself of my old life..maybe then I can start healing better...idk,

just letting you know..in case I’m not here for a day or two ...my heart’s been giving off so many ectopic beats yesterday and today...it’s scary....My Dr told me to double up my heart meds tonight..sometimes it works and after a good long sleep..like magic it starts to behave and back to normal rhythm...nothing to worry about...It’s been like this before...I am sorry...but for some reason I needed to tell someone...

Been a while....but In a BP cycle today....maybe a couple of days....highs n big downers all day...

I hope everyone is okay and doing well...

Paws, I’m sorry that your also lonely...it’s hard...I am the opposite..It’s hard for me to talk...I wouldn’t mind sitting with you while you’re talking....big hugs..🤗🤗🌹

Deebi....I wish so much that swod would come very quick..Even though I talk to you here..I feel a part of me is missing....My sss..bbff...Love you so much..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹💜🕊🐻🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy (waves to Deebi, Paws)

Just passing by and noticed you'd posted - good that you are getting rid of things that have bad memories for you... the ectopic beats might be due to stress/emotion, maybe a rest will be good for them... I am sorry you've been through an emotional time...Grandy dear lady I will send you gentle soft fluffy puppy hugs from little Sam and sweet dreams and good wishes...and the same to Deebi and Paws and everyone... soft hugs xoxoxo

[Ggrand]

Oops...sorry Hanna...I wrote Paws name instead of yours..Foggy silly brain..

Hello Paws....hope your okay as well...

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and good people 👋

Ahh darlin I reckon you need a good long warm hug honeyheart 🤗

Sweety I'm so pleased for you about the cyst it must be quite a load off dear love.

Oh Grandy your heart giving off weird stuff. Thank you so much letting us know beautiful. Must be awful going through that. I hope you can get a really good sleep to settle it dear love. Good a good sleep helps.

I think you're very brave doing that. Changes and yes a lifetime of collecting would be hard to let go of. You're ok lovey let your emotions release stress poor darling 🤗

I wondered if you might be in a cycle and you were quite down before for a while. Poor darling they're so much to go through just remember beautiful friend this will pass. Beasty knows nothing! We don't have to accept or believe [IT]'s ⚘horrible thoughts.

Me too lovely I so much wish swod. I know how you feel there's a missing part isn't there. I wish I could have you here and stay at yours for real, we'd love it so much.

You know you're always deep in my thoughts with so much love and security in a fantastic loving friendship.

Grandy when you can please do plenty of deep breathing and physically relax each time you breathe out my darlin. Especially feel the shoulders relax and go soft it's a good feeling.

Please please ubAok. Need and love you so much.

Always with you 🤝👀👩‍❤️‍👩💜😚🤗🗯⚘

I'll be checking in on you sweetyheart 👼

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

I know how hard it can be letting go of things we have held onto for a long time. I found doing it scary when I made myself let go of some things as part of moving here as I wanted it to be a fresh start.

I'll take you writing Paws instead of Hanna as meaning I was in your thoughts as well... thank you lass.

So pleased for you about your kidney news. I hope the meds & some quiet time settle your heart super quick. I will send the forest dragon over to join your dreams tonight. You can picture yourself walking over a soft moss covered ground... between ancient oaks & swaying willows... with the dragon at your side as you meander slowly toward the tinkling sound of water over rocks... small forest animals scamper about the ground & through the trees... you stroll down a gently sloping path that curves this way & that... glimpses of sparkling water greet each turn... you finally reach a small clearing beside a bubbling brook that rises from a clear peaceful pool... there you are greeted by all your friends... they have with them picnic hampers filled with scrumptious calorie free delights to eat... but first you all slip into the glimmering pool... playing chasey with the brightly coloured fish... watching the platypus snuffling along the bottom... it's babies frolicking near the waters edge... you can swim for ages as the water tingles like the fizz in lemonade...leaving you feeling full of energy... as the sunlight starts to wane you all clamber out onto the moss the water drying off you as you emerge... your dragon wakes from where it was snoozing in the sun & lights the campfire... everyone gathers around the fire... your dragon snuggles up to you & drifts back off to sleep... the hampers are opened & the food & drinks are passed about with lots of love & laughter... everyone feels wide awake from their swim... you remembered to bring your 💼... someone (Deebi) dives head first into it... rumaging around she emerges with..........

Sweet dreams

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hello our beautiful love 👩‍❤️‍👩 and every lovely soul here ☺

Just popping in to check on you honey. Making you a nice hot cuppa tea and lemonade scones for all of us that sit here peacefully holding you and your hand 🤝 remember our superglue dear sweet friend.

You're going through so much.

Dear lovely lady I so much hope you're feeling ok and comfort in knowing we love and care so deeply for you 🤗

Paws that was incredible good on you. Loved it.

Hannah hi darl thanks for those gorgeous hugs & kisses from your dear fur.

Sleep beautiful Grandy sweet dreams freedom and peace.

Always growing love for you precious friend 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀👼🗯⚘🐕🦊🌱

[Ggrand]

Hello Paws, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone....

I woke this morning the same..I doubled up again on meds and after a few hours it’s settled down again...😁..Sorry I put that in here..but not having someone to tell was getting me down...

Still emotional about the things I gave away...that will pass though...It was hard yesterday seeing them all payed out ready for pricing and knowing that today they will go in the shop for sale....I have kept 2 cute dolls for Betty..I’m going to hers soon to give them to her..she will be happy I hope...

Paws thank you lovely friend..I needed to read that yesterday and it was beautiful, I read it again before bed..I found I couldn’t listen to my sleep stories last night, I was to full of anxiety from the feeling in my chest..felt like my heart was doing summersaults..every 3rd beat was ectopic for a couple of day...

I am washing all my bed linen today..and replacing with summer sheets and blankets..getting too hot for winter bedding now 🥵..

I was pleased with the results from kidneys..just hit me today that it’s not life threatening...yesterday nothing sunk in my head...

I hate being in mixed cycles..haha don’t know where my heads at... I started washing everything..now I don’t want to couldn’t be bothered finishing but have to....up..down..up down..is very exhausting...a chat and a cuppa with Betty hopefully will at least keep me stable for a couple of hours..

Hello Hanna...Waves 👋..sweet lady...I hope your doing okay...I hope everyone is doing okay..and enjoying today the best you can...

Thoughts of you dear bbff...with so much love and respect, 💜🐻🤗🦋🌹...

Sending my love, hugs and care to all the beautiful people in this amazing community family..💜🤗🦋..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌸🌲🌿🌹.

[demonblaster]

Heyyy SO good seeing you beautiful and that you're feeling better phew.

Sweetyheart be sure to sleep plenty I imagine all that going on would play havoc on you physically and mentally you're up and down. So hard isnt it trying to keep up and control it all.

You dear love it all must be pretty freaky. I'm glad you told us and yes it's hard when there's no one to say things to.

Nice you saving dolls for Betty that's so sweet. Be good you seeing her and having a cuppa. Last night I was thinking about her for you. Enjoy your time sweets.

Wow your weather sure changes quickly. Other night was hot blaghh we've got that creeping up hun. Heat ick.

Good news about the kidneys eh darl. Big relief.

Geez Grandz every 3rd beat that must be so awful. Please rest up darlin.

😊 I know, we get started then the feelings and motivation changes. Can you do it later lovey when you've re cooped a bit.

Thank you beautiful Grandy I feel the same. Absolute magic our friendship. Love you very much dear friend. PubAok and rest up gorgeous 👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍🤝👀🦊🐕👼🗯

[Hanna3]

Hello Grandy (waves to Deebi, Paws, everyone)

I got rid of a lot of belongings a while ago and it's hard doing that - some things had belonged to my mother who I lost when I was quite young, but they were china and so hard to keep packing and moving so I had to get rid of them... but you will feel so much better once you've done it all, well done you!

I did a huge laundry wash the other day, changed all the bedlinen, washed doona covers and everything, I was so tired after lugging it all out to the line and back again up and down the stairs over and over - I had to rest all the next day!

Dear lady you are doing amazingly, I don't think you give yourself enough credit for all you manage!

Little Sam had the best play with a lovely couple of children this afternoon, a brother and sister - they played with him for ages, he's passed out next to me after all the excitement, he's worn out from playing and being patted and hugged!

Deebi I hope you are keeping well and I send you smiling waves hello!

Grandy I hope you have a rest after all that work, a nice cuppa with your neighbour and I think we might get rain tomorrow... sending hugs as always xoxoxo