Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Lee lee 73]

Hahahahaha Demonblaster - love your work. My laptop doesn't have emojis....am back on my mobile now...💃💃💃🐶🐶🐺😆😎.

Sleep well Everyone .

Goodnight hug to you dear Grandy 🤗🤗😘😘

Lee

[Lee lee 73]

Hello dear Grandy,

Just wanted to see if you're ok. You've gone quiet. Are you ok beautiful? I do hope you are lovely Grandy. You are a beautiful person with a big heart and a beautiful soul Grandy. You are worthy of all the great things this sometimes messed up world has to offer. ..and then some. You have our love thoughts and care dear Grandy .

If you are ok, that's good, if you're not that's ok too - this just a little message to let you know we love you ❤.

Be kind to yourself beautiful lady. ..lots of self care - you're so worth it. (I so wish I could give you a big warm hug right now )

Thinking of you always

Lee 🤗🤗😘😘🐶🐶🐺🌻🌻

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, HeyJude, Lee..and Everyone..

Thank you all for your kind words they are really well received and appreciated,

I worked out what to do...... my mhn and psychiatrist want me to stop seeing this psychologist, because of the way she is treating me. They want me to see a new one in bigger town..180 kilometre round trip....but My gp wants me to continue seeing this psychologist, because my psychologist made me to look like the blame for her cancelling appointments and now my gp thinks I’m at fault......My decision to is to stop seeing my gp that handles that, no gp means no psychologist......Then to stop seeing my mhn..so that handles that... no mhn means no psychiatrist means not having to see a new psychologist...no conflict or arguements..., everyone’s stays happy. I can’t make a decision to side with one or the other, because that would make one or the other angry or upset with me and I would still have to see them and that would lead to them trying to talk me out of my decision.....so it’s going to be no one...Maybe I am running away from this situation, but then again that’s what I’m good at..

Deebi...it’s so easy to get the days mixed up, It was good that your friend rang 📞 you....to remind you,,,I hope it goes okay for you today without to much stress....Thinking of you very often...please be okay 👌...Love you to the moon 🌓 and back....

HeyJude....Thank you for calling in....Trusting people, hard for me to answer this so you can understand....I trust people’s word instantly without question...but I’m also so afraid not to trust what there telling me, because I’m afraid of them....Saying no to anyone just isn’t an option with me..so I’ll just not turn up to appointments, not answer the phone then after a month they will forget about me and leave me alone.....

Lee, Thank you so very for your big warm HELLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO😁😁...and for your warm 🤗 kisses, smiley puppy dogs and kitty cats.. you made me smile thank you...

I hope you are all doing okay and your day is a good day...

Love and hugs to all, I hope you all have a real good day today, with some light in your soul....

Grandy.....

[Lee lee 73]

Hello Grandyyyyyyyy beautiful lady,

Grandy, If I could, I would drive you to see the other psychologist in the bigger town. On the way, we will listen to Leo and let him rest your mind before the appointment and we will eat the chocolate brownies I baked the night before. On the way back to yours, you can tell me how it all went or we can drive back peacefully (and finish off the brownies) - whichever would make you comfortable. I will then drop by everyday to see how you were going, to talk or to just 'act the goat'. Then we can do it again for the next appointment, and the next, and the next...…

I would do this for you Grandy, I truly mean that..... and I wouldn't take no for answer...just ask my clients - they will back me up on that ;-). I wish I could dear Grandy.

I hope you are able to rest and get some kind of sleep lovely. No need to reply lovely o.k.

Thinking of you often Grandy - warm hugs, lots of hearts, puppies and kitty cats.

Lee

[Ggrand]

Hello Lee, Deebi...

I would accept your offer to drive me to the bigger town, it sounds like a really fun trip..🙃..especially the chocolate brownies. Anything chocolate is a deal maker 😁...Thank you very much for your wonderful offer, you have a beautiful soul Lee. It would be fun and we would have fun..you made me cry Lee, not sad tears...

Im okay Lee...I get confused so easily and feel trapped inside myself, and all these medical professionals have made me totally confused....I think the best thing to do is to stop seeing all of them...I have enough meds for over two months, which means I don’t need to see them...Then I don’t know know what I’ll do, I’ll work something out when the time comes.....I want to get well but I can’t with what’s going on here..I need to talk to someone, I need to know what to do..because I don’t know and I don’t know how to decide, so I think the best thing is to just not see anyone...I don’t know I really don’t...I’m going to forget all about this if I can..I need to get all this out of my head...maybe some fantasy..

I’m okay......The lady rang from darts and told me they are playing tomorrow and if I wanted to play a few games to go down...I told her I will go tomorrow....

Deebi please be okay....I’m a little concerned about you....I hope you are okay...love you deeply Deebi..🦄..💜..

love and hugs to everyone...💜🤗..I hope you all sleep deeply tonight and wake up with a peaceful mind...

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

One of my 💑 friends ever and hi to you other Golds 🤗. With luck you're all getting at least some light in your days

Grandy darling I read here tonight earlier when I got back, dagh hardly worth it, got 4 more signatures but on the up side was an out, time with friend and we went to Maccas again, oh Grandy those oops chocolate Sundaes slurp. Wanted to reply sorry got slurptracked but was so incredibly tired like you wouldnt believe. Went bed before 9pm got 2 solid hrs going back soon. Woke up hot, nice change from being cool all day.

Oop keep sidetracking. Darling friend I really do understand your dilemma but honey do you think its a good idea at least not to see your MHN because you of course have here sweety but what outlet do you have at home. I worry and think about you all the time. Please please floss always take good care.

How's your jaw, bursitis heart? and emotionally apart from the psych rot. I hope this doesnt sad you but wonder at times how you're going about Pam and her lovely hubby.

Good for you going to 🎯 you make me so proud with your courage, you always have and that takes courage

Sorry I haven't yet got back to the veranda post but will. Not far from finished.

What as always (mean it) a beautiful post at mine, always enjoy reading your posts. Your hearts pure Gold lovely. Love you deeply dear friend and wish you to find peace. 🤝 never letting go. We're under your wings together, amazing we met and both landed here. So happy to have you in my life. Light.

Sleep well tonight and remember our stars. 🤗💑💜🌞🌱💼..😅 you 🚜 round the cafe, you're a scream 😚😎

Leelee what a beautiful soul you have wishing you could take darling Grandy. So moving reading that and she could talk to you. Hope you're managing the days with light as I do for all of you. We deserve peace, it's achievable. Within us. A goal worth chasing.

Hoping sleep comes easier to you all 😴

nigh nite lovely caring people 😊

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Grandy (waves to all),

Gentle hugs from me...you sound really overwhelmed and exhausted. I think it would be so tiring and stressful to feel pulled in so many different directions by different health professionals...

Ultimately, I just want the very best for you and will of course support whatever decision you end up making. That being said, I wonder perhaps if you could think about taking a break from you GP, psych, etc for, for example, a couple of weeks (rather than not seeing them at all) and see how you feel during that period. What do you think?

It’s just a gentle suggestion...more gentle hugs...

Love and care,

Peppy xoxo

[Guest_1055]

Hello Grandy...

I hope what I am about to say does not overwhelmed you or anything. And I am not aware of your whole story. But I have picked up bits about you Grandy just from reading posts that you have written here on Beyond Blue.

You may be aware that I have come face to face with my own mortality. Like one day we all will not be here. Life really is so short compared to eternity. The thing is I know you have grandchildren. And a part of me thinks they are missing out on you. Their grandparent you. And their is only one of you. You have so much of yourself that gives and gives to others, like a unique caring love that spills out from your very soul. I mean I have felt it.

Is there any way possible you could move. Move closer to your family and your grandchildren. You might be closer to further support as well.

I have thinking about suggesting this to you for a while, but held off for some reason. Is just you have so much love in that big heart of yours.

Thankyou for being you and giving me a bit of this love.

Shell

[Ggrand]

Hello Dearest Deebi, Peppy...

Deebi....I haven’t tried the chocolate slurries at maccas, but the sound like they are extra yummy, I will try next time I go to maccas (very rarely)..I used to, still do love their coffee frappe...but haven’t had for a while now....

Deebi, Peppy......Im confused with all my medical teams, I honestly don’t know what to do...I’m hopeless at deciding, 😢......I have an appointment with my mhn tomorrow....She will want to see the new referral both my psychiatrist and herself asked me to get from my gp.....I asked my gp to get me one set up but my gp said stay with my old psychologist the one that keeps cancelling I said okay.....I agreed with them both....hard nearly impossible for me not to agree with people..

Deebi...Please don’t be sorry about veranda post, it’s okay really, You don’t have nothing to be sorry about....Please hang on tight Deebi, I got your hands and you’ve got mine, thank you very much for not letting go..🦄💜👼..ill not let go of you either...L🔥VE. Y🧡U...very deeply lovely Deebi.....I love hearing from you as well..but..tch..tch..tch...I was awake last night when you posted..12.30am..(shaking my head)...I was going to answer because my mind chatty and anxiety high...so done some deep breathing, takes ages sometimes to settle..but I did...

I went to darts...was a bit surprised the uppities were okay today with me...not friendly as such but not put offish either, they were approachable...... better then they have been...

Shelly anne....You made my heart and soul warm up with your beautiful care and concern...I would like to reply to your post separately if that’s okay....🌹🕊...But a little later tonight..💜...beautiful Shelly...

Love and hugs 💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy 🦄👼....🕊🕊..

[Ggrand]

Hello Shelly anne, Deebi, Peppy...

Shelly, thank you very much for your very caring post..

I would Love so much to move closer to my children and grandchildren...

I have a 2 bedroom home in a tiny isolated village , which is 30 kilometres away from the nearest shop..On average a home can take anything from 4 plus years to sell...The value of my home would not even buy me an onsite caravan anywhere let alone a flat or house, renting is out because before rent I need a job for at least 12 months...

I’ve looked into everything I can think of, I cannot stay with my children, there homes are not big enough and also a reason as well....I am stuck here...

I have 13 Beautiful grandchildren, 2 sons I used to see every couple of months up until September last year...and another son...I miss them all so much....I .Can’t talk about this, it breaks my heart....

I hope that one day that I will be able to move closer, I won’t give up on that...I used to be able to drive occasions to Sydney it’s around 7-8 hours to see then but my anxiety stops me as well as my guilt...reason.

Shelly anne, I hope you are doing okay, you hold a special place in my heart..I first met you on your nature thread, and with your gentle encouragement you helped to get me outside of my house....I am very grateful to you for helping me get outside onto my back veranda, with Deebi and your help I’m now sitting daily on the front veranda...

Here on these forums and the beautiful, caring, compassionate people like yourself and the other people here make BB Forums a success and I’m sure have saved countless lives...Being here has stopped me twice, and I like and want to give what I can of myself to help those people who need help....Without here I would have no one or no reason...

Love and hugs..💜🤗..
Grandy..


I