Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello everyone…..🤗♥️..

Thank you Croix for happy birthday…

Thank you for your suggestions and insight…The bed holds dark memories for me…most times I am okay going to bed though, but then just out of the blue…I just can’t…..Bedroom suite and bed is the one late hubby and I bought after our marriage…its heavy solid wood and to heavy to move…

I’m sorry Croix you went through that…Nightmares are the worse things…I’ve had runs of continuous nights having them but not for a while now…

March is a very sad and emotional month for me….maybe subconsciously something is stirring up inside my brain….hope this fear ends soon because I’m so tired, constantly waking up through the night with being uncomfortable…

Hope you’re doing good both physically and mentally Dear Croix,   A gentle hug to a gentle person..🤗.

Grandy👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.

[Eagle Ray]

Happy Birthday Grandy 🎂🎉🍰💫💝 I'm glad you had a nice day.

Do your sleep stories that you listen to help at all at the moment? I find that sometimes the only thing that really helps me go off to sleep is listening to a podcast with people who have friendly voices. I was awake from the early hours this morning as I'm also dealing with fear, especially just after waking up. I called Lifeline after a while and the kind person I spoke to mentioned a free app called Insight Timer that can be helpful for sleep. It's something I think I might try, especially for going back to sleep after waking up. Apparently there are various options including sleep stories, nature sounds, music etc. I have to look into it to find out more.

Take care Grandy and I hope you start to feel better soon 🤗

Hugs,

ER

[Ggrand]

Hello everyone…..🤗♥️…

Thank you ER for happy birthday…

Yes I religiously listen to my sleep stories each night…without something to listen to my brain makes me listen to my thoughts…

I have had insight timer on my phone for many years, but with them constantly changing the way the app works, I don’t use it anymore 😒…I tried listening to podcasts but the change in the voices (dramatised) plus add interruptions kept me awake….sleep stories and the bible apps I have, the voices are on the same level with no add interruptions…to startle me awake…

Crocodiles, is something that is constantly coming up in my dreams🥺..not nice ones, but the ones that seem to want to hurt me…they are hiding in my house and yard waiting to get me…I wake up before I’m caught…the other night, I woke up and when I opened my eyes, my dog was standing next to my lounge with her face so close to mine, nearly touching me…she was just staring at me..still half asleep, I screamed and poor girl just took off so fast….I felt bad about that…Being a dog with a black head and being pitch black of a night..it took me a few seconds to realise it was her and not a crocodile😂..

I’m sitting on my front veranda today…..(finally) and just watching the fluffy multi coloured clouds changing shape constantly…a few whistling birds in the background (nature’s Orchestra) is relaxing….Housework can wait until I feel up to doing it…I mean it might grow with added dust etc….but it’s not going anywhere until I move it along…so it can stay where it is…at least for now, 😂..

Enjoy your day everyone…much love, care and hugs to everyone….♥️🤗🦜🦋.

Grandy👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

[Croix]

Dear Grandy~

I'm sorry you are stuck with the same furniture. Maybe with you contacts at the op shop something can be worked out sometime, in the meantine I still suggest a change in colored manchester might be some sort of help.

It may be that your disturbed sleep brought your dog over in concern, and I agree a yell would have frightened her, still if she is anything like the ones we have had that will not last. I find it's nice ot have a dog that feels for it's owner.

I used to have a repetitive dream of being in charge of a bus, and stranded without any way to call for help. Eventually that stopped or was replaced by something else.

I'm glad you are on the front veranda - bother the housework.

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Grandy and Everyone,

I can understand being frustrated with the insight timer app changing all the time. I put it on my phone yesterday and I did find a guided meditation really helpful before bed. The slightly annoying thing is it keeps trying to get you to opt for the features of the paid version which I don't want at the moment. I managed to find the small, barely noticeable "Skip" button that enabled me to get past that and use the features I do want. I can see there's a few apps for sleep stories, so I'll have a look at those too. With the podcasts, I only listen to the ones without ads and voices I like. I agree that ads are so disruptive. When it comes to online music for relaxation and sleep on YouTube, my psychologist pointed out if you select or search for "Live" options they are ones that just keep playing without ads. Otherwise the nice music is interrupted by very loud ads for things like KFC 😣

I think like Croix said that your doggy is looking out for you. Dogs are so intuitive and she probably sensed you were in a bad dream. It is a bit of a shock waking up to a face staring at you. I had a housemate whose cat did that to me and would be just a few cm from my face when I opened my eyes. It was quite odd and a bit of a surprise. In another place, my landlords had two staffies and I would look after them when they went away. One night when it had been stormy I thought there was an earthquake when I woke up to find my bed moving. It's like something was under the mattress. It was the boy staffy who was under the bed because he was scared of the storm. I looked under there and could just make out his two scared eyes in the dark. He was such a chunky, muscular staffy and people probably thought he was tough, but he was so gentle, sensitive and loveable.

I'm glad you are enjoying your veranda and watching the clouds and hearing the birds. It's fascinating to see the shapes the clouds form that can look like so many different things. I have been taking a hot beverage outside in the mornings and sitting in my garden. I agree about the housework. I have been ignoring mine too 🙈

Take care 🤗

[demonblaster]

Hiya dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and other lovelies 🐾 🦭 🦅

Grandy love it was good hearing you going out on the balcony there’s something about being outside amidst the beautiful sounds, yes well worded about birdies being natures orchestra.
Sunlight being good for us in smallish doses and for nature too. 

Guessing you would have had a nice dose of our great gumtree. They’re a beautiful tree aren’t they. We have some lovelies here too. Never tire of them 🪾and even dead ones have so much character. 

Ah darl those stinking nightmares sound terrible. Yikes crocs is a tough one 🤗. Feel for you guys here as well that have the same. Horrid waking up with fear. No one esp under stress which could be the mind releasing, needs the mental anguish. You maybe onto something about March having bad memories. Oh Grandz 💗

Usually when under high stress I don’t have them often tho I noticed recently with strong physical pain I was woken with them over a few nights. My mind was alerting me in a way which I found quite amazing. Would have preferred a chocolate 🍫 dream 😄
Concurs with what my Dr said once about our minds try to protect us. Be nice if it could sort beasty out aye. 

Great the emails are up and running again. I’ve been reading. Need to let you know which I’ll try to do more often lovely.
You know Huns I’ll never leave you that’s a pwomish dear friend but apologies sometimes a reply can be later than sooner. If thoughts were on paper 📝 you’d be inundated 😊

Hopefully the shingles brat is easing off now Huns.
It was beautiful having a giggle at some of your magic humour so it’s sounding like at least that part of your health might be giving you some reprieve. Here’s hoping anyway Huns. 

Ok beautifuls sending you a care package of appreciation for youse being who you are so caring kind and supportive. There just might be a morsel as in if you grab your magnifying glasses 🔍 of choccy too but then again maybe not 😅

Always love Grandy 🪽🍓🍫🤫- don’t tell the others 🦄🌈 🧚🏼‍♂️

[Ggrand]

Hi Dear Croix, Eagle Ray, Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and readers…..🤗♥️..

Thank you Croix, I will check out some nice new curtains, bedspread and sheets that I found online…totally different looking than the ones I have….but I need them to be delivered (which should be easy enough)…because the only place I can but them manually is to go on a 160 kilometre round trip…and I’m very cautious of how I use my fuel….if I run out of fuel the closest shop to get the basics is another small town 15 kilometres away…..it would probably take me a week to walk there…😁😂😁…

My bigger fur girl, (the one I frightened)…is back to her caring self…once again laying next to me on the lounge with her head resting on me….so cute she is…

So much happened in March, the first time my brother sexually assaulted me.., got married, lost my beautiful baby daughter and to top it off my birthday….each year memories hit me because I can never forget my daughter’s birthday….and her passing before I even got to know her….Life is so unfair to so many people…

It’s not the first time that I dreamed of being attacked by Crocodiles 🐊….but they seem to be getting worse…Oh honey, a chocolate dream would be the best dream ever, especially if we can eat it and taste it in our dreams…I’ll have to look inside my bag 💼 to see if I still have a magnifying glass 🔎 because I can’t even see a single crumb of chocolate 🍫…Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, my dearest bestest friend…Ditto, I’ll never leave you as well…true friends even if we never talk to each other in r/l always stick together…don’t forget that we glued our hands together years ago, and super glue never unsticks..especially if glued with love and care..♥️🦋💐🤗..love you sweet friend..

We had a very severe storm and extra strings winds, unrelenting lightening and thunder later that night after I sat out front…wow it took me hours to clean the front veranda branches, twigs, leaves, broken ornamental pots, dirt and plants everywhere….the lounge covers and lounge got soaked…It’s all dry now and un damaged….Hope so much that never happens again…I was really afraid of Gum tree bigger branches falling on my house..

Its dinner time now for me and my fur companions…Im having fish and vegetables…my dogs are having chicken…

Hope everyone’s day was a good day…

Sending my love, care and hugs to you all…♥️🦋🤗💐

Grandy👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Grandy and Everybody,

I got my sheets, doona cover etc delivered here. I got sheets from places like Big W and Kmart. I got my doona cover from an online store that features artwork by a favourite artist of mine. So my doona cover has comical looking birds all over it. The doona cover on my guest bed has sausage dogs on it wearing colourful jumpers 😂. It might give you a sense of renewal getting those new things. You can buy things you really love that make you happy looking at them.

It's lovely to hear about your cute fur girl 🐶💖

I'm sorry to hear about March being such an awful month for reminders. No wonder it's not a good month for you. It's good to take extra gentle care of yourself at this time.

Paws and I have just been discussing bringing a rhinoceros to Croix's iceberg. I am thinking we can send the rhinoceros to stomp on your crocodiles. 🦏

Gosh, that storm sounds full on. I'm glad things were okay but it can be a worry when it's all happening, can't it.

Take care Grandy and hugs to you and everyone 🤗

[Croix]

Dear Grandy and all~

I'm pleased you are going to revamp the bedding - I think pillow cases are especially important - and curtains, the more it is different to the past and gets your attention (I'm sure baby rhinos would do that, maybe even an iceberg (not mine!!!):) the better.

Why no combine two things together and try to imagine chocolate crocodiles before going to bed. That might turn the tables with you chasing them

Reminds me of a song I'll put in the thread "A song to express your feelings"

Pleasant dreams

Croix

[quirkywords]

Grandy

Just coming up to date with all the posts here. You are such a kind person and an important part of 

the forum.