Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy & everyone

Paws says what I want to say so well, I'm not going to repeat. I am rather outraged about your employer's demands. Whether paid or volunteer worker, it's plain wrong to expect you to go into work with the medical problems you are experiencing, your level of pain & the inability to use your arm what do they think you are?

I agree, see the doctor, get a report & follow the doctor's advice. Looking after you is the most important thing.

You've got me concerned if you are able to look after your furbabies right now, too. I know you try your damnedest to do so,but if there is any way to get some help for yourself & your furs, please take it. Will you at least think about getting some help in again? I think, with updated reports, you can get support in your home.

With my own bursitis I was advised to move my shoulder, as much as it would go, even with a little pain, but not when it said 'sope, not going any further', as if it came to a road lock. & that has worked wonderfully well for me. Maybe heat pack first, (I don't have one), then just gently moving it, forward, back, outt to the side, up, & also reaching & stretching. & doing this sort of movement whenever you think during the day. My shoulder was just about 'frozen' when I was told to move it more, not to go so easy on it as I was.

I'm really pleased the bushfire was dealt with & you have not been in danger.

& your lawn can soon be mowed.

Hugzies to everyone -furry or not, that's okay.

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirky, Paws, mmMeKitty, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone…

Thank you all for your posts…I got my blood results back, my blood isn’t showing a good story…..it show all the signs of me having an auto immune disease…Which I am finding very hard to believe…now I have a barrage of tests to do, over the next couple of weeks…not looking forward to them at all….I just cannot move my arms much at all…so over it all…which is really starting to get to me…I need this pain to go away…..NOW…

I am not really fit enough for work, so I’ll go in on Saturday and that’s the last day I’ll be doing until this is all sorted out and the pain is at least manageable…you’re right Paws, I have a manual car and am having so much of a hard time changing the gears…even typing causes pain because of shoulder movements….My Dr has prescribed some strong pain relief…Gee I hope it works….will take one soon…not looking forward to bed though…I’m waking every time I move…anyway that’s my whinge for the day….

Thank you mmMeKitty for you suggestions, I am so happy that you’re getting some relief from your bursitis, I have put out large bowls of dog kibble for my fur girls…as well as water…I feel sad that I can’t help them up onto the lounge or bed…I have little steps leading up to both the bed and lounge but they don’t use them…I’m over this …is this my life from now on?…if this is a form of Auto Immune Disease…I don’t want it…I have gone through more then my share of physical and mental pain….it’s too much to expect me to go through anymore pain…both my body and mind can’t cope with it……my children will love and care for my fur girls…

Hugs,

Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, 

I understand how tiring constant pain is... lass I'm sure the doctors will be able to help you...you are not whinging... you are letting those of us who care about you how you really are... thank you for that... remember we are always here if you need to vent or cry or if you want to hear some tales to be told of dragons & fairy rings & all such things.... 

gentlest of hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy

You sure are having a rough time lately - whinging is completely understandable. I'd be downright complaining, to my room because there is no-one here. I'd likely be getting cranky at inanimate objects more often, especially if they are not where I thought they ought to be, or not working properly, or maybe I go have a messy cry, & get cranky at that too, only because of what crying does to my nose.

I'd even have things to say to my body, as futile as it may seem. It is only a way I'd vent my feelings.

I hope you can let some of the feelings out, without being harsh on yourself for having these feelings.

You have been through a heck of a lot in your life; it does seem mighty unfair to have more to deal with. The next few weeks will be difficult, doing the tests, waiting for results, & preparing yourself for whatever the results are, & what that will mean for you.

Waiting will be awfully hard, & if nothing good comes from all the tests & talking more to the doctor, maybe having to see specialists, then, in that event, you will have some more difficult decisions to make.

We can be here to help you through these difficult weeks, as long as needed. I am sure you know you can phone BB's Counselling service, too.

As happens quite a lot here, I wish I could be there in person & really give you some gentle hugs, help with practical things, too. Even more strongly than the last time I said this to you, please see about getting someone to come help you in your home. They could even help with your dogs.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Hey dear Grandy and every lovely person here 🙂

Ahh Grandy lovey you're having a really hard time of it you poor darlin ((hugs)) very gently geez that sounds so so hard. I'm hoping the DR appt is very soon or you've had it now and tests are organised. 
I know how incredibly painful and restricting my bursitis at it's worse was in the shoulder, I suspect you might be right that the falls worsened it and ? something else that let's hope can all be eased at the very least. 
Nurse Deebis coming over instantly my love. Taking the broom this time so I can do some cloud housework on the way, my they get dusty don't they. I'm so grateful you put that recliner chair on it, makes it so much better.

Grandy they seriously sound like a heartless mob there geez! Nah you first honeyheart. They can sort the shop out themselves it's not all on you although they sound like that'd suit them fine pfftt. You bend over backwards for them anyway. Stand your dig sweety. 

I was so pumped about Avitar 2 and we forgot all about it soon after it landed lol not to worry it'll come or be somewhere in the near future to squiz. Yes it was a fantastic show wasn't it. 

Fantastic news about the lawns, WOW SO happy for you. Grandy so good you have something good going on. 
Physical health plays such a major on our MH and vice versa doesn't it. 

Sweetyheart I"m not here as often now which maybe down the line will change, but know you're always in my mind with so much love and care. 
I know you're probably really doing it hard mentally as well atm. Dear love we're always here with you in our hearts. 

Probs no choice atm hun but please be very gently with yourself, mentally as well. 

Deep love Grandz always darlin ((xx)) 
care and love to you all here too (( 🙂 ))

[Ggrand]

Hello Paws, mmMeKitty, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, ans everyone,

Thank you so much for your caring posts, I didn’t go to work this week, thought resting my shoulders and arms would be best thing to do, but I think it’s worse than going to work, because I’m not forcing myself to move much at all…at least at work I have to move and have people to distract my unhealthy thoughts…I’m thinking of going back in again…don’t really know right this minute…I do know though that I’m so over this constant pain and not being able to do anything at all…I’m trying not to but it’s taking hold of my mental health, so emotional…

The lawn mowing man came yesterday and done my lawns, edges and even poisoned the weeds..so much guilt took over me, knowing that someone was doing something that really is my responsibility…while I’m sitting inside in tears of frustration…It made me feel more useless than I have been feeling for the past couple of months…

I have my X-rays and MRI on both shoulders next Friday…as well as Cortisone shots if they will be of any help for me, depending I suppose on the diagnosis…..seems a life time away…

Very soft hugs everyone..🤗 with my love ❤️..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Dear Grandy, (with a very gentle hug).

Lots of people deligate or hire people to assist & take care of many things they are responsible for. They do this for many reasons. Sometimes it is because they are ill or recovering from surgery,  or have a debilitating condition which makes doing things around the moe, the yard, caring for kids & pets etcetera not possible, not practical, potentially harmful, evryday around the world. You are no different, no less deserving, no less in need than any of these other people out there.

To me, it's no different to having your vet help you keep your furbabies healthy. As a pet owner you are responsible for their care & safety, but no one expects yu to do absolutely everything necessary to accomplish that. I mean, do oyu feel guilty for taking them to the vet?

To feel guilt says to me that you feel unworthy of the help, that you feel you have failed, as if you had caused the problems you are having with your back & shoulder, with your health in general, & somewhere you did something terribly wrong for which you continue to punish yourself.

You are talking about having your lawn mown, weeds sprayed, edges trimmed... & you are feeling so down you are sinking into depression.  This seems extreme, & a really, really harsh a judgement on yourself. 

Is that what it seems to you if I say I am having help to get my flat vacuumed & some dishes washed every week? Would you guilt me over this in the same way you 'self-talk' about getting the lawn tidied up?

PLease, stop & think about what you are saying to yourself, & if you'd talk like that to me, or anyone else. I think you are being very hard on yourself.

I'm hoping you get some answers & treatment for your health needs soon. If you go into work, please try to not over extend yourself. If something hurts a lot, you have a right to say so & that you cannot be causing yourself more pain. Dpm't let anyone bully or cajole you. There is nothing wrong with knowing & setting your own limits.

I have a couple more very gentle hugzies for you, & some cuddles for furbabies, too.

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear mmMeKitty, and everyone…

No, I would never guilt trip nor judge anyone at all…I’ve not walked in their shoes….I am so so sorry if I hurt you or anyone else here….I have always been the one offering my help to others , usually able to fight through pain…not this time though…I’ve been in the same clothes since Monday, haven’t combed my hair, not showered since Monday….I tell myself things will change once my shoulder/s are sorted out…my Dr is thinking I’ve torn/damaged my rotor cuffs…if so an operation will fix that….but she’s not 100% sure, that’s what the MRI scan is to find out….then hopeful after treatment, I will be able to do things again and my depression will begin to go away….that’s the hope I’m holding on to right now…

Hugs everyone with my love and care.

Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Grandy, I'm sorry myself. I didn't do such a good job of editing my own writing as I had thought last night. 

I had not intended for you to think I would think you'd ever guilt trip or judge me or anyone about anything they say or do. I was hoping to have you consider how differently your feelings & thoughts about yourself are so different to how you feel & think about others. 

I would like if you could speak to yourself as you speak so kindly & compassionately to other people.

I sincerely hope the problem in your shoulder can be diagnosed & treated quickly. In the meantime, while your movement is so restricted that you are not changing your clothes or able to shower & comb your hair, it's appropriate to ask for help, not a reason for guilt about not being able to do the things you ordinarily can do. You are in too much pain &can't move your arm properly.

I'm glad you are seeing your doctor, getting the MRI. these things are what you can do to care for yourself. I'm glad your depression hasn't stopped you doing that. I'd like to see you not let your depression stop you getting any other care you need.

Thanks for posting about what you have been thinking I said. 

I hope this clears up what I had intended to say.

Gentlest hugzies

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello mmMeKitty, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone,  🤗..

Please don’t be sorry mmMeKitty, my mind is all over the place these past few weeks…

I worked Saturday, Monday and today only doing very light duties ie: just the cash register and helping customers in the shop…Still been very hard on my shoulders/arms…

The Orthopaedic rang me on Saturday after receiving the referral from my Dr. and has moved my X-rays and MRI forward a few days,  I’ll be having those tomorrow…still not soon enough for me though……I’m driving myself in…manual car, this should be fun…not…at least no traffic lights and once I’m out of my nearest town, it’s one gear all the way in until I reach the town…

I did manage a shower on Friday night, gosh it felt good to feel fresh….my neighbour Mrs. NSC brushed and put my hair up in a bun and it’s still looking tidy…

Hugs and love everyone with my care…🤗💕🦋.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy…...