Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Croix]

Dear Grandy

I've been reading of the hard times you have been having and an so glad your call plus the MH team did help, even if only a bit

Can you tell me about feeding the birds? You mentioned that had been taken away from you.

I enjoy all of them, from the cheeky sparrows bouncing along outside McDonalds, picking up scraps and fries, to the superb wren outside my window wiht his flock of plain brown hens, all darting around pecking up tiny insects.

I think one of the ones I like best are the seagulls in the UK, they look the same but their cry is different, haunting. I have it all from my childhood and it is good to remember

Croix

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy and you lovely people reading and posting hi 🖐

Never never will I leave you sweetyheart like you me. No way would I drop such a beautiful friendship you consume so many of my people thoughts daily my darling 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

Such good news you contacted a help line and she sounded very good. Then mh seeing you and helping too.

I know sweet you've been so low. Yes I completely understand how low this mutt takes us but you know what we still eventually rise.

Thanks lovely for saying I have nothing to be sorry for but I havent been as much for you as I'd like. Grandz its beautiful but been full on and still very much in recovery.

I'm so glad you look like you're picking up I've and I know others here have been so worried.

Never just words gorgeous I love you so deeply bbff. Always 👩‍❤️‍👩🗯🐻🤗😚💜

Need to take more 🤕 meds and 😴 hope yours is good too honey

See you tomoz to reply at mine thanks for you and Paws beautiful posts. You're always welcome 🤗😚

nigh night beautiful/s 😊

[Ggrand]

Hello Mr Croix, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Mr Croix.....My next door neighbor...(Mrs Cranky)...started yelling at me to stop feeding the birds because they are eating her chickens and ducks food...Her birds run free in her yard...So many times I have thrown stale bread, lettuce leaves, veggie scraps over hers to feed them...She hurt me deep...Yelling is a trigger that sends me down and I start crying...Now I’m to scared to feed the birds...I did sit out front Morning and late afternoon to feed and watch their antics....I still keep my birdbath full of water....I miss doing this so much...they calmed me many times...

Deebi...Thank you for your reassurance about not leaving me...I get really frightened sometimes...I don’t know if or how I would manage me...without you in my life...I love you Deebi...and so much wiwawyip.😢...I know we are good for each other...

Its hard...I can’t see anything changing for me...everyday is the same as yesterday...I have nothing to look forward to...I don’t know what to do with me most days...I feel lost and empty....I don’t like being in charge of me..or of my future..if that makes sense..I don’t know how to do that properly..Maybe I have no self discipline..I don’t know..I seem to always feel so confused about me..and everything to do with me...

Thank you everyone for you beautiful caring posts to me..I’m really very grateful I have you all here...

Kind wishes...love with caring hugs everyone..💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐆🐅🐩🐕👭🌛..🌱🕊🦢

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Lass you can do this.... I believe that it is taking time for you to learn how to do things just for you because you have spent so many years caring for others.....but you will learn.....even if right now you find that to hard to believe.....I believe it for you

You have such a kind & caring nature.....you give so much to those around you.... it is nice to see you give some of that nurturing care to yourself.....well done you, ringing the help line.

Just an idea, but do you think you could ask your mhn/ww lady to toss you some ideas of things that might interest you to do..... or your friends here could toss some ideas your way......not that you would have to do any of them.....but something or things might click for you....no pressure lass it is just a thought.

Be gentle with yourself

Huggily hugs

Paws

[Croix]

Dear Grandy~

Mrs Cranky sounds a right pain, and sadly she is not only stopping one of your important pleasures, but I suspect making you feel even more down becuse you can't fight it.

You know as well as I do she has not right to complain. Is there anywhere out of sight you could feed them? Maybe hang one of those bell-shaped things made up of birdseed somewhere.

Birds make the world of difference, watching wrens and fantails is one of my pleasures .

Croix

[demonblaster]

Gorgeous Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi all lovelies ☺

In case you may have forgotten just thought I'd mention I really love you Floss ☺🐻🤗

I thought too (good seeing you Mr Croixy man 😀) hopefully not alls lost with the birdies honey that a step further maybe to encourage you to walk for mh heart health & body you could walk our beautiful furs 🐆🐅🐩🐕 😆 somewhere close by maybe carry if you can a light seat and feed them elsewhere. Glad you still have your birdy bath.

Croixy Grandz made some enormous progress with Mrs Cranky. They talked a bit and she even gave our sweetheart some bikkies and once had Grandz in for a cuppa and chat. Grandy was incredibly brave and approached her and helped her with some tree chores. Big shame she spoilt so much for Grandy 😡

Darlin I feel so much the same we're very good for eachother and get so upset wiwAip 😢 you're an amazing person and soul.

I don't know that its lack of self discipline darl I think it's that mongrel people have controlled and treated you so appallingly that you didnt ever have a chance to be your own person tho I maintain you beat everyone of those demons by coming out the pure Gold caring loving gentle compassionate fun person you are so you did take control to a large degree of your life.
It's hard change but doable.

It's so incredibly sad how you feel in your life. Some things to look forward to are...

• Waking to y/our beautiful furs
• Seing your lovely Betty
• Seeing your bbff every day 💜
• Seeing the beautiful many friends you have here
• Being amongst nice people at work
• Your veranda plants growing
• Hoping 🍉 and 🎃 growing
• That one day we might wiwAip if they change the rules ..hope
• Seeing your good son dil and Grandies
• Your good brother
• That love for you always grows 💜
• Working towards freeing ourselves of this horrendous pain 🤝
• Coffee frappes with me at Maccas and mine double choc Sundaes

Grandz sweetyheart I really do hear you and feel deeply your pain and emptiness.

We WILL because we CAN ..we are making progress.

This pain took a lifetime of building. Brick by brick we'll lower those walls empty the rot out and rebuild because we're strong and determined.
Beasty can go and eat rotten eggs in IT's nappies all by itself.

Thanks for your beautiful post and Peppystar at mine. Loved them and you both.

Please ubAok precious I too dont know where or if I'd be without here the amazing people esp you treasure. You are so needed hun 🐻🤗⚘

🍉🎃🤝🐅🐩🐕🐆😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Mr Croix, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Magic..and all..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Magic I’m really sorry about not addressing you in my previous post...Thank you lovely lady so much for thinking of me and calling in to see how I was/am doing....

Mr Croix..I wish so much I was stronger and able to confront her...That’s a part of me I dislike so much..I did occasionally hang a bell seed on my crepe Myrtle tree at my front gate...I will try that again...it didn’t last long in the tree..the bigger birds do a good job of it... as soon as they see it..then it falls to the ground and have another go of it...

Deebi...It’s just to hard for me to go anywhere to feed the birds....There are houses in my street..and I don’t want any one yelling at me....

This morning I took my cuppa out front to drink it and felt like something was missing....The birds were hanging around..I put some seeds into a cup and scattered them on my front yard...and across the road under the gum tree...It was so beautiful and funny to watch them fossicking around and enjoying the seeds..I had a little chuckle to myself..because I done that...I feel really bad about being sneaky...but I need them to be around..They repay me for their food more then they’ll ever know....

My dil gets her mri results next week..They done a full body scan to see if the tumour in her brain has metastasised from somewhere in her body..God I hope not..

Thank you for your list to me Deebi...I am grateful for those things/people very much so...I have more friends here then I’ve every had ever....I didn’t have friends because hubby always made them feel uncomfortable...and I felt ashamed for them and me....

There has to more in life then waking up...and waiting for night to come to sleep...their has to be something in between...but I can’t find it...😢..Thank you for understanding how I’m feeling bbff...Love you so much for the person and bbff you are..💜🦢🌈👭..

Love the image of beasty 👿 eating rotten 🤢 🥚=😁..that made my day feel better...

Kind thoughts...love and caring hugs everyone..💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐅🐩🐕🐆👫🌛...🌱🕊🦢

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

It's lovely that you got to enjoy watching the birds this morning. I hope you got to watch them splashing in your bird bath this arvo.

Sending you huggily hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Sweets could be an idea and cheaper I'd imagine to use smaller bells on the Crepe Myrtle, pretty arent they possibly the bigger birds won't worry about them being smaller but then I might be talking through a hole in my head and wrong 😆

Haha loven your way of sticking to your guns. You go Grandz proud of you. Keep it up gorgeous that way she's not completely pushing you around.
In time huns you'll learn to stand up for yourself and don't forget that time you defended Betty to Mrs Cranky and it sounded like she pulled her head in so you've got it in you. Babysteps honeyheart 🤗

Mongrel people yelling at you! Sweetyheart not everyone there's horrible anymore because that time the lovely mother and son helped you and were very caring and when you went to darts no one griefed you apart from the snooties who as well have woken up to themselves and seen your Gold so maybe the others have too. Grr pack of beeps 😠

Smiling to myself with you hun cause I'm the opposite proud you're being sneaky nya ha ha, that takes gumption ya know Floss 🏆

Poor dil what an incredibly worrying time and for you too she's lucky having you in her life.

Your life makes me so angry and sad. I remember you mentioning that rot. Part of manipulation and control by the sounds you poor love.
At least you know people who know you like and love you so its not you.
Honestly you're so easy to love precious friend 🤗😚

Agree there has to be more in life than this. You'll find more which slowlys starting to happen like having times out in the park having coffee time with new people and Betty sometimes and lunch. WW mhn and inmate outs times with your good son and dil.
All this is building you up although its hard its learning to stand again which you will because you have amazing strength and determination to keep going and not let them win anymore! 🏋️‍♀️

Truth thanks lovely you too for the person you are.
Love you so much sweetyheart. Hold on darlin and remember it's within us.
I very much hope todays been even a tad better beautiful🌱🌳 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤢🥚😁

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

How are you doing today lass? I hope you felt up to going into work & you got to natter to the other girls there without too much stress.

It's been a wee while since you mentioned working on your stick....I was thinking it might be nice for you to sit outside & just doodle designs on pieces of paper......if your mind starts to wander you can focus on the critters all about you......then go back to trying out ideas. With a creative mind like yours......I wouldn't be surprised if over time you came up with enough ideas for many more sticks.

Huggliest of hugs

Paws