Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Guest8901]

Hi Grandy,

Thanks for the update.

With regards the MindSpot, fantastic news! This is the sort of on-line support I always thought you should have been able to access. So pleased to hear that your GP has organised it for you. From what you've said, it sounds as though your Dr has done the online assessment for you. Meaning you are registered and you will soon hear from the therapists. And ... oh Grandy ... I am so pleased. Finally some support to help you get out and about again. Couldnt make me happier .. honestly. Why has it taken this long to get something in place, I have to ask?

Are you booked in for the ultrasounds yet? Please dont leave it, as it sounds like its something you need to get checked sooner, rather than later. The Halter Monitor to check your heart - are you all rigged up fro that yet, or do you have to make an appointment for that? I recall I had one of those a few years back, and had to wear it for 24 hours if I recall correctly. But I had to see a physician who specialised in heart stuff to get it wired up and set. Nothing major was discovered from my test, other than to confirm that my blood pressure gets very low at times. And that the high blood pressure I was getting in the Drs surgery was the result of 'white coat syndrome'.

Grandy I hope the ear drops helps to clear up the ear infection quickly. And I am also very happy that your GP is listening to you and doing what is right for you. It must have been a very long appointment today? Also a good thing, especially since it takes so long for you to get in to see them. Anyway Grandy, I am happy for you. I hope this will settle some of the serious anxiety you've been experiencing while waiting for your psychiatrist to call about a spot becoming available at the hospital.

Please dont give up the option of selling and moving Grandy. If I recall correctly, you are on NewStart or some other Centrelink support payment? Everyone is entitled to have a roof over their head. And if you are receiving a regular Centrelink payment, then that is proof or regular income, which is enough to enable to you rent a home. And I would imagine, if you sold your current home, you may also be entitled to rental allowance on top of what you currently receive through newstart. Worth looking into I think.

Now Grandy ... sit down on the lounge and put your feet up. I'm making you a yummy iced coffee. Please try to relax and recover from what has been a big day for you.

Amanda 💜🤗

[demonblaster]

Wow sweety lady hi everyone ☺

Geevthings are moving along for you Grandy. Wow don't like you needing but glad you're having the monitor on.

Yikes swelling in neck area, you've got quite a lot happening honey. Looks like your GP's really looking after you sweetheart good news.

And some phone consults and exposure therapy wow you're in for some good help beautiful deserving friend of many 💗💜

Yes you certainly would be better off living somewhere with better MH access it's a joke where you are for help.

Glad your ear seems to be improving sounds nasty sweets and antibiotics should clear it up.

Grandy please continue to look after your beautiful soul, you're so precious to so many honey especially your 💑 who loves you so very much dear lady. Pubok I/we need you 🤗

Oh Grandy had good sleep sarvo after lovely time with friend, so tired still but WILL go bed earlier tonight couldnt believe how the time snuck up on me last night posting

Hope you're sleeping better, hey you're trying for bed but just in your own time sweety, try not to pressure yourself. Baby steps honey. 🌜🍫✨💑👼🍨💜🤗🌛

[Lee lee 73]

Hello Grandy,

That is so good about 'mindspot'! Ohh Grandy, words can't express how pleased and relieved I am for you lovely lady. Finally........!!!!!

Not good about your heart and swelling though. So sorry to hear that Grandy. Hopefully the antibiotics will work quickly on your ear. Gees hon, you must have been in a lot of discomfort and pain.

Make sure you do something lovely for yourself too beautiful lady.

Such good newsabout mindspot.

Sending hugs filled with care and relief for you 🤗🤗🤗.

You must be emotionally drained Grandy - I do hope you will be able to sleep tonight. ..

Good night beautiful friend ❤💖🤗

Lee

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,Amanda, Lee.

Thank you all for your kind words.

Mindspot contacted me today and I start an 8 week course for my trauma and depression....on the 3rd of December...I am hoping with every bit of hope that I possess that this will start healing me...I will give all of me into this..because today I had to have a mammogram done and I had so much trouble just getting their then had a full blown panic attack in the caravan.. I was there for a couple of hours until I was safe to drive home...Embarrassing myself like that again..yeah..no more..I’m over me if I can’t get this course to give me some peace..had enough.

Amanda...Yes I was with my Doctor for an hour, I feel bad I delayed her other appointments..it was all unexpected yesterday...The ear drops are helping the skin inside my ear but not the pain associated with other problem..Ultra sounds are on the 3rd December, halter moninter no booking made yet..I had one a couple of years ago, not a fan because hard to be comfortable at night... I looked into renting last year, I need a job before I can access private rental...Government rentals are 10+ years wait.

Lee...I was in a lot of pain and oops lived on the pain relief for a few days..I’m eating now and healing is continuing now. I don’t use antibiotics much so their working really good...I checked out mindspot home page, it’s government run with psychiatrist/psychologist etc..I just wished that my dr registered me earlier, better anytime then no time at all.

Deebi...I’m trying really hard to look after me. I remember you saying you will you if I do me.. Heart running to fast with constant ectopics happening, maybe med change or increase...neck swelling has no pain, but growing ..Had thyroid overactive many years, Was suppose to take out but parents decided to treat it with meds instead of op..No Medicare back to many $. Dr wants to check. I do have a goitre that’s east to see..

I like but don’t like living here, I mean I have birds, no neighbour in front of me..leave doors and windows open 24/7..not scared here at all...but I don’t like the lack of services here...also don’t like the loneliness here..idk I need to really think...plus my home once I sell, Newstart stops until I use the sale money to live off if I don’t buy elsewhere no $ to do that. The Sydney suburbs are full of people and houses everywhere, idk how I would cope...I need to think hard about if my mind lets me.

Love you dearest Deebi,

L&H all..🤗💜.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼..

[Lee lee 73]

Hello dear Grandy,

The panic attack must have been so awful for you Grandy. How are you feeling now? Try not to feel embarrassed lovely. I know it's no consolation but try to think of it that the people there work in the health industry and hopefully would be understanding...were they?? I understand you'd be exhausted hon so no need to reply. Know that I'm/we're thinking of you beautiful.

So glad about mindspot. It will help you Grandy, simply because you want it to. Try not to apply pressure on yourself, be yourself.

Sitting with you beautiful Grandy..

🤗🤗❤❤

Lee

[demonblaster]

Hey lovely/s 💗

You have a lot going on darlin including some positives with your MH and ear. Comforting knowing it appears you have a good GP looking out for you 💗
Good no pain with the goitre.

I'm hoping but not 🙄 stress is causing ectopic beats, which by the sounds of things will decrease dramatically in the near future with the help you're getting.

Hun I hear what you're saying about so many people in Sydney which sadly is how you feel atm and have for a long time. I've heard and saw a doco about exposure therapy similar to your situation is very effective and I feel you'd have a good chance of success because you've on your own steam managed to do darts a few times, SO proud 🤗 I feel you'd be receptive to this and as much as you might think differently I truly believe you're strong enough to get through this which would make a smoother transition moving including better MH & hospitals Maybe you could live in outer areas with less people around. Guessing your cars reliable as you travel distances to get around and by then you'd hoping be able to manage public transport if needed.

I'm surprised you're not on a pension with your physical and esp MH issues. Not sure about Newstart these days, people can have assets and a fairly good amount of $ and receive a full pension.

How many I say not to leave doors etc open. I know it's a safe area and I won't go further but I'd feel a lot better if you did lock up darlin

Maybe an idea to put your name down for housing. They'd work priorities, you may go higher up the list and time goes quickly. Up to you lovey

I'm so sorry you had a panic attack poor darling it's very frightening. I hope they were lovely to you.

Oh Grandy believe it darlin you are strong enough to get through this. Remember it's our thoughts which we can and you're starting to get control over and the deep breathing as often as you can all helps. Just want to put my arms around you and make it all go away.

We can't give up Grandy cause then all the cruel bad people win beasty too. Nah we're stronger by far! Look how far you've come already precious lady

So much love for you dear friend.
🌜💜💑💗🕊🐕🐶🐺🌛

Lee darl I meant to but forgot to include you in a post before Sorry hun wasn't intentional ☺ Realized reading back⚘

[Lee lee 73]

Hello Demonblaster,

You're beautiful. ..I didn't even notice....and I know it would never be intentional - everyone here is so lovely, it would never be the case. Thank you, but nothing to apologise for 😙.

Sleep well everyone ❤

Lee

[demonblaster]

Cool and thanks Lee ☺

Agree darl incredible people here 👍

Nigh nite everyone, before going to sleep I'm going to do 5 deep breaths say relax on exhale in my mind and believe when I say to myself I can do this...same on waking...anythings worth a go.

Night beautiful Grandy pubok love you so much 🌜🤗💑💜🌛😚

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

I’m delighted by the Mindspot news 🙂 I’m relieved to hear that you’ll finally be getting more consistent and comprehensive professional support.

I know you will give it your all. I admire your determination and resilience...really and truly...

I’m proud of you for getting through that panic attack. Yes, I know it took a few hours for your mood to settle, but the fact that you got through it shows your inner strength. I believe you can get through anything, dear Grandy...

I think that I get what you mean by how you have mixed feelings about your home. On the one hand, you enjoy the solitude, feel safe and like being so close to nature. But on the other hand, you’re also far away from your family and services there are limited...sigh, I can see why you feel conflicted...

I’m happy that you enjoyed my picnic basket treat the other day. It was my pleasure to share it with you 🙂 I am leaving you a jar of homemade choc chip biscuits today...

Love and care,

Peppy xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Lee, Peppy, waves to others..

The two ladies in the caravans nurses they looked after good, they wanted to call an ambulance. I practically beg them not to, next hospital visit, due to my mh I will probably mean a transferred to the MH facility in other town, they knew what i was going through I told them I’ll be fine if I can just ground myself...they also helped settle me, but wouldn’t let me leave until I was safe enough to do so...

To hard to get onto disability out here..my mhn gave me the forms for disability maybe 6 months ago, .I have the paperwork filled out for disability, I just need to hand it to my psychiatrist to complete his section...The thought of traveling into the biggest town for Centrelink’s psychiatrist to review and ask questions about me is just way to hard for me to do that.,.I have 4 years until aged pension, that will have to do for me...Money doesn’t really interest me, as long as I have a roof, food and clothes I’m okay..

i will look into putting my name down for government housing, but not just now... Idk, anymore, it’s all confusing me to much.....and then I start questioning myself why not?...What for? and who for?..I mean it’s not going to change anything about me I’ll still be me....Ugh...

There are times I sleep on my front veranda out in the open, it’s not enclosed, just a roof, but has some fibro around bottom about 1/4 height of the veranda so it’s very open....I will try to lock up of a night...I remember you suggested and asked me to do so before........sorry. 🙇‍♀️ I forgot..will try to remember...

I have to leave soon for my psychologist....she stirs up to many deep hidden memories, I really do not like her as a psychologist, maybe as a person she is great, but not as a psychologist, I know I’m being mean to her and I shouldn’t be, but I just nearly always leave their so very messed up then ever, ....hmmmm...probably be another 2-3 months wait until next visit...she will know about mindspot as it’s on my medical records...I can only go and see what today brings about for me...

I hope everyone has a good day today..I need to leave now...

Love and hugs To all..💜🤗..

Deebi, I hope you’re doing okay sweetheart..love you very much dear friend...Deep..🌜🐜🍷🌱🌹👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🦄👼🤗🕊🌱🍫☕️🛵🔑🌛...


👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄🤗👼..