Alone..Depressed..Sad..

Ggrand
Community Champion
Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..
5,826 Replies 5,826

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello Deebi, Amanda Lee Peppy..

Amanda....Happy 21st Anniversary hun....Yeah I know how some people can start out nice then do a 360deg. turn around...Thank you for sharing some of your nice yummy dinner with me, my favourite is fish....I wish I could sit with you in r/l and eat and chat together....My little fur buddies, don’t eat fish, but I did have had a dog that did....I’m ok thanks Amanda...I really hope you are Dearest Amanda...


Lee....Thank you for popping in to say hello and that you’re thinking of me...That was so nice to hear...I’m sorry Lee, I am unable to do that...I really do not want to go...Saying I will now is okay..and I’m being brave now...but when the time comes and my anxiety has put me into fight/flight..I’ve never fought before, I have been fighting this urge to go into my car now and drive away from all these problems and my life for the past week now.....It’s getting harder not to do that...I’m hoping you are doing better then okay..l


Peppy...I am trying not to think about it...I don’t like hospitals, to many people, to much noise, hospitals can trigger me a lot....and you have to eat, sleep, shower, etc when they tell you to.....

I can’t go on my veranda, my neighbour has decided that she wants to be on hers when I go outside.😢..I’m to afraid of her now...


Deebi... Hmmm I think I said bad about your major meltdown....when I read major meltdown, I see some 😆and😁, then I thought because of carrot and celery..I’m really sorry if I got it wrong......I’m doing okay Deebi.... The mood drops are horrible..so many 😢 today...thinking maybe going into mixed....be about the right timing now..,but I’m okay...I’m managing okay...Thank you for your very kind words and having so much patience with me..not leaving me and loving and caring for me....Really not feeling like an angel at all......But want to thank you Amanda for saying that....and Deebi for saying she liked that you said that...sigh...

Deebi and everyone I hope you are all doing okay..

Deep Love for you dearest Deebi..🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🛵🦄👼💜🤗🌛...

Love and hugs to all...💜🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼..


Guest8901
Blue Voices Member

Dear Grandy,

I just read on your reply to Tess on her thread that you are feeling low and alone today. I guess I am too, so thought I'd pay you a visit. Hubby has gone back to bed after breakfast, so its just me pottering around doing household chores, and trying to be quiet so he can rest.

So I came bearing numerous gifts, but have had to leave them behind because I've ridden in on my PC, not the mobile phone. So no emojis, sadly. Although I read on Peppers thread a comment from delightful SN that she has discovered emojis on her computer? If you're reading SN, please tell me where I can find those emojis.

So dear Grandy ... its just me, no gifts, just little old me. Oh sorry ... I forgot ... Charli wanted to come too! She likes meeting other people and their doggies too. I'm sure you'll love her, almost as much as I do. And she is always very polite and well behaved at other dogs places, so I'm confident she'll be okay with your Kya and Ebony. I did love your description of them as being little elephants! I can just imagine these two little long haired silky coated, cute looking, elephant sounding, dogs thundering around the house in great excitement.

Your furbabies do not like fish? I find that unusual. Charli particularly loves salmon. Whenever I buy atlantic salmon for hubby and I, Charli is very insistent she gets some too. In fact when I have to give her tablets (such as wormers or tick treatments) she refuses to eat them unless I put them in salmon. Red salmon from the can of course! Only the best, naturally. I know when I hide anything in red salmon she will just gulp it down without a second thought. Where as if I try it with anything else such as chicken or whatever, she eats the chicken, but spits those tablets right out again. Amazing how they can do that.

Just wanted to reiterate Grandy that when I said you were BBs very own resident angel, I meant it. Very much so. I've very definitely come to see you as that. I thank you every day in my own mind, for you being you and for sharing you with the rest of us here. Gosh ... I do hope that makes sense, the way I wanted it to come out?

Okay, so I'm feeling pretty fazed today. Perhaps a let down in emotions after being so hyper the past few days trying to organise things with parents, etc. And maybe anniversary on Thursday too, and hubbys health not getting any better. Who knows, maybe its just me. Grandy ... can I spend the day with you? Please.

Amanda

Ggrand
Community Champion

Dearest Amanda,

Awee...sweetheart of course you can spend the day with me,..

Theres not much to do out here, I started to mow my lawn but got so overwhelmed with everything about me and my life..I turned it off and just went inside....So I’m pleased you want to spend the day with me,Thank you very much.

look at Charli she is so cute, Awe Kya and Ebony just love to make new friends....Let’s put them outside to play while I make each of us a good strong pot of tea and some freshly made chocolate cookies, it’s okay sweety, you go out front and just sit down and rest, you certainly do need a good days rest...haha, look our fur buddies are rolling around in the little section of cut grass...Oh dear..Kya and Charlie’s white fur has turned green from the grass, We can wash them later if you want out back before you go home.....Okay lovely Amanda, the dogs are having fun, so they are okay to play on their own.

Amanda, you sit in Deebi’s chair (I’m sure she won’t mind) and just relax today, You’re needing someone to care for you today, instead of you caring for others..Just relax and look at the way the wind is blowing those beautiful little purple flowers around, they look they are happily dancing....can you feel the sun warming your delicate skin and making you feel calm..Oh look over there the birds are eating and drinking...😁, I love watching them but best of all I like watching them have a bath.., ha ha Charlie, Kya And Ebony are playing with the birds, they are so cute....here comes the king parrots, if you sit real still they will land on you....😊 how cool is that, two landed on you..😁😂😅 They are walking all over your head. Nice head massage, ...Awe all the birds are singing/whistling, don’t the magpies sound beautiful, the harmonies on them is incredible...Birds are such happy creatures.

Sitting in the sun, watching the purple flowers and watching the birds playing.....oh Amanda did you hear that, a big branch just fell from the gum tree, over their....I’m going over to check for nests, I hope no eggs or baby bird in it....sigh...no...no nest....pheew Okay back sitting down again, that sun is lovely.. feel the warmth of the sun on our skin , listening to the beautiful magpies and other birds singing, smelling the freshly baked cookies and pot of tea, and enjoying the flavour of our tea and cookies....put all those together and we both had a really good day full of mindfulness.

Take care of you dear Amanda..

Love and hugs Amanda...💜🤗

Grandy.



Lee lee 73
Blue Voices Member

Hello beautiful Grandy and Amanda,

So sorry you are both feeling lonely. I wish I could take it away for both of you. It beats me how two beautiful kind hearted compassionate ladies are lonely - this R/L world is so messed up. You both truly do not deserve to be.

I started packing today and was listening to my favourite musical lady, Annie Lennox - she is so soulful. I read an interview she did recently. She stated these days she finds it hard to write new songs as she no longer feels lonely - her life is now content. Interesting isn't it!

Grandy and Amanda, I'm glad you are both spending the day together. Will you let me spoil you both, for once...how about tomorrow I swing by and pick you both up and we can go to the beach. I'll whip up some chocolate brownies, bring some iced coffee lattes and ice cold water. We can sit, chat, laugh, cry, hug and go for a beautiful walk and splash in the ocean. Then I will shout us all ice cream ! Ohhhhhhh.....if only. ....!

I hope you both have a gorgeous today together. See you both tomorrow....... I would be lost without you ladies.

Love Lee xxx

Guest8901
Blue Voices Member

Dear Grandy, thanks so much. I've had a delightful morning here with you. Thanks also for accommodating my silliness.

Deebi .. thanks for giving up your chair for today. I know you have a busy day today, so I think Grandy is right, that you would not have minded.

Grandy you mentioned purple flowers. Jacaranda are in full bloom at present, and are stunning. I have a favourite dress of mine which is the exact colour of jacaranda. I will wear it to your place next time I visit. Or maybe I wont? I'd really rather not get bird droppings on it. 😂 And all those birds are pretty special. As was the head massage.

Grandy, much as I would love to stay, I have to go now. Charli loved the visit with Kya and Ebony almost as much as I enjoyed my visit with you.I would love to bring her back again another day for another play date

Oh and Grandy ... it just started to rain here. Only light. But that mowing is going to need doing pretty soon I think. Can almost see the grass growing. 🌱🌾

Okay .. Gotta go .. Thanks again Grandy.

Lee - What a lovely idea for tomorrow. Count me in for sure. It is interesting what you say about Annie Lennox. I guess sadness or any emotional torment gets the creative juices flowing. I know when I'm in a bad place, I am able to write pretty good poetry. Too dark to post here on BB, but technically and emotionally, it is good. At other times tho, I dont have the inclination and nor do the words flow. Poetry is, for me anyway, a very personal release of emotions, great hurt and a very honest expression of where I'm at. I sometimes wish I could post my poetry on my thread because those words are often a far more accurate reflection of me. Anyway Lee, I look forward to tomorrow. Thanks heaps. 😀

Amanda 💕

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello Amanda, Lee,

Amanda, I’m Please you enjoyed your day here, and Charli as well had a fun time with my two little girls...I did as well thank you very much.... Amanda, you could put your poems in the poem thread. I’ve put a few there and I’ve read most of them...and there are some really dark ones their as well..I’m sure you would be able to post yours there.....If you feel like it I would really love to read one of your poems...no pressure...only if you want want to...

I so much agree Lee, this R/L world is really so messed up..or am I so messed up....because sometimes I wish I could lock out the world.

Tomorrow sounds good thank you Lee, a day at the beach is what I need so very much....Lee yes if only..So many beautiful caring people here, what a really great time we would all have....I love just walking mindfully along the sand about ankle deep..so relaxing....and splashing as I walk..so very much looking forward to going with you both...

I can bring some watermelon...Nothing is better then icy cold watermelon on a hot day at the beach....oh except strawberries and chocolate of course!..I’m so very much looking forward to tomorrow..Thank you very much....and the ice cream sound like a great treat ..thank you so very much for thinking about Lee...

Hello Deebi...I hope you’re really enjoying your day out today....and tonight as well.....😂 Not to many 🍹 or you’ll have to swap 🛵 turbo Tina for something a bit slower like pedel puff Pete...🚲.😂😁...puff...puff...puffing along..Love you Deebi...

Love and hugs..Amanda , Lee.. Everyone..🤗🤗💜💜..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼..

Lee lee 73
Blue Voices Member

Grandy,

Helllllloòoooooooooo 🤗🤗🤗🤗😆😆😆😆😆😆❤❤❤❤.

How are you today lovely lady? You look good 🙊🙊. I do hope you are doing better than ok Grandy. What are you thinking and feeling today? Let us know when you feel up to it. Just a quick hello to let you know you are in my thoughts ❤.

Sending you hugs and hoping you are being super kind to yourself - you deserve it lovely.

Caring thoughts,

Lee xx

I wonder if you lovely ladies got down to the beach as you planned. I am quite close to the ocean and its a perfect Qld Spring day....and tried to pick you out as I went along the front walkway..soothing sea breezes, flawless blue sky, palm trees gently swaying, children laughing as they played on the swings, tantalising BBQ smells, seagulls gathering around me expectantly looking for more crumbs, and the sparkling blue, white-tipped ocean....

I gave you a wave but don't think you saw me...but I was hoping you were being calmed and soothed by this gift from Mother Nature herself......perhaps I'll see you there again one day..

We did Moonstruck , and I feel so bad i didn't mention that everyone was invited. ..I feel terrible. ... I just didn't think. So sorry to everyone. .and to you Grandy. I noted it on my thread as I felt bad for suggesting here on your thread Grandy. I so know you wouldn't have minded...it's just me. Everyone is welcome to pop over to it. Nice to meet you Moonstruck.

Grandy .....mmmmmm.....I'm a little concerned. ..are you ok beautiful? 🤔😚

Lee

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello Lee, Moon, Deebi, Amanda and all.

Thank you saying I look good...I’m okay today thank you Lee for asking......I like the Weekends, means I don’t have to be worried about phone calls.😁....

Moon....What a Lovely surprise it is to see you here, Where you live sounds absolutely beautiful and peaceful...To live close to the beach 🌊 is a dream that I will never see come true😥.....unless I win lotto or similar😁....I live in a sleepy country dusty crappy nothing to do in the middle of nowhere town....Oh next time we will make sure we let you know what we are wearing, so you will see us easily...

Amanda...I hope your doing okay and today was a day with a little light and peace shining for you.. 💡...🕊..

Deebi...I hope your not too much ouchy with the sun burn..👒...I also put some elastic around it so you can wear itI the wind.........You can fold it up and put it in your 🎒.and never forget it.😚..Love you dear friend..🌜👒🌛.🦄🌹👼..

Love and hugs to everyone who wants/needs..🤗🤗💜💜..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼...