Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

😅 you're so cute thank you gorgeous for the laugh.

You're really brave so so impressed and good girl counting backwards.

Was wondering if youd seen Mumjo. 🤗

It is hard and yes thats good about imagination not being reality. One of mine says same about thoughts too. True

Shame maybe not the cows eh.

Does sound like a long day Tuesday. Ground yourself sweety. Are you using your grounding box hun

Grandy I'll see if friend can take me doc wants to see me re ultrasound results. Gut feeling says it's ok. Gotta hopefully its fixed pick up my ph too. Wet here too I can bus though

Gold like your soul too my beautiful loving friend

Thank you for loving me like I do you deeply. 🌜💑💜🌛👀🕊

Think I'm going to postpone again app to check on the syrinx. Maybe next year.

Hope you slept well. I seem tired all the time.

[Lee lee 73]

Hello lovely Grandy,

How are you today my lovely? Do you still have the ringing in your ears?

It's been raining and stormy a lot where I live too. Well done to you Grandy for challenging yourself. Your strength is sooo admirable and inspiring. The book your reading sounds really helpful. I find Self help books can be rather 'trying' at times so I take my hat off to you lovely lady. It is so lovely to hear you voicing your determination to get back to a better place. You sooooo deserve it Grandy. Keep giving yourself permission to do so.

I hope your day is a good one Grandy. I hope you are able to smile today. You are a beautiful soul and I am honoured to have you as my friend Grandy.

Please give yourself lots of self care . I do hope your cicadas have gone.....

Sending you big warm hugs beautiful lady 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 and wishing you peaceful thoughts ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Lee 🌸🌹🌞

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Lee and all,

Thank you for your beautiful posts.

I spent most of the day staying very busy, mowing my lawns took over 3 hours. 😁 I had to get out of my head and it worked, my thoughts are now on my bursitis, so now I’m okay...sore and tired, better then I was...I’m okay...

My neighbour has been making our already 6 feet colourbond higher she’s gone up 2 feet more now it’s a very high 8 feet, and so ugly...It started pulling me down,making me really very sad and I started feeling like I must be an alien or something really bad, so I mowed...If she wants to not see me, it hurts but I’m okay....I used to give her chickens and ducks my old bread and veggie scraps...That’s okay I’ll feed them to the wild birds now....

The self helps books I only buy when they come into vinnies, because there only a dollar...The last one that came in is I feel a good one, it’s old school but easy to understand and because of lack of support out here I need to try my very best to help me...I’m really very hopeless most times about decisions about me and how to live normally like most people do .but I keep trying...

My dogs are scared of the lawn mower but want to be with me...They run away as soon as I start it and all I can see is 4 eyes peeking out from under the a small table I have on the back veranda..They made me smile today...

Now I’m showered and inside, I started feeling lonely so I read both your posts and back some as well and it’s helped...I hope that everyone here realises that without you all I would constantly be overwhelmed with loneliness and sadness but your posts wow they make a big difference to my life...Thank you all from deep down for your wonderful love and care and beautiful words...your all very amazing and you all do help me so very much....Without here..I don’t even want to think about it..

I hope you all have a good day today...

Love you Deebi very much ...PUBOK...🌜💜🦄👼🕊👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌛..

Everyone I hope you are all okay today..and always..

Love and hugs 💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.🦄👼..🕊🕊..

[Lee lee 73]

Hello beautiful,

......me again 🙊.

I'm so sorry you're lonely Grandy, so truly sorry. I wish it were different for you and I wish I could do so so much more for you my good friend.

Gees Grandy, your neighbour.... It does very much sound like she is very unwell herself. At least with the fence getting higher...hopefully you won't hear her yelling at kids when they visit 🙊. Try not to take it personally lovely. As Deebi said in a previous post...she obviously has her own issues.

I could just picture 4 eyes peeking out from under your table Grandy. So very cute...bless their little hearts - Ebony🐶 and Kea 🐶. I once had a female kelpie who used to bark and chase the lawn mower when ever I mowed. She also tried to bite the wheels. Thank goodness we have our beautiful pets to make us smile.

Grandy hon, don't be hard on yourself about decision making. It's so hard not to I know - even the smallest things like deciding on a cup of tea or coffee can sometimes be a struggle. It's the damn depression talking. Living on our own also makes it worse because there's no one else to contribute. Be kind to yourself gorgeous lady ❤❤🌹🌸. You so do keep trying Grandy, you are an amazing kind caring compassionate humble selfless gorgeous Grandy.

I hope Ebony and Kea give you the cuddles you deserve tonight and always. I so wish I could pop on over and just sit with you beautiful. Know that I'm sitting with you in spirit ❤😋👩👭.

Big warm hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗.

Lee xx

[Guest8901]

Dear Grandy (and waves to Deebi, Lee, Pepper and Cala. Lee I posted on yours last night, currently MIA)

Sorry I feel as though I've been neglecting you lately my friend. 🌸 I will try to be here a little more regularly than I have been this past week.

Like everyone else, I too am very proud of you for getting through those storms the other night. And the fact that you could even enjoy them and appreciate them for the beauty they can provide is a definite plus. That self help book you are reading sounds very good, and contains good practical advice. I think most of us could benefit from reminding outselves that “Fear is an imagination, not a reality”. I will repeat that to myself in future when fear takes a hold of me. Thanks for sharing.

It sounds like your busy and productive day yesterday with mowing was helpful as a distraction, even though your bursitis may well give you a little reminder of its continued presence. Perhaps today can be a rest day for you?

Your neighbour with her 8' fence sounds like she has a genuine problem. And that problem is certainly not you Grandy. I admit I would not like such a high colourbond fence alongside my block. But I guess you could think of it as being a shield from the neighbour you often try to retreat from anyway. Perhaps now, you wont have to? Certainly the wild birds around the place will benefit from the extra food scraps.

Your little doggies sound just like my Charli when it comes to things which make a loud noise (mower in your case). Charli hates any loud noises, and gets very afraid. She too runs and hides under a table, chair or bed. Poor little girl she really does seem very frightened, and that can happen with a raised voice, a dropped saucepan lid or cutlery, a vacuum cleaner, etc. I was told from a neighbour of the lady I got her from that she had been mistreated. Charli was almost a year old when I got her from someone who sadly never got along with her. But it was my gain, because I have the most beautiful little dog anyone could ever want. 🐶

Thank you for your kind words to all of us, that we all make a difference to you Grandy. I can definitely reciprocate that and say that you certainly make a difference to me as well. And I know there are so many others on the forums whose lives are made better by having your support and understanding. Thank you Grandy.

I hope today is a good one. Stay strong my friend.

Amanda 🤗💜

[Ggrand]

Hello Amanda and all,

Thank you both for your caring posts, I am doing okay today...

Amanda, Please don’t be sorry you haven’t posted here, there’s absolutely no need to reply here or on your thread to me, although you are..Your doing it so very hard and I’m really concerned about the amount of things you have to get through, While your here I want to say how very proud I am of you I am...You’re doing it hard but still posting here and yours and I know how very hard that can be...Really Amanda you have nothing st all to be sorry about...

My neighbours and my adjoining fence is very ugly, it’s colourbond 6 Feet then 2 feet of I think it’s the gutter protection wire net but all overlapping and layer up to 8 feet, only out back, the front is still only 4 feet... I’m thinking I might put a couple of passion fruit vines,ivy or jasmine and train it to cover it, although it’s a very long fence to cover....Just thinking at the moment...

My little doggies also hide from the vacuum but they escape outside, sitting in front of the front screen door and just look at me, with big sorrowful looking eyes....They are so cute, yet when I wash them they allow me to dry them with the hair dryer...I have had both as puppies, Kya was given to my hubby by our youngest son when hubby was wheelchair bound Kya was only 4 weeks old, Ebony I have had since she was born.. They both have never e growled at one or another, and don’t even touch the others unfinished food.. I’m very lucky they are both very affectionate dogs to me and each other...

Today I will rest as last night was a sleepless night due to the ache in my hip and leg..

Thank you Amanda...You are also making a difference to myself and others here on BB as well..with your kind and caring words....Even when you’re doing it so very hard....BB. is outstanding behind the scenes and here on the forums...I often wonder if the people working behind the scenes know exactly how much good they are doing, because without them, there would be no forums...So also a big thank you to those we never get to talk to or hear from....

Lee I’ll be back to answer your lovely post soon.

I hope your day and everyone else’s day has some light shine through...

Love and hugs 💜.

Grandy....xxxxx

[Ggrand]

Hello lovely Lee,

Thank you for your very caring post..

I often get overwhelmed with sadness and loneliness, I think it’s part of my depression, as well as not seeing my children and grandchildren is really causing me a lot of hurt as well....It’s my eldest son birthday this month and his dads my husbands birthday the following day...I will ring him on his birthday and if he doesn’t answer my call I’ll msg him, at least I know I tried....my husband is over 380 kilometres away, his wishes which I carried out for him, they are both so far away that I cannot drive that far to wish either of them a birthday wish...I hate knowing that I’m unable to do that..

Living as I have done since a small child and all life decisions allways been made for me right through until 5 years ago, has had a huge effect on my own ability on general life decisions and skills. I have been learning how to live and make decisions on my own, I just start to make progress and then can’t move forward, because my professionals cancel and that makes me unsure of me even more then I am.....My mhn was helping me so much, now she has been transferred to the bigger town, it’s like I lost a lifeline...I feel lost I relied on her a lot...For me to see someone new is a huge deal for me as I feel a lot of fear meeting people especially new people...I hope this new mhn is understanding like my other mhn...

I am doing okay today Lee, I’m not down nor happy, not sad just meh as people say but that’s my normal, and I’m comfortable with that...I had a few short mania bursts which was great but now back into normals.

Thank you for wanting to come to mine and sit with me, sitting with me in spirit last night, really makes a difference and it helps...

I hope your day is a good day Lee and you have some extra light in your day....

Love and hugs 💜.

Grandy...

[monkey_magic]

Hi Grandy/Karen,

I was reading through your thread last night from the start and I just wanted to say that you have improved!

It especially lifted my spirits when you were saying that fear stopped u from going for walks and then u did start going for walks with the help of that mental health nurse. We were all cheering you on too.

I just wanted to say that even though there r things we feel we are never able to do- they are made possible by another's support.

You really do sound so much better Karen.

I get that it's not a smooth or easy ride and I hope that through time you keep on getting just that little bit better. You can then look back and see that even those thoughts in your mind blocking your progress didn't win after all. You won!!!

[demonblaster]

Hi gorgeous just dropping in to tell you that I love need and am so grateful for our beautiful friendship.

The fence sounds a bit extreme but as mentioned a bit more privacy for you from her.

I am sorry cause you liked and comfy with your mhn. Honey the next one I hope will be very caring too and who wouldnt care if they know you.

Love you SO much little Angel treasure 🤗💑💜🍰💗🍫🐣

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Magic and all.

Magice...Thank you for your encouraging post...I do agree with you that I have moved forward and it’s been a lot of downs then ups...I realise these will continue but for every step backwards I take I’m moving two steps forward. Doing my maths correctly, looks like one day I’ll get the Beasty to leave me for good.....

Deebi....Ditto..I both love and need you in my life and I’m so grateful for the beautiful friendship that we have found in each other 💜🤗🦄👼🕊..

The fence Deebi, I will try so hard to make it pretty..or hide it with a hedge although I think it will take a long time to do so...it is both very high and very long....

Thanks Deebi.... my mhn, I’m going to miss her so much I really liked her and she understood me...She knew the right things to say to me to calm me down...hmmm a new one idk, Tuesday will come to quickly for me...Then Thursday my Psychiatrist and new mhn will be present as well because I can’t stay with him alone, I am still not comfortable to do that..

Love you Deebi.... 🦄 your magically special...

Love and care to everyone....your all special..💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼..