Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Oops soz hi Lee Mandy Peps and your other beautiful friends 🕊

[Ggrand]

Hi Deebi, Amanda, Peppy, Lee, Cala and all.

Thank you all very much for your beautiful words of support.

Im okay, just feel I’m a little slack saying to him when he is sick, which I feel is wrong. I know he done bad to me, but he is sick and I’m very sorry that he is.

It takes a lot for me to trust people, I’ve been seeing my mhn nurse for over 12 months, it took half that amount of time to start trusting her and I really liked her. I haven’t heard from her for over 2 weeks. This morning I get a phone call from another mhn to say that my mhn will be now working from the bigger town, and that the person I spoke to will be taking over her clients....My regular mhn didn’t even bother to tell me or say good bye, that hurts I trusted her. I realised today I am only a number a job for her...they don’t realise the trust I put in her or that I relied on her for her guidance. Now I have to see this other one I spoke to this morning on Tuesday, I have to go through it all again! It’s like a part of my peace has dissolved, this new mhn doesn’t know me or my fears of going out, of people, of my inability of trusting people.. Stress is going to be a major problem on Tuesday...never ends does it, so many hurdles along the way to get over, I’m sorry but I feel it’s not fair... I don’t know about speaking to a new mhn...one of my main problems is looking at people, when they talk to me or if I’m talking to them, my mhn nurse learnt to understand that I can’t it took a while but she got to know me..Has this happened to anyone here and if so how did you manage to restart with a new mhn...

Its storming here today, a little hail, lots of well needed rain...and so much noise, if you’ve never experienced a rural outback thunderstorm, to explain it would be a continuous rumbling of thunder with a loud deafening thunder burst and the lightning is unreal, there so much iron ore here in the ground that lightening strikes are a regular go.. I am just sitting in my lounge room watching it..no triggers this time..yay me..I won this round Beasty..💪.

Deebi, Thank you so very much...your love keeps me wanting to stay here......Love you so very deeply dearest friend....🌜🦄👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👼💜🌛..ditto, x 💯...

Thank you all for your love and care and please know that I also love and care for you all. You are all special people in my life...

I hope your day is peaceful and some light is in your life today....

Love and hugs...💜🤗..

Grandy...🕊🕊🕊🕊..we will find it...

[Lee lee 73]

Hello beautiful Grandy, ( and Amanda, Deebi and all)

Oh noooo Grandy...your hurdle track keeps getting longer and longer doesn't it. So sorry Grandy, I agree, it is so unfair 😢.

Grandy, in order for care teams to provide continuity of care, it is mandatory for them to progress note every visit. I'd be very surprised if this wasn't the case with yours. Do you think you could maybe call ahead and enquire/request for your new mhn to review your medical history prior to their visit? It is unfair that you have to do this lovely but maybe it will give you peace of mind. As for trust.....I truly feel for you Grandy, having to see someone new. She should hopefully be aware she has to earn your trust. Grandy, I think it may have been suggested on previous posts - to write some things down or even copy and paste what you've written here, to give to her to read. What do you think? Sorry I don't think I've been much help dear Grandy. I wish we could be there with you on Tuesday beautiful.

As for your older brother's illness, remind yourself Grandy, that he's not the only one who is unwell ...

Glad to hear it has rained at yours . Grandy, I didn't even think of the fact there would be iron ore in the ground....does it enhance the effect of the lightning ? Congrats on winning that round with beasty beautiful lady 💪💪.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us Grandy ❤❤

I hope you find peace to sleep tonight hon. Please give yourself lots of deserved self care our good friend.

Giving you lots of big warm hugs Grandy 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗😙😙😙😙😙❤❤❤❤😋

Goodnight everyone 😚😴.

Lee ❤🌸👭

[Lee lee 73]

Hi All,

P.S - thank you for your kind words Amanda. Very thoughtful of you (as always ) for you to say what you did. I hope you are also giving yourself lots of deserved self care too.......and everyone else that is also struggling.

Free hugs here 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Lee

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

You sound (understandably) hurt, upset and let down by you MH nurse. I know you opened up to her and trusted her so it must have felt so painful (perhaps even like a betrayal) when she didn’t even give a farewell message or give you a heads-up about the new MH nurse...I’m so sorry, dear Grandy. I feel your sadness and pain...

I think it will take some time for you to get used to the new nurse. As Lee wisely said, in theory, your new MH nurse would have received notes about you so s/he shouldn’t be walking in with no background knowledge...hopefully that reassures you a little...

Also, I like to think that your MH nurse did genuinely care, and that you were more than a “job” to her. I feel sometimes hospitals and clinics have a lot of red tape, which can mean when staff members come and go, they may not necessarily be allowed to directly contact clients and patients e.g. maybe admin or another department is assigned this role and nurses.

I know this sounds silly but I personally know some hospitals/clinics that are quite strict about which staff member contacts which client/patient and under which circumstances. Red tape...so maybe your MH nurse did want to speak with you but perhaps where she works has certain protocols she had to follow....just a gentle idea...

I’m feeling very proud of you for making it through the storm yesterday. You are such a brave woman to sit through it, and even more impressively, you weren’t triggered by it. That is an incredible accomplishment!

Love, care and gentle hugs...

Peppy xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello, Deebi, Lee, Peppy and all,

I do remember that my mhn writes down about our meeting, and can check when my gp, Psychiatrist and psychology visits are. My records are an open book for all my medical team, you are right, my wrong way of thinking...I just feel now that it will be hard to put my trust in her, because she also will move on, then their will be another and another so on and so on... typical country health system.. I don’t have a printer so am unable to print anything unless it’s by hand.. It’s okay, I have a job provider appointment before work, then work, then straight after work my new mhn, I’m pleased that I will be busy from 7am right up until my appointment with her at 4pm....I won’t have time for my thoughts to take hold...I

I remember the storms from the city, and I would say that the iron ore does enhance the lightening, hard to see of a day, but the nighttime storms is brilliantly turning night to day then back again..I’m frightened of storms..reasons but I’ve been challenging myself not to hide, just to sit inside and watch or at least notice that it’s storming....I can’t go outside in a storm, ever...I don’t think I will ever be able to, but that’s okay...

Thank you for being proud of me...that means a lot to me...After the last downer I had and found myself at the look out, contemplating why not? I am determined to work harder to get me at least back where I was before that phone call from my brother....We can do this, we can get peace and that’s what I’m aiming for, along with happies...

Its achievable....it really is.....

Love and hugs, 💚.🤗...everyone..

Love you Deebi 💜🦄...good luck today 🍀...

Grandy...🕊

[Bec06]

I feel like I need a good cry

[Ggrand]

Hello Bec,

Welcome to the forums..

Awe Bec I’m so very sorry, that you feel like crying, it’s okay sweetheart to cry, let it all out, crying will release some of that hurt that your feeling deep inside you...I’m right here with you.....Take your time....

Bec, your Welcome to stay here on my thread if you feel to..but I really feel that if you ..only when you feel up to it..try to start your very own thread, where you will get lots of wonderful caring people calling in to talk to you and give you their care and support....Bec you so much deserve to be helped and supported as much as possible.....If you do start a new thread I will keep a look out for it and come and say hello and try to support you as much as I can...

To start your own thread..Go back to home page, then click on join discussion.....Then press welcome and orientation...there you will see a blueish green button which says...New Threads...if you press on that...you can name your thread, then write out what your wishing to say and press post this reply...

Bec I will keep an out for your very own thread...and Pop in to say hello and try my best to be there for you...

Kind and caring thoughts...

Sending hugs to you as well Bec, if you like hugs..

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi gorgeous Grandy 🤗

Ah darl it is hard going from one to the other isnt it esp that you have trust issues, can't say I blame you one bit with the life you've had sweet lady 🤝
I'd think in this situation they'd do a thorough hand over so new one will know your history, progress etc before meeting you. Sweety I'm sorry for you because you were comfortable and trusted this one. Lets hope this ones as good.

I'm getting better at not letting imagination run with beasty cause when the time comes we handle the situation cause we're in it and she hopefully is very understanding esp in that line of work.

Know I'm always keeping an eye on you dear friend and all my other lovelies too.

Floss SO proud of you how you're surfacing your tremendous strength, I remember how poorly you were treated in storms, heart breaking and absolutely Grandy WIN to you. You're powering Floss. Storms are amazing to watch. Keep remembering all these amazing achieves you're having hun it reinforces strength and positives to squash IT out.

Interesting about the iron ore and very good to finally be getting rain, hey maybe the cows will return and be nice seeing more Green grass growing.

Thanks so much for dropping into mine you too Peps Mandy Magic Starts, I will respond.

Can't not be here for you beautiful friend you're so good to me I need to be looking after you too.

Love you so very deeply darling friend. Was it steel or Gold our moons🌜💜💑🕊🐶😸🌛You too are one of my reasons beautiful friend 😚

Ubok Grandy darling
Left one chocolate and half a strawberry cause I'm good like that, loved them and the ripple cake wow what a sweetheart thank you ☺💜👀👂🏻⚘

You're incredible Grandy so happy to be your friend 🕊🤝💓

[Ggrand]

Hi lovely Deebi,

It is so really hard Deebi and I do understand what you’re saying about our imagination running with beasty, I’ll try really hard to put it out of my thoughts until Tuesday.... Thank you very much Deebi....I think because the appointment is after work it’s going to be a looong day...

im reading a self help book and in it is a section on fear and a sentence said “Fear is an imagination, not a reality” I thought about those words constantly for a day or two...It goes on to challenge our fears...I was about to go to bed and hide myself under the bedcovers, but I thought the storms here and I decided to challenged myself to sit in my lounge room and watch it...I counted backwards from1000 x 3s to stop the incoming bad thoughts and feelings...😁 Every thunder I had to start counting again..I done better then my dogs..... they hid behind the lounge...

I don’t think he will bring the cows..... He is putting so many rusty old cars, tractors, trucks etc...scattered all his property and especially around the front of mine....

I haven’t seen mumjoe...neither has Betty seen them since the long weekend either...Were both hoping that because the grass is green, they are staying in the hills because there plenty of food up there and don’t need to come down looking for it..Betty used to feed them daily as well. Miss them a lot..

I love being at yours and caring for you so much..... and the other lovelies as well when I’m able to..... it helps me get out of my head....

Oh..Deebi...I will take the one chocolate and half strawberry I will squish the strawberry, and grate the chocolate, then mix together then micro wave.. place it in an ice cube and then fridge it...yummy I will get a strawberry rippled chocolate square...oh and it’s all mine😁.....oh..okay...sweety....you can have half....

Love you very much as well Deebi....Gold moons Deebi, like your heart and soul...🌜🦄💜👼🌛...special...oops I still got one gift to finish making for you ..I will get it finished soon..

Thank you all for your care, love,understanding, love and care for you all..

Love and caring hugs..💜🤗...

Nite nites all sleep deeply and dream sweetly..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....