Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (a gentle wave to all here),

Like everyone else, I also feel so very proud of you.

What a gutsy woman you are to stand up to someone who has cast a shadow over you your whole life...

This is incredible, Grandy...you are incredible

Love,

Peppy xoxo

[Lee lee 73]

Good on you Grandy, so much courage lovely lady. So proud of you. A brilliant decision.

Thinking of you beautiful ❤🌸🌹❤😍

Lee

[Guest8901]

Dear Grandy,

So proud of you! Finally you have been able to stand up for yourself, something you were unable to do as a vulnerable frightened young girl all those years ago.

I think you're wonderful ... truly.

Amanda

[demonblaster]

So glad to hear that Grandy.

Really proud of you and that you're feeling good about it too.

Love you 💜🤝👀💑

[Speak Your Truth]

Hi there Grandy. You are full of surprises ! I know that the call to your brother was (still is ?) a humongous thing for you to do. Congratulations to you Grandy. As everyone says “you are amazing.” Next time you need time to stand up for yourself I hope you can be inspired by this courage you showed.

So yes, I’m back, today at least. Not a lot new with me - I’ve had ups and downs (since I took a break) and still working on some big stuff. It’s such hard, tiring work isn’t it ? I’ll think of your courage the next time I’m challenged.

bye for now, Cala

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Amanda, Lee, Peppy, Magic and all.

Thank you all for saying your proud of me..

Im questioning myself now, that I should have done it when he was well. I feel bad now because he is sick when I told him ....however I’m okay...I had to do it....Living the last couple of weeks always on edge from phone calls, msgs and expecting him to come to mine was really not good...I doubt he will travel this far being on dialysis....I have relaxed a lot inside of myself..

Work was okay today, was only one other and myself made for a really busy day...I stayed out back, the other out front...should have been reversed but the boss opened up and left until closing so he will never know.. I feel as long as the jobs are done it’s doesn’t really matter who does which job...

Feeling okay, but also a bit abandoned as well Psychologist has re appointed again...now it’s the 20th November..Psychiatrist on the 18th this month so that’s next week... and mhn well I haven’t heard from her in over two weeks....It really is so very bad in rural NSW..I need to speak to my psychiatrist I still have cicadas living in my ears and at night trying to sleep is so very hard...earplugs in but still the ringing is still there...The anti depressants I feel are not good, while they are trying to fix one problem they have causes another...Not letting it get me down, it’s hard enough living with so many CPTSD triggers and Bi-Polar, I’m not going to let the ringing in my ears get me down.. ..

I think I’m moving up a little too quickly, so I’m thinking mania?...

I hope everyone’s day was a good day....and tonight you all sleep good..and your filled with peace..🕊...

Deebi, love you very much....💜🦄👼🕊..We will and can be free of beasty....

Love and hugs everyone. alway wishing you all peace..🕊🕊..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼..

[Lee lee 73]

Hello lovely Grandy,

Just wishing you a good night. You continue to be amazing lovely lady.😇😇😇😇. You did have to do what you did. So so happy you did. 💪💪

It totally sucks mh services suck in rural NSW. I soooooooo wish it were better for you 🙁.

I do hope it's not mania, I hope it's a sense of accomplishment on your part Grandy. And as you said, relaxation and not living on edge. My fingers and toes are crossed for you.

Sorry to hear you still have the ringing in your ears. I often have music or listen to podcasts in the background to go to sleep to..(if you haven't already thought of it)

Good night gorgeous. ..hugs from me 🤗🤗🤗🤗 to you. Peaceful and sleepy thoughts😴😴😴

All my love ❤❤🤗😚🤗

Goodnight everyone - Amanda and Deebi - hope you both are ok 😉

Lee

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy and all,

In your own words, “I had to do it”... I know it’s much easier in theory than in practice but try not to second guess yourself too much.

I don’t think there’s ever truly a “right time” to stand up to someone who hurt you that deeply...I feel sometimes certain things just need to be said, regardless of timing...

Feeling abandoned is an awful feeling. Sorry, is this the same psychologist who keeps changing your appointment or is this a new one? I’ve forgotten...

Hugs, gentle thoughts, love and care

Peppy xoxo

[Guest8901]

Dear Grandy

Please dont question yourself about how you handled your 'brother issue'. The fact that you did what you had to do, and feel a sense of accomplishment by doing so, says it all. You did what was right, and just. Yes its sad that he is obviously sick now and undergoing dialysis. But that does not undo what has been done, it does not undo the wrong he committed against you, it does not mean he is suddenly a man worthy of your sympathy or consideration. Let it go now Grandy, and continue to feel proud that you have now done what you could not do at the time. You have found your voice Grandy ... and thats a very special thing.

Thanks for your lovely message on my thread yesterday Grandy. Yes I am not doing too well right now, but all your (and others) messages are definitely helping me cope during a truly difficult period. I'm sorry I havent been here as much as I'd like, but I am trying hard to keep up with you and the others. Good on you for getting through another work day, relatively well. Damn that MHN of yours! I thought she was a rare reliable factor in your care, but sadly its looking like I was wrong.

Hi Deebi, Pepper and Lee. Hello Cala as well, we havent met before, but I enjoy seeing you drop by when you do. Lee what lovely posts you have been doing lately. Huge kudo's to you gorgeous. And what you say about the MH services in rural NSW ... they really do suck! I'm rural NSW too, but I'm one of the lucky ones - just under an hour away we have pretty good services, and choices. I am extremely grateful for this, and constantly lament the fact that Grandy has so few MH options available to her.

Gotta go. Will try to get back later, or soon.

Amanda

[demonblaster]

Hi beautiful Grandy

Just dropping to tell you you're very loved 💜💑🤝👀

I'm keeping an eye on you too.

Sorry hearing you're MH services are all over the shop.

Oh you're so gorgeous, cicadas living in your ears, geez hoping that settles, would be so annoying.

Much love and always loving thoughts 🤗😚🕊