Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Guest8901]

Hi dear Grandy. We must to be cross posting lately, with yours slotting after I've posted to you. It makes it seem that I've not been reading your posts. So I do apologise for appearing so dumb and asking about things you've already told me. I am definitely reading your posts as they have come through, and have not missed any, despite how it may seem.

Yes Grandy I'll bet the pub lunch was difficult for you. But you did it! And thats important to remember, that you can do these things when you have the right support. Your brother sounds very kind, understanding and supportive. He must be similar in nature to you. What a shame you live so far from each other. In an ideal world, you would move to be near either your brother or your children and grandchildren. I do understand the reasons why you are unable to do so. Wish I could snap my fingers and produce a truckload of cash to fund your move Grandy! I would do so in a flash.

I think Grandy that you feel the pain and suffering of those around you way too much. Although it goes totally against your beautiful nature, we all need to protect ourselves by learning to distance ourselves a little bit sometimes. You cannot keep taking on the pain of everyone around you, when you are suffering so much yourself. You will eventually break. Please only do what you can, when you feel strong enough to take on everyone elses troubles along with your own.

There is no need to apologise for not visiting me in a few days. We have been talking here and thats enough for now. I know you will visit again when you can. No hurry.

Gosh the ringing in the ears does not sound pleasant at all. Is it listed as a possible side effect of the medication you're on? Definitely should discuss with your Doctor or psychiatrist as soon as possible. The ADs and anti anxiety meds I'm on do not have that effect on me. I'm really lucky that I have very few side effects at all.

Yes it is hard to find the motivation to do things such as housework when there is nobody around to appreciate it or even notice. Its different for me, as my OCD means that I have to always have everything in its place and everything spotless. That can get exhausting and stressful when not able to do stuff when physically unable, such as recently.

I hope your MHN visit tomorrow goes as well as possible, and your headache resolves soon. We've had rain here too, with the promise of more to come. Rest up Grandy. Sending love and hugs.

Hi Lee and Pepper.

Mandy

[Lee lee 73]

Hello beautiful Grandy, and a wave to you all lovelies,

Just a quick visit lovely.. I read you mentioned you have ringing in your years Grandy. It is very possible it is a side effect as I was on an AD where it was one. Google your medication name with 'Consumer Medicine Information' as the suffix in your search. Then select a result that shows a PDF form. This is the information leaflet given out by pharmacies. It will list the possible side effects. Sorry hon, I don't know if goes away though as I now have it permanently (mild) as a result of 'misuse'.

I hope you are being gentle and kind to yourself my beautiful friend. Sitting with you Grandy, enjoying having a cuppa with you, a comforting conversation, being in your company and giving you big warm hugs 🙂

Sending you my love and care gorgeous lady,

Love

Lee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (am on laptop)

[demonblaster]

Love you too darling, listening always to how you're going.

Thank you for your love and care 🤗

I hope Mumjoe are ok, maybe the noise scared them off temporarily. Hope that's it. The bangs must be awful to hear Grandy 🤗

Hoping you're ears stop ringing, not saying it is but sounds like tinnitis. Which eventually I think goes. Would be annoying. Hope temporary.

Pubok always beautiful friend. 🤗💑💜 love and appreciate you SO much.

You're all beautiful people take care

[Ggrand]

Hello Amanda, Lee, waves Deebi and others..

Thank you both for your caring posts....

Amanda.....Please don’t apologise, I knew what was happening, some of my posts have taken more then 8 hours to be posted. I feel guilt at times thinking I wrote wrong and caused them more work....

I can’t help feeling others pain and suffering, I’ve been like this as far back as I remember, I have always been their for my friends and others listening to them, crying when they cried..Its something that I just turn off, it’s who I am, a part of me....has been since I was a very young age....I only do what I can when I can, writing here is a type of release for me, It’s hard to explain, it’s inbuilt into my soul, it’s me, who I am...

I try not to think about moving anymore, I think no matter where I live, I will still be me...

I used to be like that constant cleaning, I had to, one thing out of place I would be in big trouble with my hubby....Now I can’t be bothered, no motivation at all, .. I started French knitting or tube knitting! I casted on and done around half hour...I checked on google and saw some great things that can be made my doing this form of knitting..please be gentle and kind to yourself Amanda...💚

Lee...Thank you hun, I checked out my ADs on google, no it’s not a side effect...but it maybe, it started not long after I started these new meds..I’ll check with my gp. when I see her next....It’s really annoying, its constantly here.. wow, I hope it goes away, I’m going to miss my AD tonight, and see if it quietens a little...I hope you are doing okay and you are also being gentl with you..

Deebi I really hope you are feeling better today...always in my thoughts dear 💜 friend....Love goes deep.....

Big love and many hugs...💜🤗💜🤗...

Grandy...

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy,

Your fur babies are absolutely precious, and I’m not surprised at all that they love being near their dear Grandy 🙂

You have a huge heart with so much love to give. You have a natural and easy compassion. You quite literally feel for others...it’s a beautiful quality even if it must be draining for you at times.

I actually think being so deeply caring is truly beautiful. I wonder if telling yourself something along the lines of “I can care, I can love, I can comfort, I can listen and I can support but I can’t ‘save’ other people.” I wonder if that mentality might help a little...it helps me.

Someone who I suspect is very thoughtful and wise said to me on another thread that we can only ever help to “reduce suffering.” Granted, s/he was talking about a different topic but I feel the same concept can apply to so many things...

I feel we can’t save people, for example, but if we can gently support others, we can hopefully help to reduce their suffering. Perhaps something to think about...just a little idea...

Well done on starting French knitting. I don’t know what it is exactly but it sounds fun and it’s a good way to keep the hands and mind preoccupied 🙂

Love, care and comfort...

Peppy xoxo

[monkey_magic]

Hi Grandy & everyone,

I'm very disappointed that AD's that cause ringing in the ears are allowed on the market! Read Lee's experience too and that's terrifying. Meds are supposed to help not harm- so they say. Still can't help but feel it's a con job for the pharmaceutical companies to make money... On the other side they seem to have helped/ saved ppl too so I dunno.

I'd be so angry if I had ringing in my ears from antidepressant medication. I still have marks on my upper arms from where I was injected with drugs without a choice in the hospitals I was at....

It's a controversial topic.

The world terribly needs ppl like you Grandy. It makes such a difference to someone else's life to know someone else feels what they feel. It's a special gift. You are a special gift.

I'm the same when it comes to cleaning. Better things I'd rather be doing. Whoa, if my partner expected everything in its place or else I'd get into trouble, or expected me to clean like a slave I'd start throwing things at him lol. I understand your ex husband was a scary abuser and I'm so glad u no longer have to obey his commands- so wrong Grandy! It makes me happy that u have control and choice and freedom now. Win!

Well done with the French/ tube knitting. I'm sure the results will be a delight. Hope the day is OK for you champion Grandy...

I'm visualising your doggies ATM so cute 🙂

MM x

[Ggrand]

hello Peppy, Magic and all,

Peppy...I’m so very sorry if I gave you wrong impression...I, we cannot save anyone, I never meant that in anyway...I’m sorry, I am no one that even considers saving people....Who am I anyway......Geesh I cannot even look after me properly..I am just a little insignificant speck in this world that cares for people and I want to give people the love and care that I never experienced, never received....Everyone should have love and care in their life,........

even if it is only felt through these forums....I have no one here in r/l......

Magic....Thank you, I will bbl......

Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi dear Grandy,

I’m really sorry, that was my bad. It seems maybe I’m the one who has misunderstood. I’m sorry if I accidentally upset you...

I was just worried you were taking on everyone else’s problems because I thought maybe you felt a sense of responsibility (so for speak) for other people’s personal problems and pain. So I was just trying to gently urge you that comforting and supporting was (is) more than enough....

But now I understand you a little better. Thank you so much for explaining, and there’s no need to apologise to me. You have nothing to be sorry for...

I know you have a lot of love to give and I see now that part of it is you wanting to give to others what you never received.

Now, I know you may feel insignificant but to us, you matter. To us, your friends here, you are significant....very much so...and we care a great deal about you.

Love and care,

Peppy xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Peppy,

Please don’t apologise, certainly you are not bad, please don’t say you are, your always gentle and kind......It’s okay...Thank you for explaining what you meant..

love and hugs..

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey darlin always 👀 and k ow I never stop loving caring and appreciate you so much 💑💜

Sorry forgot to mention I remember or actually maybe it was young Starts that was at one stage doing some french knitting. Good on you. Did some of that as a kid.

Hope that awful noise goes in your ears, it'd be annoying.

Hope you're feeling at least a bit better, and you're getting more sleep.

Sorry haven't been here much for you lately.

Will get back more to you at mine in response and yes was wondering too ? Ptsd and probs was some mania too before doing things cause nothings moving atm as per.

Love and care so very much beautiful lady.

Pubok too

💗⚘🤝🕊