Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Thank you for your kind words, love and care..

I have learnt a hard lesson this week and one that I don't think I ever will forget...I will in future wait like Tony wk. told me to..but sometimes it's hard, i can be very impulsive sometimes, just think on something then do it..like the time I wanted to go to the beach, I just put my dogs in the car and went,,with nothing..trying really hard to get my impulsiveness under control...

Good people hurt, I held everything in before, I think that good people hurt deeper I think if someone we care about and know they care for us the hurt goes deep....Deebi, please try to talk about what's hurting you it will might help you different ideas and suggestions might be of help to you to work through it..🕊..

Deebi.., you articulate good, I wish you could see that..I understand you and I'm sure everyone does, so please don't be so hard on yourself 😢 ..Please don't be sorry to me ever, Deebi, I'm no-one that anyone should be sorry too..., You have nothing to be sorry about.....talking about you here is good, that's what these are for..Deebi, Please don't feel obliged to write here..I know what I said earlier and it was Truth. but my bad, selfish.....I'm okay Deebi, love you and hearing from you, but others need help more then I do...
Deebi, I wish I could take away your pain...to many good people are hurting to much..
We can get the better of beasty , one day Deebi, we just got to keep trying...

Oh Deebi, my page the same..the reply button is covering the signature bit...must be a BB gremlin, hiding somewhere...Love you very much..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🦄....


Couldn't fit both answers to your posts in one reply, another reply later Deebi... Headache I think not enough sleep is causing it, or anxiety...im not sure I have nothing here to help me sleep, but I'm going to try to sleep again now.. Grandy...xx

[demonblaster]

You're such a caring lady. Hun I'm going back to sleep too soon Thanks for your concern I was foolish being up so late, didnt intend too it just happened.

Will bbl to reply. Hope you can get some quality sleep lovey 🤗🕊

Nigh nite. 💜💑

[Ggrand]

Dearest lovely Deebi,

Your post arrived this morning around 1.30am..it came at a time I needed it..I was trying to settle myself from a triggering thunderstorm..
Deebi, My fur buddies loved the little cubby house and they want to give you kisses..😝😝My doggies love you very much ..

Deebi....This time I'll let you know it has been really relentless over this week Yesterday as you say, beasty was/is really "slamming" me..I had enough, thoughts started a few days now..I can't stop them..I rang the mental health emergency number they never answered....felt rejected again..The mental pain unbearable at times...I went and sat on my veranda and just stayed their, I think I fell asleep, I'm not sure, but my phone started ringing it was my brother, he rang me for help..I so much needed his help...he was feeling down, I didn't tell him how I was. He needed to talk I listened..

I think being off the meds is making me worse..I have another 2 weeks before I see anyone..psychiatrist on the 9/9. Sorry it's taken me all day to do this..i do a bit in notes then have a 😭 break...then come back...so very hard to think away from inside myself with beasty..

Thank you for putting memory emoji down. I looked at each one and thought about our time with it...😚. Deebi, You're are a huge reason..My forum family, I don't deserve them, but I love and care for them all..their all special people ..

Deebi, sweetheart you help me all the time..I do love you and trust you, and listen to what you say to me always... I'm also a little like you, I'm always afraid that you will tire of me, I'm a boring person I know that.....Please don't you change..Deebi, Thankyou for the quick 🛴....my slipper broach is my most treasured possession..

I have copied the blue dotty part of your post and put with the other one I have...Deebi I should be caring for you and others, not this way around...I don't like being a burden to anyone...that's why I don't say how I am...but this time was too much for me..beasty really got inside my head this time....

True Deebi every second is our past and our future...
L💜vE. Y😘U..very much..

Love and hugs everyone.....👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy👼🦄💜...


xxxxxxxxxx

[demonblaster]

Thanks for your honesty, yip it does feel like rejection doesn't it. Can you try again lovey you need someone professional in these times and know we're always here too. How awful you going through so much pain. I'll be at yours tonight. Grandy I know how deep you're in hun you'll be looking back on this so please hold on. Try and sleep more and eat. Hope your headaches settled. Cold towel hun. How's bursitis and your aching. How terrible hope it can be fixed. So wrong how it came about.

Hope you got some rest after your brother rang. Glad you have him. Hard isnt it when struggling to hear others hards. Get that a lot in downs.

Won't say exactly what I want about him but what a cruel sadistic person. Power game making you feel safe with him while keeping you scared. 🤗Grandy I'm so very sorry you've gone through such a terrible undeserving life and I know only parts. You have the opposite here 💜

Grandy the 9th will come quickly, your body and mind need time to adjust to change, your sleeps up whoop creek and you're hurting hard. I'm with you Grandy please don't be frightened there's many here with you. That life's gone now and somehow we'll figure out how to let go

Love you 🤗💜🤝👀💗 I won't tire of you.

Thanks, it's everything beasty has to throw or makes up stuff. Got 3 and half ish sarvo sleep & earliesh tonight. Don't know what to say. Separation hurts like hell. Trusts affected. I know why but hate it! shouldnt be. Hundreds other things, it's relentless but slight easier after sleep.

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[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful Grandy (and a wave to all),

Feeling rejected can be such a horrible emotion. I think it can make us ask a lot of questions and prompt considerable self doubt...a gentle hug and a reassuring hand on your shoulder from me. Hopefully after your appointment with your psychiatrist, you’ll have your meds reviewed and maybe you will start feeling a little better.

Your friendship with DB has always been very special; kindred spirits whose friendship and affection runs deep. I think it’s inspiring and moving how you help hold each other up during tough times.

Leaving a morning treat of warm apple pie and hot tea 🙂

Much love and care,

Peppy xoxo

[Guest8901]

Dear Grandy

I can see that you've had another very difficult night. Saw you in the Cafe, the Depression thread and also my thread. Sorry I wasnt around earlier when you needed some company. I finally drifted off to sleep in the early hours of the morning.

Its now 7am though, and I am here now, should you still be in need of company. I will just sit here quietly.

Amanda. 💕

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Pepper, Amanda and all.

Amanda..Thank you so much for being here this morning...I go to bed really tired, put on some meditation , then relaxing music, but nothing is helping to quieten the beast [IT]s xx at its loudest at night..I was awake all night, listening to vids, counting backwards, naming objects..I ended up getting up around 1am and sat outside rugged up with a cuppa, and played games on my iPad...

Peppy...Rejection is something that's not new to me, but the hurt it brings us is so very painful..Thank you for your hug and hand on my shoulder, Your so very gentle and kind, Peppy...Apple pie and a cuppa..yummy..


Deebi.....Thank you for your care...I thought to ring again last night, but didn't maybe someone needs them more then me...I got a couple of hours, nights the worse, beasty yells at me loud and clear what he wants from me, but no...

I know that I will have to live with these bad memories and triggers but it's really very hard to accept I don't want to accept that this will be my life..I wish I knew how to let go of my past life and be even normal...I will settle for not happy/neutral.....I just don't want no more of this hurting anymore..I don't know how much longer I can handle it..😢..
Psychiatrist on the 9th, not good....because the 10th...is the anniversary of hubby passing...Psychiatrist knows this I told him I didn't want to have appointment on that day, because to close, but said he wants to see how I'm coping...sigh not good.... I need to be really strong on the 9th...


Love you Deebi, 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦄👼🤗🌹💜...oh..oh...oh...💼..I forgot..I bought you a pendant . 💫🌜🌛..Stars ✨because your a star in my life and many others...and also the left 🌜....half of the moon....I have the right 🌛...side of the moon...in times of deep sadness or doubt they link together for added strength, love and care...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🦄👼...hugs for who needs them..
Xxxxxxxxxx

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 🤗

It is very hard at night and times when we just have us and our heads isn't it. Good on you doing distractions which at least give the brain a rest for even short periods which it needs to break the constants. I'm so sorry you're in such bad shape. I wish I could be there for you but I am here and you're always strong in my thoughts with deep appreciation and love I assure you 🦄 lady.

Sweety I think what we need to do is believe there's hope for a future of peace and happiness, if this rot can plant itself in our brains, we can weed it too in time with practice. There are times when it seems futile but that's IT convincing us, we need to learn not to believe it somehow 💗

Darlin can GP give you some sleepers although not a good idea if you're having thoughts (are you still?) but maybe give you a couple. It's worse hell when tiredness has play. Wish you'd get some good 😴

Please be ok Grandy, you mean the world truth. You're a true survivor. Want to see you happy and free of beasties grip.

You're beautiful feeling others need them more but so do you hun, please try again when you're up to it, it's an out for you. Poor darling 🤗

Let's 🤝 snuggle under blanky/heater and squiz at your outstanding ✨ and your gorgeous 🐶 🐕 can sit with us sharing the love 💜💑💗 here's a just right warming hot choccy and some yum 🍰 and we could sip a 🍷 in peaceful companionship.

You're a gift Grandy 😚☺

🦄

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[demonblaster]

Ohh sorry Grandy 🤗 I didnt thank you for the gorgeous pendant, I love it and completely forgot to say you dear thing and oh..oh..there it was in your 💼😆 you make me smile ya sweetheart I've got it on and like my other jewellery it'll stay on unless an MRI yip they all come off 😅 reluctantly tho. Did you see the moons are joined. What a great pressy, you're a gem darlin.

I was preoccupied so sorry.

Hope you're warm and sleep well sweet friend. Nigh nite 🌜😚🌛💑💜

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[demonblaster]

Oh..oh...just 🛴 back to give you what I found in your 💼... forgot to leave it before.

It's a 🦄... ☁️ pillow, it's actually a shimmering Golden colour very soothing. If you look closely 🔎there's a tinsy winsey Purple heart embroidered in the top R) corner and if you look even closer 🔭 you'll see a little widdle tiny button in the shape of a 🌟. Just touch that and behold 😲 the room fills with holographic stars ✨oh Grandy the peace you feel. Now for it's next trick...when you rest your wary head on it.. ohhh the sensation of the most glorious warm head massage you've ever known, you feel your neck completely relaxing and a delightful soft aroma of lavender fills the room. Your little 🐶 🐕 want a piece of the action and settle in either side of you in their special little fur pillows. You're in a 🦄 spell now comfy happy and in complete peace...sleep now my darling friend...gently brushing your hair off your face, there you go sweety nice and comfy... only sweet dreams and purity fill your soul with light and love in every breath.

You're free safe and very loved.

Nigh nite darling, I'm asleep on the floor cause the beanbag burst. 🤤🙃

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