Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello lovely Deebi. Peppy and all.

Oh Deebi, 😁😂, I laughed so much when you tried to help me up, but 😂 you joined me on the floor, and my dogs 🐶🐶, gave you a slobbery face wash.😂, They love just as much as I do.. 😻😻(oh they my dogs, they have a kitty costume on ) 😱... Hear Ye 📣hear Ye 📣.....Deebi is not only Nurse of the year but has now being awarded friend 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 of the year......your achieving 🏆🏅 medals everywhere, your collection is growing 🤔 hmmm, I will have to get you a board so you can pin them on..😊😅..maybe I can find something in.....🥁🎺my.. 💼....lets have a look...um.🤔...here we go...🔲..we can pin them here..My ankle is good Deebi, ready to have a hopping 🐸race 🏁 if your up to it..

The mattress is so heavy to even get of my bed..its okay . I've been awake 😵nearly all night, so I'm going to sit up all day and then tonight ✨✨when I feel my 👀 droopy, like I can't keep them open, I'm going to just get into my bed 🛏 and stay their, maybe a dozen glasses of Tia Marie 🥃before will help...Oh...Oh...Oh..look..what..I found...🛒.

Mrs Arm...lol..yes she was nice when I had the shop, but was one who was a little upset with me, She wasn't nasty to me like others.but not friendly either..😢, She lives alone, although her son and dil live only 4 houses away from her, she is never alone...
I'm happy to hear your doing some self care, because I believe that helps us the most...
The next part of your post brought tears 😢 to my eyes, it was beautiful, 😍thank you very much..L o v e 🦄 Y o u...

You are really a very special gift sent to me from the universe..I will be forever in your debt for the kindness, love, and friendship you have given me..Thank you from the deepest part of my gratitude, heart and soul..✨😍💜🌹..
Thank you everyone, I'm so very lucky to have you all here, talking to me, helping me, being great caring and compassionate friends....I can't say it enough, how thankful I am for everyone here...Oops just a bit emotional 😢..strange how someone's care can make the tears fall..🌹💜🤗..

Love you big time sweet Deebi, 🌹

Love and care to everyone here, or not here,moustache reading...💜🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜Grandy...xx

[Ggrand]

Hello everyone,

😂😁,oh really,,😂. I should proof read at least twice..🤣😂😅😆 , I can't stop laughing,,.moustache reading, 🤣😂😅😃🙃😜..How did auto correct get moustache out of "everyone".. I have no idea...it should have read..

Love and care to everyone here, or not here, reading as well.😜🤣😂😂☺️🤗...

Grandy..

[chrissy1]

Hello Karen

i have been with u all the way. Always thinking of u. Each day is such a struggle, I know. Can only do one day at a time. It’s so good u have ur dogs, I know what that feels like I have a little news on my thread ok. So please don’t be too hard on ur self.

take care💕

chrissy1

[Ggrand]

Hello Peppy, Chrissy, Deebi..and everyone...

Peppy Thankyou for your kind and caring post.

I have missed out on my childhood, teenage years, marriage life..they never belonged to me..Now my life is mine geez, I should be jumping for joy, but it's hard to explain, I still feel like I'm owned, like I should be reporting to someone, given things to do...kind of, and everything I'm doing now is like I'm not allowed, I shouldn't be doing it or anything....I should be doing things for other people not me.....Its just to hard to put into words..,I'm totally lost, confused, flat, no joy, happiness, self satisfaction, just flat for years.....Idk I'm trying so hard to find out who I am, what I like to do..but something keeps stopping me...

I realised something the other day..I don't want to do anything for me, I never have before or never wanted to before...I think because I was never allowed to do anything for me before in my life.....now it just feels so wrong for me to do things for me..

I will cook another cake for Monday and darts, and I might even cook one every week for them....Thank you Peppy for your suggestion...My bursitis can get extremely painful, but I've learned different ways of dealing with it, mostly without meds, which is good...

Lol Deebi, will be following you around with 🔍🔎.😊🙃..Then I will be following her around in case she drops some... Chocolate does silly 😜 things to us...

Chrissy....Thank you for calling in and saying hello, I read your thread and your news..I'm very happy for you that you have a volunteer now...and I hope your jigsaw puzzle is getting slowly done...Well done..🎈🌺🌟..

Amanda...I really hope you're okay, 😳 I'm really getting concerned about you.💜..

Deebi....Please be okay....look after yourself the best you can please....Love you very much...💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦄..

i hope you all enjoy your weekend..🎉🌟.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy....xx

[Guest_1584]

Hiya grandy.

Sorry to hear your going through the crapola again.

But it really worries me when you say your trying so hard to find out who you are again and things like that. l don't believe we can try that hard to do something like that or that it's something we can force . And l believe trying to not only actually blocks it but def' brings in even more anxiety .

Do you think you could just allow your self to chill out a bit with all that stuff for awhile, just be and live grandy , it's all in there with us all, it just needs time . Just a suggestion .

The Indians have a saying in this sorta stuff, inner peace, finding ourselves, if you chase it it runs away . And to me that pretty well sums it up.

Anyway , hang in there , and go easy on grandy eh.

rx

[Ggrand]

Hello Randomx,

Im fine, just thinking about different things, I shouldn't but sometimes the mind wanders.. I'm okay 😌,

I had it in mind to make some cushion covers for the lounge, the sewing machine has been waiting on the table since I last tried to make them over 4 months ago...I decided to do them yesterday...I done them took a few hours, then I put them on my new cushion inserts, I bought from bunnies the bigger cushions, not the usual size...Ok I put them on, and yeah felt nothing, no self satisfaction, no joy in thinking I done them, I was flat...so how do I feel about making them, nothing, flat.Why didn't I have a sense of satisfaction of achievement? Makes you not want to do anything again...Years ago I would have been thrilled to have made them.. yesterday..nothing at all.... feels the same when I do anything..I don't know why..

Today looks nice, I might sit outside in the sun for an hour or so soon,

RX, I tried to chill out Kind off thing and not think at all about that stuff, not think about anything but , all led to was me staying on the lounge until I had my volunteer day, then back on the lounge,,,I have to find out something that I like to do....that is grandy, or I'll end up spending the rest of my days either in bed or on the lounge... or sitting on my veranda.....

I like the Indian saying RX....

I hope everyone has a good day..😊..

I hope everyone's day is a good day today..🤗🤗 hugs..

Deebi, I hope your okay,,,love you 💜🦄, special friend..

🤗 and kind thoughts,

Grandy..

[smallwolf]

Grandy,

More of a prompt for me than you... I can understand your lack of satisfaction as I am the same with puzzles. Just waiting for wife at shops. When I get home will reply in more detail and some ideas?

Tim

Remember to be kind to yourself. Have patience and gentleness to yourself.

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy and all

Great post 29th 😂😁 face has never felt so clean please thank your fur buddies plz.

Hope your ankles ok hun. Glands still giving you trouble and is the ticker ok?

If I don't see you before darts good on you with cakes, hope the snootie club behave and treat you with respect. Maybe Ms Nice at darts might have a coffee?

Thanks for your concern. 🙂 I'm ok lovey kinda, just over it Grandy 😐 Shortened the mania so maybe the hards won't be so intense. Wasnt going to but going bed. Bit neutral and numb at times ☺😚

Night darl thank you, love you 💜🤗 we need a lot I reckon so they're the whoppers. Oh 🛒 😅 so that's where it was. 👀and 👀 couldnt find it but now I know why. Mental note, install camera in 👜 that's a replacement while stairs been installed in your other bag that I can't find now

love darl ☺💜💑

I'll add the medals to the wall of fame 😄

[Speak Your Truth]

Hi Grandy

Im disappointed for you that making your new cushion covers didn’t give you any pleasure or sense of satisfaction, but you made the effort so that’s a good thing. Can you give yourself a little pat on the back for that ? You do deserve it.

I’ve got various things I could be doing and don’t do too so I understand. But I do know that what I really want is more people in my life, either as people to get to know or just even being around people I don’t know in a public place, and I am making the effort to do that. As I build up that part of my life slowly other things will start to be possible.

I think it’s probably company of people you care about and who care about you too is what you want. In your little town there must be some nice people who would be a friend to you, but you need to open your heart a little to let them in. Some people hurt you before but shutting all of them out is not fair on you or them.

You want your life to be better - you don’t want to be in bed or on the lounge for the rest of your life - so can you be a little bit brave and try something new ? Could you go for a walk in your town and just smile, and maybe say ‘hello’ too, to someone who looks like they have a kind face. Could you contact the lady who took your arm at the Biggest Morning Tea - I’m sure she was being friendly? It may be that there are one or two or a few other people in your town who are lonely too. You might get a nice surprise and it could make a very big difference for you. But if you don’t get a nice surprise, then try again another day with a different person. If you give up you get nowhere Grandy.

For any of us who are struggling with MH we all need to accept that if our lives are going to change, the change must come from inside of us because nobody can do it for us. The way we think makes a huge difference to who and what we are and the effect on our lives every day is enormous. There is a saying by Buddha that says “The mind is everything. What you think you become.”

Randomx quoted an Indian saying that says “if you chase it it runs away”. But for just about every quote there is another that says the opposite ... such as this one “As long as you keep searching the answers will come”

So Grandy here’s another quote that I found for you ..... “It’s never too late to start again. If you weren’t happy with yesterday try something different today. Don’t stay stuck.”

With much love to you Grandy 💗😍🤗

[Guest_1584]

haha yeah , l know it.

Yep too right, hate using any quotes and rarely do . There's always another, it's only about what you believe and what suits you.

For me though , funny you should mention searching , l know a lot about searching we traveled 13 1/2 yrs. , only to discover later the answer was at home anyway all along, but hey that was us..For somebody else though their answer might've been where we went searching right.

Can't bloody win.

rx