Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirky, Deebi and everyone,

Thank you for thing of me..Quirky I have amazing supporters here..I feel humbled by them all..they are all so special as you and everyone is..

Deebi... I really want to thank you from the deepest part of my heart for the beautiful post you wrote me...and I did do as you suggested, I wrote my feelings out, and it brought back the fun times here with you..thank you so very much...my other post isn't the best, because your post touched me and brought me to tears with your care..💜🌹..

Love you very much..Deebi..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜Grandy..

ps..part 1 of 3 of you special gift should be delivered to yours sometime tonight..🦄💜..

[demonblaster]

Heya amazing Grandy & groupies 😄

Sweet lady I'm SO glad that helped and wait for it... holding your breath?...🥁... I DID ANOTHER ONE TOOOOO...and the crowd roared...😲..it's a whopper. No:1 task done. Go da mania 👍👌👆✌

Grandy I understand completely if you don't want to talk about it. I haven't asked because I figure if you want to you will but know I'll/we'll never judge you. Your deserving of true friends here. If you do want to disclose we're here anytime with love and support honey 🤗😙

I admire what you won't accept as truth your courage and determination, you're willing to try anything. You're an inspiration and I'm proud to call you a close very loved friend ⚘

Yeah bit 😶 embarrassing, I would have made it in .25 seconds but that beasty blade of grass got sucked up in the 🎄 weetbix oil, started to splutter, bit of a wobble 😨 life jackett blew up like a puffer fish 😲 not quite the 😎 look I was going for but hey I recovered with dignity in tact 😁 minus several heart beats

Ahhhhaaa can't wait for pressy me lady 😀 and as it happens I have one in the making for you but I'll wait till yours 🛬lands 😃. I'm making a little something for dear Starts actually too she's overdue and in need of an Aunty Deebi treat or two

Soo self care hitting sack soon with a 💣for sleep. Tried sarvo no go.

You dear thing I just want to put my arms around you and keep you safe. You reach heart strings, any snooties upset my Grandy ...😤...let's just say the darts might hit the wrong target 🎯 and they may need the bandaid on the unmentionables and a doughnut to sit on. 😁 They clearly are poor judges of character, you're class, they're... beep.

Ok sweets.. it's project shoo shoo choof. Here beasty bite this LOVE 💣and there's your desert 🔫.. 😂 .." the right way around" 🤣

You got this hun and we're right here 🤝

Love ya long time Grandy. You mean the 🌏...

💜💚💑🌹

Nigh night good people. Sweet dreams 🙌

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Grandy (and all),

The trigger sounds horrendous and it has had such an enormous effect on you. I really feel for you...

I’m glad you’re so determined to one day say no. Saying no to the awful jobs would be a wonderful start. It’s not fair that you always get those jobs...one day, you’ll say no.

Oh Grandy, I somehow doubt your dear DB will tire of you. The 2 of you have a beautiful friendship; it’s an unbreakable bond.

Also, I think you write beautifully. I have never noticed what you mean by your “limited” vocabulary...maybe that’s just Beasty talking again 😉

Maybe you just needed a rest day from darts yesterday and that’s okay. We need those sometimes...

Your beautiful lavender pillowcase sounds gorgeous. I wonder if it’s scented? In any case, I’m leaving you a bunch of dried lavender to put on your pillows.

Also, it’s time to replenish your picnic basket. Let’s see what I have...assorted sandwiches, chips, crackers and veggie sticks with dip, jam doughnuts, blueberry muffins, chocolate muffins, thermos of tea/coffee/chocolate and lots of choccies bars (they will keep DB happy lol).

Love and care, as always...

Pepper xoxo

[Guest8901]

Hi dear Karen,

Yes I understand about you not going to darts yesterday. Sometimes its just too much. Hopefully you'll feel more able to withstand the barbs of the 'uppities' next time. Did you end up doing anything yesterday instead? And are you at work today? I hope that goes well.

I know what you mean about triggers. I've just come through another one myself. Sometimes they are so obscure, so unexpected. Our minds do strange things to us sometimes. For me the latest trigger contributed to me feeling completely alone and vulnerable. There are a few other things happening too which also contribute to that feeling. I need to push through it, but finding things very difficult at present.

How are your little furbabies? My Charli has been enjoying the lovely warm sunshine in the mornings. She asks to go outside in the sun as soon as the sun shines through. She has her own little bed out there on the deck (her sun lounge) and soaks up the warmth. From her spot she has a very good vantage point to see everything thats going on around. But as soon as the sun disappears behind a cloud, she comes to the door to ask to come back inside in the warmth. Then she sits on my lap and feels all soft and warm. She's a real little softie.

Okay, not much to say today. Still feeling like I've been kicked in the guts, and with all the wind knocked out of me. I will return again soon hopefully. This week has to be better than last. For all of us, aye?

Hey Deebs - loved your 'pleasure list' you provided for Karen. Hi also to Pepper, Tess, Speak your Truth, RandomX and Tim. 🌹 🦋 🤗

Amanda 💜

[startingnew]

Hi lovley Grandy

Im sorry i havent been here for you as much. Ive tried to catch up on all the pages but there was quite alot. I can see its been a tough time for you though.

Idont have much to add to what everyone has already said but mainly wanted you to know that im here for you too

Big hugs ❤🌼💝🌷

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Amanda, Pepper. Starts. And everyone else..

Amanda..? I'm sorry to say I stayed laying on the lounge most of the day.... It's hard to explain, but if I do anything, knitting, colouring in, games etc..I always ask myself, why ? what for?....I just don't get any enjoyment, happiness, satisfaction no sense of achievement, Theirs no one here to push me anymore, or to say nice job etc..I have no self discipline at all. I'll start something get bored after ten minutes then put it away for another day......

Yeah, I can't, don't know how to stop the tremor memories after the earthquake memory that took me down...Sleeping in the lounge room is not ideal either, but I suppose what we can to get over things....

My fur buddies, also loves the morning sun..I usually sit out front in the mornings, they sit with me..there favourite spot, is on the top on the back of the lounge on the veranda, they are there for a few hours at times...

Amanda, sweetheart, try to distract your thoughts as much as you can..music, meditation, sing a song out loud, write a story about Charli..just try to keep your mind busy....

I hope you sleep good tonight....

Love and care..xx🤗🤗🦋..

Grandy...xxx

[Ggrand]

Hello Peppy and Starts...

Starts..Please, never be sorry about not posting here...especially when your feeling so low...I know you care and will when your feeling better pop in tho say hello...Rest your little butterfly Wings sweetheart, until you feel better and you can spread out your wings and draw in the light and capture it into your soul to radiate your heart and get on top of everything...

Peppy...No it's not fair that I get the horrible jobs at work, I know when I should say no..I go to say it but yes comes out instead..😔, one day Peppy...

My words are simple words, sometimes I read threads and don't understand the words I read, sometimes I'm supporting others talking to others, then someone else posts with big words and talks like I don't understand what there saying, but the other person does, then I can't post anymore on there thread because I feel so inadequate and silly about what I posted...

Thank you very much for replenishing our picnic basket..all yummy things in there, 😂🤣..Deebi will love the chocolate, but because I got to them first I'm going to jumped on my 🚜..and hide them in our campfire 🔥 camping grounds for a chocolate hunt.....I just hope the wild animals 🐰🐹🐣🐥🦉🦋🐝🐛🐞.....don't eat them all up 🤣😱.....shhhh shhhh..I left Deebi a couple..

I hope you all sleep good tonight and you have a great day tomorrow...

Love and care 🤗🤗🤗 big comfy hugs for everyone...

Grandy....xx

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovely Deebi,

Oh mania is good, but try if you can to keep it as low as possible, while enjoying it..😂😅🤣🙃..Makes the head clear, mind ticks over all the time and things get done....

I went to work, new guy hasn't started yet..I had an appointment this morning with mhn but I didn't go..She rang me and asked me to see her, so I took an hour off work to see her...Psychiatrist from Sydney will be here next week...an appointment was made for next Thursday..She done it quickly because I told her, I'm going off the meds..they are not working, Ive been telling them all since January they weren't working..they didn't listen....they are putting weight on me..and I want off them..

Lol I love the 🎯 missing the board but getting a bullseye 🎯 somewhere else..lol 🤣😂..I really laughed out loud..thank you.. Oh Deebi, your so full of wonderful Magic....puffer fish, 😱...I'll have to get my ⛓🔨🛠🔧⛏⚒ out and have a look at it for you..👩‍⚕️...I'll fix it Good this time, i pwoomise...maybe your scooter needed some cough meds with all that spluttering etc...

Im going to have a shower and lay down soon, maybe sleep early, not sure yet..

I so much hope your headache will be gone tomorrow. Sleep well my special friend...Love you very much...💜🌹🦄👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.....Always here for you...and others if I can be ...Take care Good Night Everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹💜 Grandy....

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Pepper, Starts,

Have posted to you , Not landed yet..

Grandy...xxx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful Grandy (and a warm wave to all),

Firstly, one very big hug coming right up (DB has taught me well)...

I think that I get what you’re saying (maybe). I feel so much of your life has been taking direction and putting others’ needs/wants above your own that now you have more freedom...maybe you’re not sure what to do sometimes...you sound a little lost.

I feel maybe you’re learning to do things for you (as opposed to doing things for others). So I was thinking maybe just take small steps. Perhaps you could try to pick something you really love to do/purely for your enjoyment and tell yourself, you’ll do it for 5 minutes each day. It’s just a gentle suggestion...the idea behind it is to start doing things for yourself rather than for others...

Oh Grandy, I feel there’s absolutely nothing wrong with your words. They’re not too “simple” as you put it.

Your words are perfect in my view. Perfect because your words come from the heart. I think that’s the single most important attribute: speaking from the heart.

Personally, I don’t think we’re really here to show off our intellectual prowess but to show caring and compassion. In my opinion, that’s the main thing that really matters when it comes down to it...and you have both in spades ❤️

You write beautifully because there’s a real warmth, compassion and understanding behind your words. If it reassures you a little, I feel almost everyone has been confused or misunderstood posts/words before so you’re not alone in that respect...I’ve certainly had my confused moments 😉

Also, I think you’re smart to try to get to the choccies bars before DB. She has a real weakness for chocolate. Lol.

How about I refill your picnic basket with cupcakes, croissants, fruit salad, crackers with cheese, lamingtons, cookies, chips and the usual thermos of tea/coffee/hot chocolate. Plus a handful of choccie bars...try to hide a few away before DB sees 😉

Love and care,

Pepper xoxo