Alone..Depressed..Sad..

Ggrand · ‎05-08-2017

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

Ggrand · ‎05-09-2017

Hi Neil.

Today was an ok day...

Managed to get to work, and only myself and one other girl there. I'm out back sorting on my own, the other girl in shop serving. Was a not so bad day I didn't have to listen to the chatter of talking.(which messes with my mind).

My neighbour Nancy told me off the day after I moved in because my dogs got into her backyard and was chasing her chickens around. I had to make my fence dog proof which I did. I am a bit afraid to say anything to her since. I am hopeless talking to people face to face I never know what to say and my mind wanders when they talk it's like I'm not interested in what they say and i want to be not there talking to them..awful me i know.

Overall I had a fairly ok day..I got home and brushed my dogs and was determined not to go to bed for at least an hour which I did..

Karen..

Neil_1 · ‎06-09-2017

Oh boy Karen, I hear you as well with that. The listening aspect can sometimes be very hard.

I am pleased to hear that you had an ok day though.

Hmmm, maybe just a friendly wave to her, just to test the water? You know, if you can find even one person to be able to have a chat too, something like this may help.

I'm not sure how helpful I'm being, but hey, I'm here and I'm listening ... well, not listening, but reading, you know what I mean. 🙂 Keep writing.

Ggrand · ‎07-09-2017

Hello Neil..

You have been incredibly helpful and I do try your suggestions..

I will wave to my neighbour next time I see her..I hope she responds because I don't handle rejection very well. But it's worth a try.

Do you when laying in bed make plans for the next day and really are determined to do them, only to wake the next day and say blah and couldn't be bothered as your interest has left you.

Stay well Neil and take care.

s

Neil_1 · ‎08-09-2017

Hi there Karen,

Always great hearing back from you.

Not sure where you’re located in our wonderful country, but I hope wherever you are, the sun is shining today and I really hope that you have an awesome weekend. Well, as awesome as it can be for how things are at the moment. Hopefully there IS sunshine and we can feel a little warmth coming through – I mean, it is spring-time after all.

Yes, that’s a great idea … just try the old friendly wave. And if she doesn’t perhaps she’s got bad eyesight and simply didn’t see you. Small attempt at lame humour there.

I’ve been through that phase, yes. Or even planning during the day for something and then when it comes to the time, those plans go out the window. But when I’ve put it off and off, I get to the stage where I just say to myself that today IS the day and commit to doing it. It’s the starting is the hard part. Thinking of doing it is oh so easy, but the actual commencing of it. Just see, if you can try to get it going, and all depends on what it is, but whether you can do it for just a short time. Doing something different is better than nothing.

It’s that old procrastination thing … where I work, I was put in to go on a course for help with procrastination … but I couldn’t decide if I should go or not. Sorry, that’s an even lamer attempt at humour.

Neil

Ggrand · ‎13-09-2017

Hello Neil.

It was a hard and long phone last night to my eldest son.. He woke me up to things I have been denying for so many years..I won't rewrite it but you can read it all on my other thread if it gets posted.

I have been trying to live a fantasy life that has finally caught up with me.

My life has been and always will be messed up.

There is no one out here to help me get through any of this and I just feel that there is a big brick wall in front of me that's stopping me from ever living a normal life.

I have resigned myself to this now.

Thanks kindly Neil.

Twixbar · ‎13-09-2017

Hi!
I have never used one of these forums before - I dont really know what to say. I have had depression, anxiety and other disorders in the past but this time it is different, it is more, it is more draining and more painful with every day. I feel so lonely and isolated and I don't know how to motivate myself anymore. I'm going into a career which down plays mental health, pretends it doesnt exist or says this is just what the career is. I don't know if I can do it but at the same time, know its the only way I can make a difference in this world.

I want so badly to feel again - feel anything but pain. I want to remember what its like not to count the minutes to the weekend where I can lay in bed all day.

I cannot discuss this with my family - they do not understand - they say I need to get over it and I cannot keep deferring deadlines. They don't understand that I don't sleep, I don't live, I am merely alive.

I know I am not alone - but I feel like it. I love reaching out to people with mental health issues and reassuring them and supporting them. But for myself, I am my own enemy. I don't tell people - I don't know how to explain it.

How do you deal with the isolation you place yourself in because you're scared no one wants to hang out with the depressed person, or no one will understand, or they will treat you differently. How do you do it?

molokai · ‎23-09-2017

Hi twixbar

this is my first post too. its 2.46am and I decided an hour ago I had to do some thing for myself, because i feel alone too. I have to get up for work in 3 hours, but there's no point in lying in bed awake.

I have surfed some forum threads looking for an appropriate spot to jump in but it seems like I'm intruding on someones elses private conversation, or that their problems are so much worse than mine, that they need the air time more than me.

I see that it's been several days since you posted, so I guess the lack of response makes you feel even more alone.

I hope you haven't tuned out of this forum due to lack of response.

Maybe you'll see this and post back.

I don't really know what my problem is. I'd say multifactorial causation depression. Too many balls in the air, no-one to tag team me, and now too many balls on the ground.

Anyway, I hope you're still hanging in there, and maybe you'll post a reply.

I feel better for posting.I'll try to get some sleep now.

Cheers!

Just Sara · ‎23-09-2017

Hi and welcome Molokai and Twixbar to our caring community!

I'm a volunteer peer supporter here on BB and want so much for you both to become part of this amazing forum. It's really unfortunate no-one has responded, as we don't usually see first time posters unless they create their own thread.

It's just lucky I found this when I did as I was on my way to bed. I really feel for both your situations and sadly regret that no-one answered your call for help Twixbar. Please, I hope you see this and return to us for support and encouragement.

Molokai...you're a beautiful soul my friend for offering help to a stranger in need. My hat's off to you as I wouldn't have dreamed of doing that my first time.

It's be really helpful if you could visit the Welcome and Orientation Section and create your own thread where others can find you. I would be honoured to engage and talk the talk with you. If I don't see you, please chase me up in the search function; just enter my username...Just Sara and my recent threads/posts will come up.

You're an intelligent and wise soul, thankyou and great to meet you;

Sez

Twixbar · ‎08-10-2017

Dearest Molokai,

I cannot describe how much your post means to me - honestly that is the most lovely thing someone has done for me. I didnt mean to post on another person's thread - admittedly, I didnt know how this worked.

Thank you for messaging me - you are truly a lovely person and I hope things are getting better for you in time.

Thank you - both of you

molokai · ‎14-10-2017

Hi Twixbar

Lovely to see you back here. I'm so glad. I haven't checked in for a few days but I can certainly vouch for the care that's offered here. The lovely people here really helped me out of a tight spot. I think getting "stuff" out of your head lets you understand things a little better. Writing things down , typing it into a post, whatever. Otherwise I think trying to make sense of our thoughts can be like shaking a sealed up box and it trying to guess whats inside. I can understand how even your closest family may not "get" what you are going through and I think why being here is so valuable. There's an ocean of compassion, empathy and personal experience here. The advice offered may not fit you exactly your circumstances, but it's given from the heart. But the metaphorical hand holding is priceless!

Sunny side up!