Alone..Depressed..Sad..

Ggrand · ‎05-08-2017

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

Neil_1 · ‎22-08-2017

Hi Karen

I'm really sorry to hear that. 😞 I thought from your original message that they phoned to cancel it cause it wasn't going ahead. That's very poor form on their behalf - almost childish - if they in fact, ended up playing anyway.

The one magical thing about fur babies ... they LOVE you unconditionally, no matter what.

And I'm always here if you wanna chat.

Neil

Ggrand · ‎25-08-2017

Hi Neil.

What happened on Monday really got to me and the sadness and rejection really has a hold on me. I feel absolutely worthless.

Really not in a good spot at the moment I have spent the last 3 days in bed. today I ventured out onto the loungeroom couch.

1 step forward 5 steps backwards I want my life back but it just seems to hard to get it back.

When will all this end if it ever does.

Im

Ggrand · ‎01-09-2017

Hi..

Please can someone explain to me what I'm supposed to do all day every day as I live alone 7 hours from my 2 sons.

Ok going back now to age 15, I met my future husband..married him at 18. I loved and cared for him full time after work of course. Along comes 2 sons. I loved and cared for them..My time was there time x 3..I just loved caring for my 3 special men..

My 2 sons got married and moved out so I still had John to care for and look after.

40 years have passed then John passed away.

over those 40 years we never spent a night apart except for our sons births. We had a great marriage and never got tired of listening to each other.

Now I am alone and each day is empty, no one to care for or look after, when either of us picked up a hobby the other would learn and we done it together. Even shopping for groceries or clothes..I have never really been on my own or even gone out on my own..Our jobs were only a few streets away so we traveled together to and from work, never gone out alone means now I cannot go out alone silly as it sounds I'm afraid to go out.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW. When and if I get out of bed I walk around inside of the house like a lost scared puppy..

This is now the beginning of the 4th year like this.

I am so desperate ...

Ggrand · ‎02-09-2017

So over the way I am...I've had enough

Pysis · ‎02-09-2017

Hi grand

I'm sorry to hear your feeling this way. Have you considered getting a dog or some kind of pet I know it's not the same as looking after your husband or sons but it will provide you with somthing that is reliant on you and will give you some company. I know it must be hard to have someone be such a big part of your life and then they aren't there anymore but sometimes we need to find our own ways of going forward and living our lives and that dosent mean we don't miss them or forget them but it just means that you are living life for you. Your husband wouldn't want you to be lonley so try and do it for him get out there met people, volenter, have fun and make a life for yourself again.

I don't know if this helps you in any way.

but I am here to talk as well as a lot of other people.

take care

nath

Possum_Magic1 · ‎02-09-2017

Hi Ggrand

Sorry to hear you are struggling. Your story reminds me so much of my parents. They were married for 50years before the Big C took my dad. A part of my mum sent with him the day he died. He was my mother's world, they lived for one another. I know your heartache and sympathise with you.

My mother did volunteer work. She worked for the Red Cross in a retail shop. She also volunteered at the local school reading to the children as well as visiting people in the respite hospital my father was in. This took my mum's mind off the loss and grief of losing her partner. It got her out of the house and kept her occupied.

Have you ever considered doing some volunteer work? It can be very rewarding. Do you have a local club that runs bingo or something social. Getting out and socialising would be of great benefit to you.

Have you spoken with your son's and let them know that you are struggling? I know I always have to push my husband to call his parents. Reach out to whoever will listen and help you through this hard time you are having.

I hope I have been of some help. Take care of yourself and continue posting to get some advice.

Possum Magic x

Ggrand · ‎03-09-2017

Hello Possum magic.

A lot of me died inside when John passed away. We did live for each other and really only needed each other's company..

I know I should be over the grieving process but it is so very hard he was simply my life and I never needed one another life outside marriage.

I do volunteer work on Tuesdays at my local vinnie's shop, it takes me all of Monday night stressing about going in. The volunteer work is a condition for new start payments so it's a must. I have missed quite a few Tuesdays. I see it as a positive thing as without this i would never go out. I have to and need to do this for myself.

I have 2 little dogs that I love heaps but over the couple of years I have been pushing them away and I know this is not fair on them. Oh i feed them and brush them daily but it is a chore now, when before it was something I enjoyed doing.

I played bingo last year every fortnight at our local hall, it's a small group around 12 players but I found I couldn't concentrate as my mind wonders and well not many numbers where dotted off. So I stopped that as well.

I go out Tuesday to Vinnie's then lock myself inside until next Tuesday..

Yesterday I was so proud of myself as I actually went outside and sat on my front veranda I lasted 5 minutes I think but it was something I done that I haven't done in years..I will try it again today. Hopefully this will let me get outside the front gate and go for a short walk in my street..well that's what I'm aiming for.

I would so love to be able to just get in my car and be able to go out, just because I feel like going out.

Sorry about my last 2 posts I was having bad thoughts and didn't really know how to stop them so I grabbed a bottle of wine and downed it and went to bed I slept them off but woke to a very bad hangover. Ouch don't think I will try that again to soon.

Thank you very much for your reply. I was at a time when I needed someone and letting my son's know of my struggle is really not an option..

Karen.

Neil_1 · ‎04-09-2017

Hi there Karen

Sorry that I haven’t been around for a couple of days … I don’t often get the opportunity on a weekend to check in.

It has been great to read others who have popped by and posted to you.

That was really awesome to hear that you were able to make it out on the veranda, even for just a short time. With Spring now here, hopefully the weather changes soon and the days will become just that little bit warmer, this could then be a very good opportunity for you to try to venture out for a walk. Also, maybe the dogs would enjoy a little walk outside as well.

I didn’t realise that you did the Vinnie’s thing … and I know exactly what you mean by saying how much it can take out of you, in stressing about it the night before.

Do you enjoy it when you’re there?? Are there regulars who go in??

Kind regards

Neil

Ggrand · ‎04-09-2017

Hi Neil.

There are 3 other ladies plus me. We sort through the donated clothes and get them ready for placing in the shop for sale..

I have been able to hide my problems from them so far. A few occasions I have had meltdowns but I hide myself from the others when this happens..

I seem to be onAuto-Pilot when I'm there just doing what I need to do.. I'm not sure about liking my work, but I don't dislike it.. I was asked once to work in the shop for a day serving..I told my boss that I was catching a cold and thought it best to select another girl...

I have been reading a lot of threads/ posts here and one of them that I read was to start getting up daily and open blinds and let the light come in.. Day #6 of doing this..

I will try to sit outside daily.I wait until my neighbour goes out so she doesn't see me..accross the road from mine is over a thousand acres of land with cows grazing. They seem to come onto the area in front of me around the 3pm time I find watching them is peaceful.. i never noticed them before.

I hope you are doing well Neil..

Karen xx

Neil_1 · ‎05-09-2017

Karen,

Do you know your neighbour very well, or at all? Does she seem like an ok person?

At this time, or maybe in the future, do you think you could stay and perhaps wave? Then from that, perhaps to say hello ... just a thought?

How are you going today?

Thank you for asking ... I'm upright and breathing, so that's gotta be a good thing, right? 🙂

Neil