Adopted son of 37 years just contacted me..I'm so scared as what to do.

[Ggrand]

Hi I have another thread but unrelated to this.

37 years ago my husband and young son (2tears old). was living in our car for around 8 months.I was pregnant at the time. My parents disowned me when I eloped with my husband. My husbands parents were strange and we never told them we were living in the car.

I gave birth to my second son while we were living in the car. My hubby contacted his father and his Godmother who both talked us into putting our baby into foster care for a few months until we got organized, as we couldn't have a baby living in the car. After I got out of hospital my father in law told us to stay with him. Then a woman from child services came to see us and said it best to adopt our baby out.I didn't want to but I had to or we were back in the car living and would loose our baby and possibly our other young son . because father in law said it was the only way we could stay with them.

My adopted son found me and contacted me on Sunday I was to shocked to answer him back until today.contact has only been through facebook messenger. I told him i will ring him tonight around 8.30pm.

I have never told my 2 other sons about him. I don't know how to tell them.Will they hate me for doing this as I have hated myself and never forgiven myself over all these years.I have thought about him over the years especially on his birthdays. I am so very scared. Hubby died 4 years ago so I have to do this on my own.

Hubby and I decided we would never try to find him as we didn't want to upset his life..I am a complete mess as what to do..Please can someone help me.

[white knight]

Hi Karen

This sounds like a relapse. That is to be expected. In fact Ive been on the lookout for it.

With relationships there is a fine line between hindering others with too often contact and losing the momentum due to not enough contact.

Of course a simple phone call from them every 6 weeks or so would help. Why dont people ring?

Its fair to assume that following last years successful meetings and unification of your sons, that there is no underlying major issues. Perhaps a little disgruntled over the surprise of it all would be normal.

I believe a few things.

• They lead busy lives
• They vision you as being far away
• They know you have emotional challenges and dont want to risk discussing them (sad as it could be)

Now, what to do? Knock on their door. Book a motel room for 1-3 nights and visit them.

I hope you are ok.

Tony WK

[Elizabeth CP]

Sorry Karen that you are feeling so down. It is hard to know what your sons are really thinking & feeling but they are adults & making their own decisions based on their own feelings at this time. You can reach out to them & try to help them see that you love them & have always loved them but they choose how to respond.

You are feeling hurt which is understandable. I can't imagine dealing with what you have. This situation may be the consequence of what happened in the past but it is not your punishment. Punishment is for people who deliberately did the wrong thing & designed to stop people repeating bad behaviour.

You acted in what you truly believed was the best way to protect your sons putting your own wishes to the side. Maybe in hindsight you may think you made poor choices but at the time you didn't have that hindsight. Keep fighting for your own mental health taking the advice & support of your health practitioners. You are in the position you are now because other people including your ex treated you badly. You deserve as much support as possible to help you dealing with your MI. You are a lovely caring person who has been treated badly &forced to make difficult decisions. One day your sons will learn to deal with their own issues & be in a position to reconnect with you in the way you deserve.

Look after yourself. Lots of us are cheering you on to get through this difficult time

[Ggrand]

Hello, Deebi, Tony Elizabeth,

I just can't see a reason anymore without my children, .I have no one else..What Good is it being healthy without someone to share it with.

[demonblaster]

That's very sad Grandy you're hurting so hard. Your hearts beautiful you don't deserve pain. You're an integral part of so many lives here

Can we be your reason

You're never alone darlin. Talk anytime

You are so precious. Love you 💜

⚘

💗

🦄

[white knight]

Her heart is beautiful DB.

I suggest you consider moving house to within 20 minutes of their place.

Just a suggestion precious.

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Tony..

Deebi..You are my reason! .💜. (L&C)..

Tony..I thought about that..but unfortunately finances won't allow me to do that..

Elizabeth..thank you for what you said.

I had a few days of letting my guard down.. I'm sorry, I should know better..

Different times of the year..yeah..well..I will work on that

Thank you all....I'll be alright....

Love,

Karen.

[demonblaster]

🦄

[monkey_magic]

Glad to hear that you will be alright Karen. You've been a great support person on my thread and to many threads. I hope you have a good day today x

[white knight]

hi Karen

I remember the first few weeks you were here. Boy, youve come a long way.

Even Knights have dips in their lives.

Remember karen- your phone is your friend.

Consider ringing each son for 10 minutes every 4 weeks.its about keeping your mind happy

Tony WK

[quirkywords]

Karen

My wish for you is one day you will feel as special to yourself as you feel to so many here on your threads. We can see so many special qualities in you and I will wait for however it long it takes for you to see just how wonderful you are. I am that patient.

Quirky