Adopted son of 37 years just contacted me..I'm so scared as what to do.

[Ggrand]

Hi I have another thread but unrelated to this.

37 years ago my husband and young son (2tears old). was living in our car for around 8 months.I was pregnant at the time. My parents disowned me when I eloped with my husband. My husbands parents were strange and we never told them we were living in the car.

I gave birth to my second son while we were living in the car. My hubby contacted his father and his Godmother who both talked us into putting our baby into foster care for a few months until we got organized, as we couldn't have a baby living in the car. After I got out of hospital my father in law told us to stay with him. Then a woman from child services came to see us and said it best to adopt our baby out.I didn't want to but I had to or we were back in the car living and would loose our baby and possibly our other young son . because father in law said it was the only way we could stay with them.

My adopted son found me and contacted me on Sunday I was to shocked to answer him back until today.contact has only been through facebook messenger. I told him i will ring him tonight around 8.30pm.

I have never told my 2 other sons about him. I don't know how to tell them.Will they hate me for doing this as I have hated myself and never forgiven myself over all these years.I have thought about him over the years especially on his birthdays. I am so very scared. Hubby died 4 years ago so I have to do this on my own.

Hubby and I decided we would never try to find him as we didn't want to upset his life..I am a complete mess as what to do..Please can someone help me.

[demonblaster]

Yes to respect yourself but I like that you didn't kick up about him pushing in, it's easier to get on with people than be fighting esp when it's strangers just being ignorant or distracted

Your respect for yourself will come in the form of you liking yourself, that you have every reason to my darlin

xx

[Ggrand]

Hello, DB,WK and everyone reading or posting.

To respect myself is to like me, that's asking the impossible off me..I can't like me because I'm ashamed of me..My respect or liking me died a long time ago..when I couldn't put a stop to my brother and husband and his so called friends. I'm really not at all able to like myself.. I'm trying to accept me, all my faults, flaws, weaknesses, damaged body, mind and soul etc. but even that's hard..

Kind thought,

(L&C).

GG.

[quirkywords]

It is interesting that you feel you can't like yourself because you are ashamed of yourself. I can relate to that.

I have something from my past that I feel guilty about and others have not forgiven me and so I can't forgive myself. Unlike you I am not brave to talk about this guilt but I have put that to one side and have tried to accept myself which I am always trying to do.

I actually I do like myself with a few exceptions.

I think people often say things that they don't mean.

I think we all have things from our past that fill us with shame or guilt but some people can make sense and move on. I struggle with guilt and the fact people I love will never forgive or forget.

GG, I salute your determination, strength and honesty qualities that I need to find more of to help me.

Kind thoughts and a hug,

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hi Quirky,

I have been trying to make sense of my life for over 3 years, there is no sense in it.

Determination, strength, can be with me one minute then it's gone, like now tears are flowing just thinking about my life..

will I always have this hurting? I really hope not,

Brave no never brave, I started posting in here out of desperation, because I didn't know what to do and all I wanted to do was run. Which would have been fair for (c).

I will post this..I was going to cancel it, because atm my anger for me is escalating, due to the simple fact that I acknowledged my thoughts. Like myself, any part of me.. No.

GG.

[white knight]

Hi Karen

If you drift away, thats fine, if you cant forgive yourself- hopefully one day you will

You have given me faith that there is living caring people in the world that are struggling but they retain that thing called hope.

Hope, in my view is something that one can live for.

You dont need much else.

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hi Tony,

Thank you for saying it's fine to drift away, and I don't need to forgive me if I can't do it now.. I hope I am able to one day,....

I really think one has to be well to forgive themselves fully.....Trying to forgive myself while I am the way I am now, just won't work, I see it as I would only forgive a part of me, the mh me, which is only a part of me...forgiving has to be 100% or it isn't being honest to oneself..?..I hope to one day. Tony..

Tony...I will hold onto hope with all my strength and not let it go no matter how hard things get for me...

Love your honesty Tony, thank you..

Kindness only.

Karen..

[quirkywords]

Karen

Sometimes things do not make sense, you need to drift away and youcan't forgive yourself yet. They all sound like a sensible plan.

I like the way you have an insight into what you do and don't need.

I still think opening up and being honest on these forum does take bravery and you have kept posting even your darkest hours. It does not matter if you were desperate you took a leap of faith and that to me takes courage. You may not see that but I am sure others would agree with me.

Take your time I am still here supporting you.

Quirky

[Birdy77]

Dear Gg,

You are courageous.

You are strong.

You are resilient.

You have endured extreme hardship, cruelty and you have survived, and have done the very best you could for your 3 boys.

You are an inspirational woman.

🌻birdy

[Ggrand]

Hi Quirky,

Thank you for staying with me...I need to release my thoughts, feeling somewhere,.. I have absolutely no-one here to talk to... Just example:. Before my son came down just after Christmas I had not seen or spoke to anyone since Vinnies shut 3 weeks earlier, he went home last Sunday, again no-one to speak to....I don't leave my home, except some Tuesdays when I can get to Vinnies, then it's a direct route there then back...

I need to talk about my darkness somewhere, I need to feel I belong somewhere in my life, need to feel something, or I know the consequences only too well.

I spent over two weeks in hospital once on a failed attempt. Everyone has to have a release..a safe place or person they can confide in...This is mine...no one knows me, where I live, etc.they know my personality, the type of person I am what I have been through, my horrid life, yes but not me...aI know your personality etc..but I don't know who or where you are..

Kind thoughts Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hi Birdy..

I'm not you know....

Im just a mum trying to right a wrong..and make it good for all concerned..

Kind thoughts GG.