A Common Story?

[smallwolf]

I was reading a couple of the other introductions earlier and could see a lot of myself in their stories. I am the generally the one that helps everyone, the one that has all the answers, the one that puts on a brave face, when underneath it is all turning to crap.

My anxiety ... future telling, finding problems that don't exist and my mind goes over and over these again and again. I know these thoughts are irrational and emotive, and yet these thought don't leave my head. I know that I am loved by family, but I just don't feel it or don't deserve it. Yin and Yang... one part of my head thinks irrationally and the other (logical side) know that it should not be the case.

With my psychologist started a happy memories session yesterday. Going through it I ended in tears. As helpful as it was, it seemed like one of the few memories in my life that seems to get overtaken by every other problem in a sea of black and those happy memories fade away. (I work from home as a software developer and have always been logical, even if a glass half empty. There is little/no thanks in the work I do anymore.)

I am tired and despondent in feeling this way. I hope that I am not complaining too much. Just want to know that I am not alone.

[smallwolf]

Had another prac today - had to use CBT and solutions focused therapy in 2 different role plays. All I can say is that I am good as a client using CBT; the solutions focused one was much better. Suffice to say that I don't feel the greatest about myself at the moment - that moment you realise you are human. I am reminded about the beauty in mistakes and possibilities for growth, but from where I sit it seems so far away. So apologies if I didn't feel up to responding to any posts today.

[CMF]

Hi Tim,

Sorry to hear you're not feeling so great. I don't have many words at the moment but hope tomorrow is a better day.

Cmf x

[smallwolf]

@CMF - so do I. I thought that if I put some cryptic (?) words to paper it might exit my mind. It is now tomorrow and still thinking it over. There are many reasons why I feel the way I do at the moment, but might leave that to my next session with my psychologist - part of it sounds like justification, some is just stupid, some elitist (?) and none of it will change what happened. Just. Have. To. Move. On.

[demonblaster]

Hey Wolfy and everyone ☺

Good seeing you Mr Wolf.
I really am sorry you're going through some hards budz.

I've heard and can imagine there'd be confronting times doing a counselling course or similar.

I think you're very clued up Wolfy.
This would be throwing situations up that could hit home harder and new dealings to get your head around but I have no doubt you will if you allow yourself time and patience and breathe through it all.

As we know the more we stress the more walls shoot up.
You're capable and will succeed in what you're doing because your good kind heart wants to help people and as mentioned you use your brain.

I think backing ourselves without self scalding if we don't perform as well as we'd like, by believing we can achieve lowers the walls allowing more room too learn and absorb.

Hope the families going well and today you're feeling brighter.

I admire how you've moved on and up in the time I've known you.

Take care Wolfy

Always a champion ☺⚘

[Saree_p]

Hi Tim,

Thoughts are with you!

Was sorry to read you have been having a rough time. I hope all has settled a little more by the time you read this.

Sorry, I am short of words myself today.

Praying for you,

Saree

[smallwolf]

@DB - thanks you replying. You are never very far away!

@Saree - your presence is enough. You would be aware of cognitive distortions? Well in 1/2 of the prac, that I figured I did sucked at, I could probably put a tick against all of them, like black and white thinking, mental filter, dismissing the positive, should have, etc. And the end result is that you doubt yourself. But at least I can recognise this. So I sent an email to the person who was in charge, ending my email with "if nothing else, at least I have something to talk to my psychologist about at my next session".

Responded to a couple of new users getting back into the swing of things. Can't feel sorry for myself forever. Trying to put into practice my new analogy to cope with the length of the string - tell you about that another time - some people I have told gave me a confused look.

[demonblaster]

Welcome Wolfy ☺

My guess with your string analogy is along the lines of work with what you've got.

Learnings a valuable thing in our lives. You'll learn how to understand and apply the cognitive section.

That'll be rewarding in a sense of achievement and progressing forward.

If we don't use our brains in instances like this they go to sleep.

I have every faith in your ability Wolfy.

Hope your days a good one 🕊

[Saree_p]

Dearest Tim,

I feel your pain and struggle my friend.
How long is a piece of string, one will never know, nor can we predict.

I am all to aware of cognitive dissonance and believe I have a black belt in the practice of it 😂

Tim, can I challenge you?
Whilst the psych world and Probably the world it self condemn the list you tick, where would society be without people who thought that way?
Yes there is the negative side that leads to self destruction, but that style of thinking can be channelled into more positive styles. The biggest thing is learning to back yourself. But questioning and questioning yourself isn't a bad thing, it means you don't live in a world of ignorant bliss like most people.

Sorry if I am on the wrong tangent and overstepped.

Thoughts as with you dear friend,

Saree

[smallwolf]

Hi Saree,

Your challenge is fine, I don't mind having to think a little. 🙂

The trick for me is to change (?) the channel the thought into positive "action". By that I mean, not make myself feel that I am to blame for whatever happened, or dismiss the positives, etc., which is what I am good at. My psychologist told me to write this down...

mistakes are beautiful opportunities to learn, grow and brave and to do things differently.

Change is not automatic, and I agree with your commment...

questioning and questioning yourself isn't a bad thing, it means you don't live in a world of ignorant bliss

Tim

[Saree_p]

Always easier said than done hey Tim.