Lost my childhood dog

[JustAnYtka]

Three days ago my dog, that my family has has since I was 6, had a stroke with absolutely no warning. The next day we had to euthanize him. We'd had him for over 10 year. 5 months ago we lost his brother, due to cancer. We had a week with him to say goodbye and process what was about to happen, but with Baxter, it just happened, and we couldn't let him suffer. It was a bit easier when his brother passed, because we had him to cuddle and distract ourselves with. We don't have that this time. I've been staying up until as late at 8am, because I can't deal with the silence in my brain that happens when I try to sleep. So I wait until I'm exhausted and fall asleep instantly. Everywhere I look, I'm reminded of his absence. His beds, his water bowl, his fur covering everything. This is the worst pain I've ever felt and I don't know if I can keep dealing with this.

[Emotions26]

Hello JustAnYtka

I was passing by the grief section and found your post.

Losing a pet is very painful.

You have lost two within such a short period of time which compounds how you are feeling or lack of feeling.

Not being able to say goodbye to a loved one is so very hard and you might be in a state of shock still.

Possibly the reason why you are not able to fall asleep at the moment.

Please do not allow your mind to convince you that because your loss is of a pet that you will just get over it.

Your experience is real and authentic.

Loss and grief.

I am grieving myself and feel for you even though I do not know you. Grief is also different for everyone.

I also have a pet with the same name as your loved one.

You mentioned "we".

Expressing how you are feeling to others at home might help all of you. Sometimes it is hard to get the conversation started.

Also are you familiar with any of the helplines and chatlines on the website?

I copied and pasted this for you if you feel up to reaching out for support which is there for everyone.

Call or chat online to a counsellor If you're going through a hard time right now, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 for brief counselling. Most calls last around 20 minutes. Call a counsellor on 1300 22 4636 or chat to a counsellor online.

You are most welcome to continue writing about how you are feeling whenever you want.

Be gentle with yourself and trust your instincts.

Take care

Ems

[ABC01]

Dear JustAnYtka,

I lost my cat unexpectedly 3 weeks and 2 days ago. He was only 3.5 years old.

 I am worried about you. And I can only imagine losing your precious family members so close to each other is so very hard. Secondary loss is the grief you feel from all the things you used to do with your loved ones who pass. Something as normal as feeding times or going for walks are such painful triggers.

Can I share a few suggestions:

1. Try not to make any big decisions right now. That includes what to do with all your beloved possessions. Make those decisions months from now. If you need to pack them into a plastic container to get them out of line of sight,do that. But don’t let any regrets form from making decisions for the future right now.

2. Stick to your regular routine. Eat when it is breakfast,lunchand dinner. Drink plenty of fluids. Sleep at the same time at night. Exercise to get out pent up emotions. Keep all your appointments or schedules. If you don’t look after your health now, it will become an extra struggle later.

3. Sleep. Try to listen to podcasts designed for sleep when you get in bed. Meditate through videos on the internet. Buy a Sleep Sound machine with white noise or alpha/waves to induce sleep. Invest in a non blue light that doesn’t wake you up and alert if you need to use one at night. Set the sleep timer on the tv and put on something mediocre and doesn’t catch you attention. Repetition is the key to habits telling your brain and body it is time for rest.

4. Celebrate your love. Light a candle for your loved one, put pictures of them up and write on a notepad all your memories of them.

5. If you are getting worse mentally,physically and emotionally please reach out to your GP for treatment options. They are there to help you.

6. I have been writing down all my feelings with pen and paper. It gets them out of my mind and writing them down feels like I have got it out. It doesn’t matter if I write the same things over and over.

You are resilient and strong. You only have to take it day by day. Not tomorrow or a week in advance. Your feelings and thoughts are valid. Your dogs are your family and that matters. Your massive love for them is what matters. And you have loved them soooo well. They are lucky to have had you.

Please keep talking and reaching out. Please keep researching grief and how you are feeling. It may not feel like it today, but your love will endure beyond the grief. I am sorry for your loss.

ABC01