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Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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AnxiousBird123 Dad's passing makes me anxious
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone,Im new here. My dad passed last year in July from a heart attack. Since then I couldn't stop crying, a month after his passing I had my first panic attack. Even since I have been getting anxiety non-stop. As soon as I think of him, I get ... View more

Hi everyone,Im new here. My dad passed last year in July from a heart attack. Since then I couldn't stop crying, a month after his passing I had my first panic attack. Even since I have been getting anxiety non-stop. As soon as I think of him, I get anxiety attacks. I sometimes think "Am I going to get a heart attack next" How do I stop thinking this way? I try to not worry about him, but as soon as I think about him I get anxious about myself. I feel like I'm trying to forget him.

white knight Losing a child
  • replies: 11

Please bare with me on this difficult of all topics. If someone has never parachuted, how can they describe the event to someone that has never jumped? A soldier in war describing it...painting the picture? We all have various experiences that define... View more

Please bare with me on this difficult of all topics. If someone has never parachuted, how can they describe the event to someone that has never jumped? A soldier in war describing it...painting the picture? We all have various experiences that define us as unique. So when it comes to losing a child parents often describe it as "indescribable". How can they paint that picture? Most of us have experienced grief, the loss of a loved one but to lose a child is, it seems, on a higher plain. As I've worked with victims of crime one challenge has been to find ways of obtaining relief from such grief. We as humans cant possibly compare grieving circumstances of such loss except that anger would rate as an added emotion with some. Anger at a perpetrator or someone seemingly or directly responsible can envelop a parent creating unimaginable intetnal anguish. Getting a life back following such loss is often most difficult. The first rule of thumb is to have no rules. No expectations. Gentle ears, calm, waiting for that one signal that is positive towards moving forward with day to day activity. There are ways to lose a child other than death. I've lost a neice to a cult. At 14yo she ran away from blood family. She's now 33yo, has children of her own and is estranged from most blood family still. Imagine the hurt the parents and 5 siblings feel? Their child still lives but near zero chance of reconciling. ..is also a unique form of grief. How empty? Ive found there is not any "best practice" to move forward and pick up pieces of ones life to become productive following the loss of a child. One way to help is devoting ones life towards helping others in the name and honour of their child. A cause. Memorials are common. Honouring your child's life by deeds, in a way allowing your childs life to result in a positive project of some sort of your choice doesn't have to be public if you prefer it to remain private. Grief can be very private or maybe public especially if fundraising. My good neighbours son passed away in a car accident. Days later his daughter in law had items owned by his son to collect. Amongst them were 50 potted rose plants his son prepared. His son adored roses. He took them home, planted them in a special garden, takes cuttings and pots them for others in town. He never takes one cent. This small hamlet in spring is adorned with his sons roses. Wow! Most of us cant relate to losing a child. We can find a way of their memory to live on. Tony WK

shesawallflower my mum died and i miss her badly.
  • replies: 15

Im 28 years old and my mum died VERY EXEXPECTEDLY with a massive stroke/brain annerysm in November 2017. It was quite confronting as my brother, dad and I sat with her for days in ICU on life support completly unconcious where we told we had to turn ... View more

Im 28 years old and my mum died VERY EXEXPECTEDLY with a massive stroke/brain annerysm in November 2017. It was quite confronting as my brother, dad and I sat with her for days in ICU on life support completly unconcious where we told we had to turn it off. It all went so fast and we just had to deal with what happend. Its been a year and a half but Im feeling like the grief is becoming a little harder. People who have/are experiencing greif. How long does it last? I know there is no right or wrong answer and I know everyone is different. But im just so mentally tired and drained from being so sad and not letting go. My boyfriend has been so supportive, I think its so unfair for him that I am so emotional all the time.

Sunflower23 The loss of companionship
  • replies: 3

I’m grieving the loss of companionship, after my long term relationship ended. I miss having someone to talk to about daily life things and having that someone in your corner, who wants to support you, be there for you and love you unconditionally.

I’m grieving the loss of companionship, after my long term relationship ended. I miss having someone to talk to about daily life things and having that someone in your corner, who wants to support you, be there for you and love you unconditionally.

Selgae Losing a parent from Stage 4 lung cancer
  • replies: 3

Dad’s became legally blind at mid age. He was devastated due to loss of mobility as a consequence. Then diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer at 86 that has spread to the left leg bones causing agonising pain that has left him unable to walk. Just 3 mon... View more

Dad’s became legally blind at mid age. He was devastated due to loss of mobility as a consequence. Then diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer at 86 that has spread to the left leg bones causing agonising pain that has left him unable to walk. Just 3 months after being diagnosed with cancer he’s had a stroke that left him with his left body paralysed. Hard to see a gentleman suffer with discomfort, pain, anxiety and depression for almost half his lifetime. It is affecting all members of the family including grandchildren due to his illness. Breaks my heart to hear him say “im tired”. Left me with anger and denial and embarrassment. Tried to show my family I’m fine when deep inside im not. I guess this is one way of getting it off my chest.

Ripcantrell Just lost my mum and and so many regrets
  • replies: 6

My mum passed away two days ago and I have not been able to accept it, probably in denial but angry too. Mum was in the UK. I did manage to see mum before she died in hospital but she was on the mend before I left and had restricted access due to cov... View more

My mum passed away two days ago and I have not been able to accept it, probably in denial but angry too. Mum was in the UK. I did manage to see mum before she died in hospital but she was on the mend before I left and had restricted access due to covid controls. I wasn't concerned as I genuinely believed I could get back in a few months to see her again. She was discharged on the day I left the UK so I felt ok about leaving. I planned to return in a few months, however, she was back in hospital within a week and took a downturn healthwise and was dead within about two weeks. I wish I had stayed and I can't stop thinking I could have done more to get her well again. I honestly think the standard of care in the hospital was poor and this opinion is shared by my sibling in the UK. I am now feeling terrible about not being there and I really miss my mum. I have let her down, took her for granted in respect of assuming she will always be there and made little effort the last few years. I gave grown up children and a wife who are great but I feel so alone in my grief. I can't show my emotion because it's not my thing and can only do this in private. I feel like I should be punished for the way I have been and deserve it. I know I have an underlying depression slowly eating away like a cancer. I also know this will be bad for those I leave behind. Grief can't be like this surely? I am thinking of the time I had with mum and memories but this anger is boiling away too. I don't know how this will end and I can only hope it will ease with time.

PrincessE Losing my beloved Princess
  • replies: 3

I don’t know how to cope with this grief. I am in the process of losing my beloved Princess (Golden Retriever) she is 15 years of age and I have had her since she was 8 weeks oldShe is the love of my life and my only support and companionShe has love... View more

I don’t know how to cope with this grief. I am in the process of losing my beloved Princess (Golden Retriever) she is 15 years of age and I have had her since she was 8 weeks oldShe is the love of my life and my only support and companionShe has loved me unconditionally for 15 years and been my loyal love i don’t know how I can go on without her, I cannot stop crying and worrying, I feel sickMy life will not be worth living without my baby, I have lived my life for heri would love to hear from anyone that has experienced this lossi am probably going to have to make a decision to put her to sleep which I cannot do, it will kill me I am heartbroken and cannot go on i don’t know how to cope and feel like I am going to die without her

KannF Psychic
  • replies: 4

Hello has anyone here seen a psychic/medium and actually have gained anything out of it? Like with everything the psychic said was spot on and for some reason I actually feel free after today like a sense of weight lifted off my shoulders I know my m... View more

Hello has anyone here seen a psychic/medium and actually have gained anything out of it? Like with everything the psychic said was spot on and for some reason I actually feel free after today like a sense of weight lifted off my shoulders I know my mother is safe and happy to be with her mum and it’s okay for me to move on with my life now..?

Nat_C Unspeakable grief
  • replies: 3

8 years ago I lost my best friend who was like a sister to me. She was Albanian and I met her in Albania but she passed away when I was in Australia. This alone would have been challenging but she died with pregnancy complications which has made it v... View more

8 years ago I lost my best friend who was like a sister to me. She was Albanian and I met her in Albania but she passed away when I was in Australia. This alone would have been challenging but she died with pregnancy complications which has made it very difficult to discuss with friends. Every mothers day and Christmas is challenging as is new years eve. This year seems worse than normal, but I struggle to find people to talk to about it because pregnancy can be such a sensitive topic. This year I know 3 people who are expecting about the tine my friend was due but I am also hoping to return to Albania. Is there anyone who has experience in grieving in a setting that is hard to talk about and if so what have you found helpful. Sadly when I am at my worst with this there seems to be limited help available, due to b the time of year, though I do have a GP appointment booked this week.

davey_ Childhood grief created emptiness emotionally
  • replies: 2

When I was 7 my mum died of leukaemia ever since then my life was changed as through my teenage years to this day I have noticed a lack of emotions and feelings that are considered normal. I feel as if I’m not sad when I should be and I don’t know ho... View more

When I was 7 my mum died of leukaemia ever since then my life was changed as through my teenage years to this day I have noticed a lack of emotions and feelings that are considered normal. I feel as if I’m not sad when I should be and I don’t know how to describe it but I just done feel anything at all. My current circumstances aren’t bad at all in living comfortably and I have a caring girlfriend. I just don’t feel many emotions if any towards all situations and just life in general. I wouldn’t consider myself emotionless or empty I am struggling to put a pin on it. I’m wondering if anyone has felt the same thing as me and what’s I can do to change this. I wouldn’t consider myself in a bad or good mental state I’m just kind of living life as it is. But sometimes I just wonder why am I so empty inside it’s like grief has drained my emotions and feelings towards others.