Immediate support
Immediate support

Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Nikki85 Newbie struggling with the loss of my mum
  • replies: 6

Hi my name is Nicole. I am 35. I am a mother to 3 gorgeous sons. They are 9-8-3. I'm currently struggling with the loss of my dear mother. She was only 56 :(. My mum passed away 11-11-2019. Yet another emotional wave is crashing. Missing my mum so mu... View more

Hi my name is Nicole. I am 35. I am a mother to 3 gorgeous sons. They are 9-8-3. I'm currently struggling with the loss of my dear mother. She was only 56 :(. My mum passed away 11-11-2019. Yet another emotional wave is crashing. Missing my mum so much. Feeling like I am only here because I have to be, not because I want to be. I'm feeling defeated. I'm feeling done. I struggle to get out of bed. Because sleep is the only time I feel nothing. Wish I could just sleep the rest of my life away. Feeling like I am on auto polite. On the verge of tears. Constant pain in chest. Knowing a part of me is missing. I know we aren't meant to live forever. But I didn't expect my mum to be gone so soon. This is one of the worst pains. I just want my mum back I miss the old me. I have no motivation. Trying to work out how to survive the new normal. How do you live without the one who gave you life?... This pain is seriously like no other.

Jack_Falco Loss of a child and relationship breakdown - I am doing a 90 day sobriety challenge to cope
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, this is the first time I have posted here. My poor baby never came into this world. My ex-girlfriend, who I was with for three months was pregnant with my baby, and she wanted an abortion, and she had it. This happened over a month ago n... View more

Hi everyone, this is the first time I have posted here. My poor baby never came into this world. My ex-girlfriend, who I was with for three months was pregnant with my baby, and she wanted an abortion, and she had it. This happened over a month ago now. I grieve every day for my baby and I grieve for my relationship, secondly. It's so intense writing about this here. I don't want to offend anyone, but I'm really looking for support/advice. The poor baby. While my ex-girlfriend was pregnant she smoked and drank. I was absolutely horrified at her indifference. The poor baby never did anything to anyone. Before she was pregnant I felt we had a really nice connection and was enjoying getting to know her. But, I guess time pacifies everything. Everytime I think about missing her, I think, she chose to abort the baby I wanted to have and she treated it really terribly while she as pregnant, then I have absolutely no inclination to call her. I just want to acknowledge that I can vent here and express my opinions, but I recognise that my baby will never be able to, which absolutely breaks me heart. I feel incredibly selfish. Whenever I have a relationship breakdown, I quickly go onto internet dating. I don't want to do this. I want to take 90 days off from dating, and also 90 days off from alcohol. Since the abortion, I have been drinking more and mixing alcohol with medication. I look forward to speaking to you all here and supporting you too. If any of you have been through this, if you are comfortable, please share with me. I feel very alone with this. To the baby who never saw this world, I just want to say I'm sorry, I will always love you, please forgive me.

Durand First Breakup
  • replies: 4

I was with my girlfriend that I met in high school for 6 years and I loved her to bits. I couldn't have been any happier with her and everything about her made me so happy. Even her faults did not bother me in the slightest. She was my best friend. S... View more

I was with my girlfriend that I met in high school for 6 years and I loved her to bits. I couldn't have been any happier with her and everything about her made me so happy. Even her faults did not bother me in the slightest. She was my best friend. She broke up with me out of the blue and I feel really ambushed, betrayed and abandoned. We've been growing together and she became part of me completely. I feel as if I have genuinely lost half of myself and that I'm not longer whole. I feel that I lost my motivations, my goals, my interests, things that make me happy, everything is just.. empty. Everything was with her, about her. She said that she needed to talk to me and it just happened. She listed reasons and how she felt and I was completely blindsided. I didn't get angry. I didn't get suspicious of there being another person. I just.. consoled her and listened. I've been doing a lot of introspection into myself and what happened. I found that I've failed myself and what matters most to me. There's so much that I haven't been doing. No being mature, helping enough in the unit with shouldering my share of responsibilities. Not showing my love for her and spending time with her to make her feel wanted and loved. Not doing better in so many things that I WANTED to do but... just didn't. She had spoken before with me about some concerns she had.. I just didn't do enough, I didn't understand or see it. It hits me that I failed, that we didn't communicate properly. That we didn't tell each other exactly how we felt and more importantly how we can help each other. There's so many hard lessons to take away that are burned into me. Mutual failings between us. To my great shame I read her journal and it spoke of her wanting to break up for almost a year. This really hurt me. I trusted her and never suspected anything. She never said anything about these thoughts. Its become clear to me that she has been on a knife edge of loving me and how I really made her happy. That she didn't want to miss out on life and experience more. I don't blame her. I can see her character weaknesses, things that I wish I could take away, help her with, support her; but I can't. She is uncertain what she wants. She has growing to do and so do I. I've learnt a lot about myself, who I am, what I lack. I'm a deeply affectionate person, now I feel alone and unloved. I can't even talk to my best friend. All I can do is wait for the pain subside.

Centaured Cancer sucks
  • replies: 4

I spoke to my mum today. She's talking about his will and affairs. I can't handle it. I miss him. I haven't seen him in years due to covid and he's about to die. Like really soon. I don't want my step-dad to go, I'm selfish, it's not even about me, h... View more

I spoke to my mum today. She's talking about his will and affairs. I can't handle it. I miss him. I haven't seen him in years due to covid and he's about to die. Like really soon. I don't want my step-dad to go, I'm selfish, it's not even about me, he's in agony so why can't I say goodbye.

Nechama_I Unsure how to reach out
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, I lost my brother 6 months ago. I feel that the first few weeks after he died, we were being showered with support,meals, gifts you name it. However, now that its 6 months later, everyone has moved on to their regular lives and don't und... View more

Hi everyone, I lost my brother 6 months ago. I feel that the first few weeks after he died, we were being showered with support,meals, gifts you name it. However, now that its 6 months later, everyone has moved on to their regular lives and don't understand that just because I am back at work/getting with 'everyday life', the pain and greif is still as strong. People ask me how I am, but I often take that as a general hello and not sure if they are ready to hear about my greif, so ill tell them about work or my day etc. I think people are genuinely scared of asking me as to not wanted to upset me or because it is taboo and different for everyone. I'm not necessarily upset at my friends for not checking in with me, but I do find it odd that it is so taboo. I do wish that someone would ask me specifically how I am doing greif-wise, and then I can know I'm okay to open up to them... Does anyone have any similar experiences? Did you bring it up to your friends? Were you also scared or talking about it as to not scare your friends or vice versa?

LYCB I lost the love of my life to suicide
  • replies: 14

Almost a month ago now I lost my beloved partner to suicide. We had been together for almost fifteen years and were planning to start a family. We fought before he died and I think he was worried I was going to hurt myself. I feel such enormous guilt... View more

Almost a month ago now I lost my beloved partner to suicide. We had been together for almost fifteen years and were planning to start a family. We fought before he died and I think he was worried I was going to hurt myself. I feel such enormous guilt, in addition to mourning my favourite person in the entire world I’m also mourning the future we would have had together. I feel like I’m drowning.

Rose2114 Sudden and traumatic loss of partner at a young age
  • replies: 2

I lost my partner of 2 years on new years eve 2021...he was only in his late 20's.. It was a freak incident where where he was significantly injured. Everyday I'm reminded of how horrifying it was to see my most favourite person hurt. I can't stop se... View more

I lost my partner of 2 years on new years eve 2021...he was only in his late 20's.. It was a freak incident where where he was significantly injured. Everyday I'm reminded of how horrifying it was to see my most favourite person hurt. I can't stop seeing everything that happened that day, and can't help but think how easily this could have been avoided. It's difficult to get to sleep most nights and I am easily woken. When awake I am easily startled, easily spooked and hyper vigilant. He was also my best friend and a band mate. Most of my life involved him and we spoke every day. Most people around me have partners, have someone to comfort them through the loss of him as well. Which has made it hard to find the right person to turn to when I need to talk. I am talking to a psychologist, I am also here to broaden the avenues to where I can express my feelings. Seeing friends outside of the grieving circle seems daunting and more isolating than actually isolating myself. This grief will never leave me, and a life like this doesn't feel worth living...The suggestions of ways to make ones self feel better don't seem to help much, just a way to use up time. They say it will get better... it's only been 2 months, but what if it doesn't get better? He and I weren't married or living together, but I guess it still makes sense to call me a widow. A late 20's year old widow. Although I feel like I aged 20 years from this experience. This marks and end of an era, an early end to my 20's, an end to ever feeling love the way I felt it for him and an end to everything we ever planned to do for our future. I'd be interested to hear from others who've lost their partners and their grieving experience. Was there a point where you felt more motivated again? Where does motivation come from? Thanks.

Purpleheart1 my fiance took his own life
  • replies: 11

I'm not sure why I am here or what I hope to gain from this. I just felt the need to reach out. It's been three weeks now since my fiance took his own life. He was an amazing person and was so kind, generous, thoughtful and lifted me up in my darkest... View more

I'm not sure why I am here or what I hope to gain from this. I just felt the need to reach out. It's been three weeks now since my fiance took his own life. He was an amazing person and was so kind, generous, thoughtful and lifted me up in my darkest days. My fiance was the type of guy that made his presence felt wherever he went. Although he struggled with depression due to so many physical injuries he had sustained and through COVID, he always had faith that things would get better. We spent every day together, laughing dancing, going for walks... he'd pick me flowers and leave notes daily to show me he loved me. The night before he passed I sensed he was low. He said he just needed to sleep it off and he'd be fine the next day. So in the morning I gave him a big hug and he reassured me he was feeling better. That was the last time I saw him. The guilt I have has consumed me. How did I not see the signs? Why didn't I save him.? I shoud NOT have gone to work that day. Why didn't he call and talk to someone? He left a note saying he was too proud that he hated himself and the world is better without him. So untrue. Everyone can't believe it. He was the happiest, silliest person. So full of life. So motivational to all. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm low. I feel like I shouldn't be here. If I could trade places with him I would. He was the love of my life and spent every single day making me feel amazing. And just like that, he's gone. I feel hollow. Empty. What is the point of life? I don't understand? I feel guilt and pain that is indescribable. I have been through loss before. I lost my father when I was 16. I thought I knew what pain was but this is a different level. He said he would always be by my side and that I was the reason he could smile every day. I failed him. And now my life is empty... hollow... numb.

Kt2215 Losing my dad has impacted my life
  • replies: 14

I lost my dad last year and the 1 year of his fathers is creeping up and I'm feeling more and more anxious. I don't want to work, see people or even get out of bed at times. I'm struggling and over eating, not exercising much and self doubting myself... View more

I lost my dad last year and the 1 year of his fathers is creeping up and I'm feeling more and more anxious. I don't want to work, see people or even get out of bed at times. I'm struggling and over eating, not exercising much and self doubting myself constantly. I recently got work and then stopped due to feeling I couldn't do it. I just want to feel normal again. The only thing keeping me going is my dog and new partner.

Christina_S Mum of son who took his own life
  • replies: 9

Hi, I'm Christina. My son Tim took his own life at the age of 34 in November 2017. He left behind so many people who loved him, but especially his sister (my daughter Mel) who is now 30 years old. Mel just had a beautiful baby girl in July this year ... View more

Hi, I'm Christina. My son Tim took his own life at the age of 34 in November 2017. He left behind so many people who loved him, but especially his sister (my daughter Mel) who is now 30 years old. Mel just had a beautiful baby girl in July this year and she is getting married in August next year. I am feeling overwhelmed as Tim's birthday is September and he passed away in November so it is a difficult time of year. Mel and I went shopping for her wedding dress a couple of weeks ago and even though we should be completely happy and excited, we both just feel so sad that Tim is not here to be a part of this. We miss him so much and even though it has been 4 years, it is still to unbelievable that he is not here with us. I cry all the time and I feel guilty that I did not see how much pain he must have been in. Any joy any more seems to be drowned in sadness. I have a supportive husband and Mel's partner is an incredibly understanding and supportive man. Even so I feel so alone and on my own in my pain. I feel strange asking if there are any others who have been through the same thing (God forbid, however I know that suicide is on the rise in young people) because that would mean that you are going through the same hell. It feels like this cloud will be with me forever, although I know logically that it will pass as we get into the new year. It usually does but right now I feel wretched. Anyone relate? I have been to a psychologist and that all made sense but it doesn't take the pain away. After Tim died, my younger brother Mike was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He was just 50. Tim passed in the November and Mike died the following March. Tims son Damian ) is 17 and Mikes son Nic (my nephew) is 20. These poor young men losing their dads within months of each other. It is all so bloody sad and it is coming up to Christmas yet again. I don't know why I am writing on this forum. I have supported Beyond Blue since Tim passed away. Kind regards, Christina S