Lost my brother

[Jackson1994]

In 2015 my younger brother died I'm still struggling with this sometimes it's nice to just talk about him with other people sounds so weird but it helps to remember the good bits

[CMF]

I can't begin to imagine what it must have been like. My parents have passed away but to lose a younger sibling would be different. How old was he? Do you want to talk about what happened? It's ok if you don't, whatever you feel like sharing is fine Jackson.

[CMF]

Are you ok Jackson?

[Jackson1994]

He was 18.

I don't really want to go into specifics but he got really sick and spent a week in intensive care and we turned his life support off. The months leading up to his death were difficult for him and my mum and stepdad were always taking him to appointments and stuff, he wasn't so ill that we saw his death coming but he had a few issues for sure, so having to take a lot of responsibility for my younger step siblings was really stressful.

He was my best mate. We had so much fun together and did heaps together.

[CMF]

Oh wow, that's really tough to hear Jackson. No need to go into specifics, just what you want to talk about . It would have been tough for you to look after step siblings for sure, it sort of took you away from your brother too. ow lovely to have had such a bond with your sibling. Do you get along with your step siblings?

Did you receive any support or counseling at the time? Did you ever talk to your mum about it and share the grief? Does she know of your struggle?

Gosh, i can't even begin to understand what that would have been like for you. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you have struggled with this for so long now. I'm at a loss for words, do you want to tell me more about him or talk about the good times?

[Jackson1994]

Yeah it was tough trying to juggle work, social life, sporting comittments, I was studying at the time and the family stuff. I sometimes would have to pick the kids up from primary school and make them dinner, all that sort of stuff.

Yeah we along very well, they are 12 and 14. we do things together on the weekends.

I spoke to a counsellor at the hospital but after that nothing. I feel like people showed that they cared and checked in then after a while they stop and assume you're ok even when you aren't. I used to speak to mum about this stuff, but haven't really in a bit.

Im happy to keep talking about him, sorry for the slow responses I'm getting there

[Jackson1994]

We used to go down to the holiday house together and hang out at the beach, I remember once we were walking along the beach and the weather just turned and this big storm came, we were stuck out there, trying to run along the sand but the wind was impossible to run against and we could hardly see in front of us when the rain came pouring, I'll always remember that day

[CMF]

It's great that you have a good relationship with your step siblings. You took on alot of responsibility at the time.

When we lose someone it is common for support to be around for a short time but then everyone gets on with their life while you are still coming to terms with it. Would you feel comfortable talking to your mum again and then raise the subject of her coming to the dr with you? I think the counseling probably should have continued for you and it would be great if you could start that up gain. It's not something you can just move on from.You have been dealing with this grief on your own for so long, it's time to share the load, you don't need to go through this alone anymore. How is your mum coping?

I'm really glad you have opened up about this, you can't hold this inside anymore.

[Jackson1994]

They suggested some places I could go at the time to get further support but I was so caught up in other stuff at the time I didn't follow through with it, there was no real push to either, it was just like oh yeah maybe try these places.

I supported mum a lot when I noticed she wasn't coping very well and spoke to my step dad so that he could help her get some more support, that was three or four months or so after he died. I think she is doing a bit better now though, but we don't know these things when people get so good at keeping it inside hey...

[CMF]

Spot on, we don't know what others are going through because we are all really good st putting on a brave face 🙂

Do you think you could have some time with your mum to check in on her, see how she is going and to talk about how you are feeling? It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship. Opening up that conversation can then lead onto visiting your gp. I'm sure if your mum knew of your struggle she would want to help in any way. You really can't keep trying to be ok in front of everyone, you need to go through the grieving process, with some help. It sounds like you are holding all this grief inside, there is no support or outlet.

Step 1 can you sit down with your mum for a heart to heart chat?

step 2 book an appointment with your gp. Take a copy of your bb threads if it helps.

do you think you could take these 2 little steps?

[Jackson1994]

Yeah I love him and miss so much that sometimes all I want to do is talk about him and how fantastic he was.

Yeah I can do them, step by step, maybe if I break it down it would help.