Is grief a trigger for bipolar II

[The_Possum]

Hi everyone

I'm new here and this is my first post.

I was diagnosed with bipolar ii disorder in November 2016.

My mum has just had exploratory surgery where a large inoperable tumour mass was found. It's believed to be secondary breast cancer which she battled 7 years ago. We are currently awaiting pathology results to see how and if it can be treatment. In any case she won't survive this but hopefully buy some time.

Im very close to my mum except for last year where she didn't understand mental health and I kept my distance and never told her my diagnosis as I knew she wouldn't cope with it.

I feel sad for the arguments we had and the lost time. I feel responsible for it all and my illness and I'm angry I got sick. I was very suicidal and incorrectly treatment with antidepressants which made things a when lot worse.

I'm lucky to be alive and my mum doesn't know the half of it. I don't regret keeping it from her but believe I should have handled it better and kept a better relationship with her. I feel guilt as now my time is limited with her.

I've been medicated since December slowly increasing on an anti epileptic which is good for BP ii. I finally got to the correct dose in February and things have been better and more stable. Combined with counselling.

But I haven't been able to sleep with my mind racing and I just randomly cry and go from crying to focussed that we can fight this. I feel confused and I don't know if this is normal or whether the bp ii is making my moods go all over the place.

I don't know if this is triggering issues and I don't know how I'm going to cope with this.

I have two little boys under 6 and not working as I gave up my career last year when I got sick but was hoping to return to it this year. I can't afford to fall apart for their sake.

Anyone help Me?

Thank you x

[The_Possum]

Any advice for this newbie?!

Thanks x

[Croix]

Dear T Possum~

I apologize that you have had to wait for a reply. This place gets a bit hectic at times. I'm sorry to hear of your circumstances and your Mother's illness. I guess at least now you have a little time, not ideal, but something.

I am pleased to hear you are getting on top of your medical regime, something that still takes a degree of trial and error.

I'd also guess that one reason you have not had responses here is that your question requires specialist experience, not something all here have.

I, for example, have PTSD, anxiety and have had bouts of depression -not BPII. I can say in my own case as stress factors in my life up I'm more likely to suffer an increased severity of my illness.

I'm not a doctor so cannot really say much. I do know that the Mayo Clinic includes stress and other factors as being significant. Perhaps you might like to post in another thread:-

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/long-term-support-over-the-journey/this-bipolar-life

This is run by a very experienced lady called Kaz. There are many there who would be better able to talk to you. Failing that perhaps mention the matter to your doctor?

I'm sorry I can't get closed to answering your question. On another matter - that of a racing mind and sleep, I find that good sleep hygiene with relaxation exercises help (I do take meds too). A good starting point is the app Smiling Mind. This takes practice but I've found it very useful.

Pages 7 & 8 of the following beyondblue publication deal with sleep hygiene

http://resources.beyondblue.org.au/prism/file?token=BL/1178

I hope you can find the information you seek, and perhaps more importantly manage to cope with what life is currently throwing at you

Croix

[The_Possum]

Thanks so much for the response!

I'll check out those links.

I think I may make an appointment with my GP just to have a chat about it all. It can't hurt, even if I may be over reacting a little. I just don't want to fall back into the bad places I've come out of.

Thank you again x