I lost my 4-year-old daughter

[3T]

This is my first post in here. I've tried to find a support group. my youngest daughter choked at home and died 3 years ago, she was four. my life has turned upside down with grief ,guilt and hopelessness.. I've tried to find support but have had a bad experience with counsellor so have given up taking that path and thought i would give this a try. I don't recognise my self or my family anymore and the person I was before she got her wings died with her . I don't known what to do anymore or if life is going to get better....I have never felt more alone and out of place in my life

[BballJ]

Hi 3T,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter, I won't even begin to pretend I know what you are going through as that would be one of the toughest things to deal with but I want to point out something, the fact you are here and looking for support and help is amazing and a real credit to you, so please hold you head high for that one. You will find these forums quite supportive and I do hope others comment with their support for you as well. You are not alone.

I understand you said you have given up on seeing a counsellor, may I ask, how many have you seen? Reason I ask is that when I first spoke to my GP about my mental health they said to me "Finding a good counsellor is look finding a good friend, you don't always click with the first one you meet, it can take time to find the right one". This rings so true and I do hope you keep looking for a counsellor as I feel you may benefit big time from a really good one. Possibly giving the Beyond Blue helpline a call on 1300 22 4636 to discuss what you options may be as well.

Please, respond as much as you would like and I will always try to respond to you as will others.

My best for you,

Jay

[3T]

Hi Jay

Thank you for your reply and support, I have seen a couple if counsellors and really connected with one lady and seen her for a year. Until.she made a mandatory report to DOCS regarding my 15 year old daughter because of my partners drinking she felt it could esculate and she might be harmed. Needless to say DOCS did nothing because of her age and they felt there was no risk of harm. So now I don't trust anyone and feel I can't be honest because of what she did

[startingnew]

hi 3t welcome to the forums

i know the feeling of being alone and grief. i lost my nana who was my best friend not that long ago and it hurts me everyday.

have you thought of maybe having traditions for celebrating your daughters life at certain times of the years as her birthday xmas easter?

i also understand the DOCS situation as well, ive had to deal with them before and that made life hard as well.

you can open up on here as much as you can if you feel comfortable

[3T]

We do celebrate her birthday and angelveresry we wright messages on balloons and let them go. The night of her death haunts me still 3 years later, watching her struggle for breath and then turn blue these images flash in my mind everyday and nights are relentless. My whole family is broken we were all there that night I just don't think things are getting easier

[startingnew]

yeah i know PTSD is a terrible thing to deal with and it takes alot of time to get it easier. and most of the time the memoeries will still haunt us. have you spoken to a psychologist about your feelings and how to deal with them?

[3T]

Yes but that was the one who made the report. We still had a long way to go but I can't trust her anymore, the idea of starting with a new one is overwhelming its like starting at the beginning and I don't think I can

[startingnew]

sometimes going to a new psych can be a eye opener and give better advice.

i know its daunting- ive had to change 3 times already and about to change again

you dont have to start right from the beginning you can take it slow and jsut let little bits out at a time

[3T]

Thanks for your support . I think I will take a break for a bit with the psyc maybe see a gp for support

[BballJ]

Hi 3T,

Sorry to hear that the psych you felt let you down, in their defense, it sounded like they were just trying to help and avoid a situation more so than go behind your back, but I can see how it would make you feel. I do agree startingnew that seeing a new psychologist may be the way to go, it can take a while to find the right one as I said in my initial post, I understand you want to take a break and just see your GP, which is also fine but make sure you keep seeing them for support and don't try to battle it on your own. I would also suggest staying on the forums and talking here as much as you like, even if it's literally just to talk and get things of your mind. It's a great place to vent. Even checking the other parts of the forums too.

My best,

Jay