I lost my 4-year-old daughter

[3T]

This is my first post in here. I've tried to find a support group. my youngest daughter choked at home and died 3 years ago, she was four. my life has turned upside down with grief ,guilt and hopelessness.. I've tried to find support but have had a bad experience with counsellor so have given up taking that path and thought i would give this a try. I don't recognise my self or my family anymore and the person I was before she got her wings died with her . I don't known what to do anymore or if life is going to get better....I have never felt more alone and out of place in my life

[BballJ]

Hi 3T,

Like quirkywords said above, that quote you wrote "I know it's going to take hard work but I think I'm ready, I have no choice I have to do something" I really like this..... so many people would breakdown in this scenario and most people would understand and I know you said you were one strand away from breaking down but the fact is you haven't and you have dealt with something so dramatic. This is a strength and one that is building in you every single day and you don't even know it. You WILL get better with time... as I said before there is no race, this is all in your time... just keep talking and getting your feelings and thoughts out there, if these forums help you do that, then perfect, along with seeing the counsellor. I don't believe I have asked you before (I scrolled up and couldn't see anything although if I did, I apologise) but do you have a support network around you in regards to family, do you speak to any of them about how you are feeling etc? I find having a strong support network of family and what not can really help. I understand you situation is a little different but I just wanted to ask that question.

My best,

Jay

[quirkywords]

3T

poetry is a wonderful way to express yourself. I am so glad you are able to do that. Does it help you in anyway? I have found poetry a way to express emotions.

Do ever show others or are they just for yourself.

I echo the helpful advice Jay has written.

Take care

Quirkywords

[3T]

Hey guys

i don't have much family support outside my kids and partner. My mum died a year after my daughter so my dad and brothers and sisters are walking there own path of grief I don't really talk to anyone about my feelings I feel like I'm expected to be the strong one for everyone and have been told this a lot so that's what I've tried to do over the last 3 years but it's getting really hard and lonely, I am worried that if it gets to much for and I break that everything and everyone I've tried to hold up will break too.

I read a poem at my daughters funeral and my mums but I havnt shared them with anyone else they havnt asked to see them so I havnt showed anyone .

i have another app next week with the new counsellor I am surrounding mysel with buffers my biggest fear is that I will break and I won't want to come back from it

again thank you for your support xx

[BballJ]

Hi 3T,

I am sorry about all the loss you have had to go through. I can't imagine how tough it would be to have it one after the other... have you tried engaging your family in conversation and just tried talking to them?

Just keep trying and keep being strong, you are doing well with being strong... Let us know how the counsellor goes as well, just keep talking and getting things out there, and that includes doing that here to as I think you are finding these forums helpful.

My best,

Jay

[3T]

Hi jay

i find talking on here helpful in between the app with the counsellor it gives me somewhere to vent and reading the comments gives me strength when things get hard

I am also going to compassionate friends on Friday it's a group for parents who have lost a child

thank you for your on going support xx

[BballJ]

Hi 3T,

Apologies for my delayed response as I have been away, I like that you find these forums useful for venting, it is exactly what they are here for. Any peace of mind I and anyone else commenting can give you hopefully does help because that's all we want to do.

How did the group go on Friday as you mentioned above?

My best,

Jay

[3T]

Hi jay

its good your back

the group was very welcoming it was a little confronting but for the first time in a long time I felt like I actually fit in some where and didnt feel alone. They gave me some ideas for getting through Mother's Day they all had there own heart braking stories of grief

I'm going to the next meeting next month I'd really like to thank you for your on going support in here jay I know someone is always around on these forums

so it's a great back up plan for when I'm feeling down

Kelly xxxx

[BballJ]

Hi 3T,

Amazing stuff to read, glad you felt like you fitted in, is very interesting that you find relief in a group full of people who have so much grief to share. Being with people who have been through similar experiences as you can really be comforting just for your own peace of mind. You seem to be doing great and I really do hope you keep this progress up.

No need to thank me, just happy I can be of some assistance to you in these very tough trying times.

As always, continue to post back as much as you wish, always happy to talk.

My best,

Jay