Seeking support for the victims of depression and suicide (family and spouses left behind).

[Shelly13]

Hi,

My husband committed suicide and I would like to know if there are any organisations helping the victims. Because with every suicide there is far more victims left behind with the potential of depression to follow. My husband was hospitalized twice and not once did the hospital call me in to talk to them about what was going on at home and warning me of possible warning signs. I tried with the psychiatrist and he was not interested in anything but medication. He did not visit the home once. His psychologist appointed by the hospital told me when I rang him the day he died that he could not get Michael to talk. (Drrrrr). He did not ask me how I was, he just got defensive. His GP said that he should of had shock treatment when I called her. NO ONE ask how I or my children were going. I am looking after myself with regular physiologist's help. I have done that on my own. I have looked on both The Black Dog website and Beyond blue and there is nothing there. I was wondering if there are any others out there like myself.I would love to be able to talk to someone with the same experience with the suicide of there partner.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Shelly13,

Welcome to the forums and our deepest sympathies on the loss of your husband.  Below is a link to a page on the BB website with information on understanding suicide and grief, and also a link to the support organisation who helped us put this information together:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/understanding-suicide-and-grief

http://www.supportaftersuicide.org.au/

This is also a supportive and caring community for sharing your thoughts and feelings with others, we hope you will stay here and continue posting. 

[Croix]

Dear Shelly~

Welcome here, I wish it was in better circumstances for you. I've has my partner die and I've been suicidal so while I do not exactly understand how things are for you I can at least imagine pretty closely.

Sophie has given you a link to a support site. I'd suggest that you contact them. I do not know if you have experienced loss of a loved one before, it is a totally overwhelming period on one's life that seems to take over everything and will go on for ever.

A suicide makes for an extra burden. When I was planning to take my life I genuinely thought my family would be better off without me. I would not be surprised if your husband felt the same way. It would not be a question of thoughtlessness, but of thinking being completely distorted.

My depression had fooled me into thinking all was black and hopeless and for me to end things was best for all.

Later on when I was somewhat better I was horrified when my wife pointed out to me exactly what my actions would have done to my family. Great grief, massive loss, horrible guilt, plus a host of practical problems.

While I don't know how you feel I'm saying all of this because it is natural to have all the emotions I just mentioned and a lack of understanding of motive, plus feelings of blame and anger towards the person that died. It is all very very hard.

I would totally agree that the modern medical machine is full of holes, with lack of coordination, indifference and inefficiency. The sad thing is that many in that machine are themselves good and caring, but the system is often not designed for that to come to the fore. I'm sure there would have been someone willing to ring you, but without the opportunity or knowledge of the situation.

I'm not excusing, just saying how sad it all is.

One thing I'm glad to hear, that you are trying to look after yourself. As you say depression can be a trap for those still here. Getting support from a psychologist is a good move, in fact contacting here is too.

Care and support does not just come from the medical profession. Do you have family - or friends - who you can talk to, who may understand at least a little, and will give you support too?

Talking of family, how old are your children, and how are they coping?

I think there may be others in this Forum that have had to face the loss of someone they loved in similar circumstances. Please have a browse and see how they got on.

I'd like it if you posted again and said more

Croix

[Guest_322]

Hi Shelly,

I don't even know what to say....I will say that I'm sorry for your loss even though I realise how cliched, most likely unhelpful and trite "sorry for your loss" sounds but I am sorry.

While I have lost people in my life, it wasn't from suicide and it wasn't a partner so I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. I imagine that maybe there's shock, pain, trying to find answers, confusion, a sense of betrayal, frustration, hurt and possibly loneliness. Or maybe you feel none of those things and feel something else altogether and that's okay too.

Grief hits each of us differently and there's no right or wrong way about it. But I do think suicide does add an extra burden of stigma. It shouldn't but it does...

Can I suggest googling "suicide bereavement support Lifeline?" Lifeline offers support groups specifically for those left behind by suicide. If there's one close to you and you attend it, you can find a firsthand understanding by attendees as all would have lost someone to suicide.

Hang in there. Grief and loss is horrible.

Dottie x